


falling for you, literally, three times

by pretttysounds



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Eventual Smut, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gay, Homophobia, Homophobic Slurs, M/M, Past Domestic Violence, did i mention its gay, i'm serious this is gonna be so fluffy i'm so ready, tyler's first relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-09 03:52:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 43,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7785724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pretttysounds/pseuds/pretttysounds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I don't wanna be responsible for getting you into trouble."<br/>"Ah, I have a feeling you'll be doing a lot of that, Tyler Joseph."</p><p>Tyler moves to London and finds himself falling for Josh, quite literally, and Josh wonders whether the shy new kid is exactly what he's been waiting for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly i'm just high school au trash so i thought it was time i wrote one about these cuties  
> hope you enjoy

Tyler stood in the busy corridor, students running and milling around him as he clutched his history folder to his chest. He'd lost Jenna, the only person he vaguely knew at his new school, so, forced to guess his way to class, he bit the bullet and took a step into the centre of the hallway.

Bam.

It might have been the sound of his heart smashing into his rib cage as he looked into the pink-haired boy's eyes, but it wasn't. It was the sound of Tyler's history folder hitting the floor as Josh Dun, the boy at the top of Tyler's 'People I Really Want To Get To Know At My New School But Probably Won't' list, whacked straight into his side and sent him and his folder flying.

"Oh, man," Josh said as he looked up, his eyes meeting Tyler's and forcing him to look away as colour filled his cheeks. "I'm sorry, I didn't you see you there."

Tyler avoided looking at him, waiting for Josh's friends to laugh and hoping that would be the extent of it - he really didn't want to get beaten up yet, not in his first week at Foresters. But no laughter ensued, and when he plucked up the courage to look up again he saw Josh crouched by his feet, slowly picking up Tyler's history work like he had all the time in the world.  _Were people always this polite in London?_

And all Tyler could do was stand there, dumbfounded, silently thanking whoever or whatever it was up there that he hadn't just been publicly humiliated by an intimidating group of youths (he did that just fine himself).

Also, for the fact that Josh Dun was interacting with him.

The other boy stood up and grinned guilty at Tyler; Tyler's heart melted a little. "I'm sorry again, man. Didn't mean to embarrass ya." He held out his hand, the purple folder grasped in between his long skinny fingers.

Tyler mumbled a 'thanks' and snatched it off him without really meaning to. Internally, he cursed himself, and began planning his escape route.

"So, erm, I don't think we've met yet, have we," Josh looked down and started fiddling with the piece of string round his wrist, like he did when he was nervous - only, Tyler didn't know that yet. "You're new, right? I'm Josh, what's your name?"

But when he looked up, Tyler had already fled to his next class. Late wasn't his thing. Also, neither was talking to intimidatingly hot boys with pink hair without at _least_ a week's notice.

"Dang it." Josh Dun signed.

 

The next time Tyler and Josh met was in similar, if slightly more embarrassing, circumstances.

Tyler had PE last period. The subject invented (probably) with the sole purpose of further inflating the sporty kids' egos and destroying the last scraps of self-confidence of the rest, one painstaking bit at a time.

Josh was probably one of the former, Tyler thought as he changed into his gym kit. He wasn't large but muscly, and he seemed like he had really nice arms; probably a nice chest, too, come to think of it. And legs. Defined V-line.

Tyler was clearly in _way_ too deep; he reluctantly forced himself to stop thinking about his classmate naked in the middle of a lesson. Josh wasn't in this class with him anyway, so he didn't need to worry about it. Or that's what Tyler thought, until he got to the gym hall and Mr Ward announced they were going to play rounders on the field with class 12F.

Oh, great.

Tyler followed the rest of his class miserably outside and choose a fielding spot near the back where he guessed the ball had little chance of coming even remotely near him. He spent the rest of the lesson daydreaming (perhaps about Josh, perhaps not) until his teacher forced him out of his happy trance.

"DUN!" Mr Ward's raspy voice was screaming across the pitch. "Get your butt over here and have your go right now! Or that's a referral for you, Dun. I mean it!"

Josh chuckled, to himself or no one in particular, Tyler didn't really know, and strolled nonchalantly up to the plate. Or whatever it was called. Tyler didn't really understand the game yet.

Tyler gulped. He was right about the arms.

They held the bat easily, and a satisfying crack sound pierced the air as the wood came into contact with the ball. It was a little slow and off, but Josh sped off in a candy pink blur, and Tyler just stared at the spot where he had been, giddy with admiration.

So giddy, in fact, that he didn't see the ball flying at his head at over 50mph. He was vaguely aware of people shouting, but it probably wasn't for him, he reasoned; no one noticed him enough for that. He didn't see the ball itself until it was too late, and then it was just 3-2-1 SMACK.

Tyler fell to the ground, stars closing his vision, his last thought _at least it was a soft ball_.

When he woke up in the school office, everything was very bright, and the side if his head hurt like hell. He touched it gingerly and winced; had the ball actually embedded itself under his skin? Might as well have done, by the size of the lump.

A mop of pink hair appeared in Tyler's peripheral vision. His head sung round eagerly, and he regretted it as the pain surged once more through his head.

"Ow."

"Jeez," the owner of the pink hair was speaking to him. "I really fucked your head up didn't I?" He was squinting adorably, his head tilted slightly sideways as he assessed the damage, and Tyler shook his head.

"No, it's okay. Well I mean yeah, you did, but it was my fault too, I didn't move. It wasn't really your fault. I fucked my own head up, I mean. And yeah I'm gonna stop talking now."

Josh laughed. "Hey, we still never got properly introduced. Tyler, right? I'm Josh Dun."

"I know." Tyler replied automatically. "Wait, that sounded weird. And yes it's Tyler. Tyler Joseph. Nice to meet you." he stuck his hand out stiffly - why oh why? - and Josh grinned, bemused, as he accepted it and shook it slowly.

"Nice to meet you too, Tyler Joseph."

Josh's touch sent shivers down Tyler's spine and he had to draw his hand back to stop the blush that was rapidly rising in his cheeks.

"Sorry again about your head. I guess my aim was a little off, huh?"

"It's cool," Tyler replied, smiling. "And yeah. Just a little."

"PE's never been my strong point."

"God, mine neither."

There was a pause, but it wasn't awkward. The two boys just sat side by side for a while, and Josh offered a smile. He had possibly the cutest smile Tyler had ever seen, stretching right across his face so his eyes nearly closed, and Tyler felt his insides melt a little.

I'm a goner, he realised as he returned it. Damn you, Joshua Dun.

Josh looked up at the time. "Hey, I should probably be getting to my next class now. I just, uh, wanted to see how you were doing." The piece of string swivelled around his wrist as his fingers played with it.

Tyler tried not to let his disappointment show on his face. "Sure, man, thanks for coming to see me. Lonely up here, huh?"

But it must have shown anyway, because Josh hesitated at the door, glanced at the clock again, leaned back towards the couch.

"I guess I could stay a little longer..."

Tyler's insides seemed to be putting on a little gymnastics competition, and he shrugged. "I don't wanna be responsible for getting you into trouble."

Josh winked. "Ah, I have a feeling you'll be doing a lot of that, Tyler Joseph." He shook his head, a confident grin on his face, his eyes sparkling. "I'll see you around, yeah?"

"Sure." Was all Tyler could manage, colour flooding his face, his heart pumping and surely blowing this competition out of the water. "Bye, Josh," he remembered to add as he disappeared out of the office door.

A mile-wide smile crossed his face as the events of the last five minutes played out in his head. The school nurse looked at him from her desk by the window.

"You're certainly looking a lot better!" She remarked across the room.

Tyler nodded cheerfully. "Can barely feel a thing."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tfw you write taco bell into the plot line and then remember the story's set in london and we don't have that here and then you have to change it all to nando's

Tyler was eating lunch in the common room the next day, awkwardly third (sixth?? If that was even possible??) wheeling Jenna and some of her friends. He liked Jenna, sure, but she and her mates didn't half talk. Tyler could feel his mind wandering when there was a cough at his left shoulder, and a slow, husky voice was asking "mind if I join you?"

"No," Tyler squeaked, voice sounding like a small dying animal by comparison. He coughed, feeling his face go bright red. "Not at all."

Josh seemed, if anything, endeared by Tyler's awkwardness, and he threw him a smile as he slid onto the bench next to him. Their legs were touching, their arms brushing hairs, and Tyler felt like he was on fire. He didn't know what to say. Suddenly, every single socialising instinct in his body seemed to have dried up and Tyler wanted the floor to swallow him up.

Luckily, Jenna saved him at the last minute.

"So, Josh," she began, full of her usual charm. "I hear you nearly tried to kill our friend Tyler yesterday."

Josh almost seemed relieved she had brought it up. Maybe he was expecting something worse, or couldn't think of anything to say himself, Tyler didn't know.

Well, of course not the latter. Things like that only happened to nerds like Tyler, not fully fledged gods like Josh.

Now, Josh laughed. "Yeah, I still feel so bad about that, man," he replied, directing his answer more at Tyler than at Jenna. "Erm, listen, maybe I could make it up to you? You wanna go get Nando's or something tomorrow night? Or wherever you want. You guys can come too" - he gestured to Jenna and her friends - "the more the merrier."

The mention of food and Tyler didn't have time to be nervous. "I haven't tried Nando's yet. Sounds good." He grinned sweetly, and Josh's hand released his string bracelet and ran through his soft pink hair instead.

"Yeah? Cool, cheers. I'll see you later then." He half got up to go, then sat back down again. "I'll give you my number, so we can arrange something. And you can let your friends know, right?"

There followed an awkward half moment of can-I-borrow-a-pen-from-someone, where-am-I-going-to-write-it, oh-right-you-want-it-here-on-your-hand? and then it was all sorted, and both boys were looking happy (if slightly flustered) while the girls sat around looking like they knew a secret that they weren't sharing with anyone else. When Josh finally got up to go, nodding at Tyler and telling him a little too enthusiastically that he'd see him tomorrow, Tyler's face was brighter than Josh's hair and the girls were giggling uncontrollably.

"What is it? What's funny?" Tyler demanded.

"Oh, Tyler," Jenna choked out in between laughs. "You two so want to bang each other."

"Jesus, guys!" Tyler exclaimed. "It's just Nando's. Nothing big. If it was a date he wouldn't have invited you! He's probably straight anyway. Josh Dun does not want to bang me."

"Not denying that you wanna bang him though, are we?" Jenna pointed out, causing a fresh round of giggles among her friends. "And Josh Dun, straight? Please. That boy's about as straight as a curly french fry."

"Shut up!" Tyler said good-naturedly, slapping lightly at his friend's arm.

Then: "Wait. Do you know for a fact that he's gay?"

Jenna laughed. "Interested now, huh? And I don't _know_ , but I could take a guess for sure."

"Didn't he date that Phoebe girl last year?" Ashley asked.

"No, wasn't that Jamie?"

"Could've sworn it was Josh..."

"Oh, damn. He's still probably straight." Tyler grumbled loudly and slumped down in his plastic chair. "Way to crush a guy's hopes, girls."

But there was no denying the massive fucking grin that spread across his face whenever he thought about his almost-date with Josh Dun this weekend. He looked at Josh's writing his hand, and wondered how long it would be socially acceptable to go without washing it for.

History last period Friday was torture for Tyler. He looked at the clock on the wall so often that the teacher stopped the class twice to ask if he needed to be somewhere. He spent five minutes inputting Josh's name and number into his phone, double-checking the number was correct (it was) and choosing the perfect emojis for next to his name (he settled on the creepy moon face (ironic) and a blue heart. Then he deleted them all; it was way too soon for that.) He mentally planned out a calm and composed message he was going to text Josh when he got in from school. He failed.

It wasn't even a date. He needed to calm down.

Eventually 3 o'clock rolled around and Tyler strolled down to his locker so as usual. He loaded it up with his history folder, his textbook, his note pad, and when he closed the door a familiar face was smiling down at him.

"Hey, Tyler. Thought I'd find you here."

Tyler. There was something about the way Josh said his name that made it sound like the most beautiful name in the world, and Tyler took the opportunity to silently thank his mother for giving it to him.

"Hey, Josh." He replied. "Would say the same about you, but you kinda made me jump."

Josh laughed like he'd just made the best joke in the world.

"Cute and funny, huh?" He raised one eyebrow. "How come some people get all the good genes?"

Inside, Tyler was screaming: Josh Dun just called me cute!!!!

Outside: "I don't know, would have thought you'd have the answer to that one." he mumbled, probably incoherently.

Was he flirting? Tyler wasn't good at this stuff. Or was that how friends usually acted around each other? Tyler hadn't had many friends before, at least not good ones - just the kind of friends you discuss the homework with and sit with at lunch so you don't look lonely. He wasn't 100% on how they worked.

"Hey, so, I just wanted to get your number too before Saturday." Josh was saying. "Just in case. Also, before tonight so I can text you later 'cos I was worried you were gonna try and play it cool and not text me till, like, the afternoon before."

"Don't think you needed to worry about that, man," Tyler laughed, blushing as he scrawled down his name and number for Josh. "I was probably gonna text you the minute I got out of school - oh wow, I'm always way too excitable with new people, I'm sorry."

Josh was smirking at him. It was probably the sexiest thing Tyler had ever seen. He gulped.

"Tyler?" Josh said affectionately. "Shut up. You're adorable."

Then he loped off down the hall, raising a hand at Tyler before he turned the corner to his own locker.

Tyler stared after him until long after he'd left. That wasn't flirting either, right? He was just being nice.

But face was still burning.  _Just being friendly,_ he told himself.  _Friendly. Friends. Don't go thinking you've got a chance with him, Tyler._

 

Josh had already texted Tyler by the time he got in from school.  
hey ty :) it said.  
Then: can I call you that?

In a spurt of confidence Tyler thought about making a dumb joke about preferring to be called Daddy but decided rapidly against it ( _too soon, Tyler, too soon_ ) and sent him something safer: you can call me whatever you want ;)

josh: cheeky

josh: i wouldn't expect this from you tyler joseph! flirting shamelessly when you should be doing your hw smh

tyler: shit sorry no i wasn't trying to flirt w/ you

josh: well that's disappointing.

josh: but no ty i was kidding dw

Tyler squirmed uncomfortably. He was still finding it hard to judge his new friend's character correctly and didn't know if there was any truth behind what Josh was saying. Well, obviously there wasn't but, what if...? But Tyler couldn't really afford to be having these thoughts. He chucked his phone down on his bed as he went downstairs to get some food.

In the end the two boys texted for the rest of the night, joking and chatting until eventually they made plans to meet at Nando's at seven the next day, and Tyler went to bed with the biggest of smiles on his face.

When he woke up, there was a text from Josh: see ya later ty - zomg i haven't had nandos in so long

josh: also remember to let jenna and her friends know

josh: looking forward to seeing you :p

Tyler blushed automatically.

tyler: you too :) and will do

He groggily rolled onto his stomach in bed and called his friend.

"Hey, Jenna," he spoke into the receiver.

"Hey, Tyler. To what do I owe this pleasure?"

Tyler rolled his eyes. Pretentious twat. "You are coming tonight, aren't you Jen?"

"Of course. Why, nervous?"

"No," Tyler squeaked. "It's not even a date, is it." It was a statement rather than a question, and there was a silence.

"What makes you think that?"

"Well, he wouldn't have invited all of you if he wanted it to be a date."

Tyler could practically hear his friend rolling her eyes. "Did it ever occur to you, my dear Tyler, that he may be nervous too? In the same situation as you?"

"Um... no." Tyler didn't really believe that 'nervous' was part of Joshua Dun's repertoire of emotions.

Jenna laughed. "Oh my God, you are so oblivious."

"We're just friends, Jenna-"

Jenna scoffed. "Yeah, at the moment. I say give the weekend."

"He's just being nice and trying to make up for knocking me out." Tyler pointed out.

"Tyler, I don't know how things work in Ohio, but people like Josh don't do things like that. I mean, not that he isn't a great guy, but he definitely has a reason other than guilt."

"What's that?"

"Oh my God, I can't even deal with you." Jenna laughed again, and hung up on him, still laughing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do i actually have a life anymore or do i just spend all my time reading and writing joshler fanfics ??  
> hopfully it's worth it

"Jenna, help," Tyler whinged, on the fifth phone call to her that afternoon. "I'm really not feeling the floral shirt. I look way too gay. He won't like it."

He could almost hear his friend rolling her eyes down the phone. "Tyler, I really don't think looking gay is something to worry about when you're on a date with another guy."

"It's not a date, for God's sake! But what if Josh doesn't like it?"

Jenna huffed loudly. "How many times do I have to preach about not dressing for other people, Tyler?? Dress for yourself and you'll look good whatever you wear." Tyler had a feeling she'd used this speech before. "Do you like it?"

"Yes, but-"

"Well then, but nothing. You look fucking adorable in the floral shirt and I'm not coming with you if you don't wear it, okay?"

"But Jenna- ah, never mind." Tyler gave in. Jenna was not a girl to be messed with. "Okay." He mumbled.

"Good," Jenna sounded satisfied. "I'll meet you at 6.30."

Jenna was waiting for Tyler at the bus stop when he arrived, dressed in black skinny jeans, Converse, and the shirt. Jenna nodded approvingly when she saw him.

"What did I tell you? You look great, Ty. Josh is gonna be all over you, I promise."

Tyler glared at her, and she smirked. "Thought that's what you wanted, no?"

"Jenna I swear to-"

"Bus is here!" Jenna interrupted innocently, giggling at Tyler's mildly pissed off expression. "Cheer up. You'll be seeing Josh in, ooh, just under half an hour."

She winked at him and got on the bus, tapping her bus pass and thanking the bus driver, and going to sit down at the back. Tyler followed slowly; the London bus system still confused him, but hey, apparently buses were free for students here? So hey, it almost made up for the fact that they couldn't drive until they were 17 here. Which meant that Tyler still had 3 months to wait, even though he already has his license back home. He sat down beside Jenna and the bus pulled away, the monotonous female voice announcing that the next stop was the high street, and this was the 188 bus to somewhere or other. Tyler sighed anxiously.

"Nervous?" Jenna teased lightly, nudging him in the side.

"Yes." Tyler didn't have time to joke around. He was about to have dinner with Josh Dun, and _oh God_ , there was the restaurant, and Jenna was taking his hand and pulling him off the bus.

 

Anna, Laura and Valerie were already waiting outside the Nando's when they arrived, and Josh was nowhere to be seen.

"Shit," Tyler cursed as he and Jenna approached. "He's changed his mind. He doesn't like me anymore." He broke free from Jenna's grasp and turned back the way they'd come. "Let's go home."

"Hell no, Tyler, not now you've dragged us all out to Nando's because you and loverboy are too scared to go alone."

"That's not-"

"Okay, shut up." Jenna grabbed Tyler's shoulders firmly and physically dragged him over to where the others were waiting. "He'll be here soon."

As if on cue a black car pulled up and a pink-haired boy emerged, waved to the driver as it drove out of the car park, and scanned the street until he saw Tyler and his friends and strolled over to them.

He stopped right in front of Tyler, and Tyler gulped.

"Hey." He hoped he didn't sound as terrified as he felt.

"Hey, Ty, good to see you," he grinned, his head tilted to one side. "I like the shirt. You look cute."

Tyler's face flared, and Jenna looked at him pointedly.

"Thanks, Josh. You look good too. I like your hair."

"Yeah?" Josh touched it gingerly, and fluffed it up with his fingers. It was already so fluffy. Tyler wanted to touch it. "I did it this morning. I wasn't sure about the mohawk. It looks okay?"

Tyler nodded, perhaps a little too eagerly. "It looks great. I wish I could pull something like that off."

"Hey, why couldn't you?"

"I don't exactly have the right image." Tyler gestured to his floral shirt and skin tight jeans, and both boys laughed.

"Fair." A pause. "Still think you should try it though."

"No, Josh."

Josh's eyes glinted with the beginnings of an idea. "Hey, I could get my friend Pete to do it. He did mine. The guy who dropped me off. He'd do it for free, too."

"No, Josh!" Tyler was laughing by this point, and Josh grinned and shrugged.

"Just an idea."

"Is Pete your boyfriend, Josh?" Jenna jumped in pointedly. Inwardly, Tyler groaned. That girl was many things, but subtle was  _not_ one of them.

Josh looked surprised. "No, but he is an ex, actually. We're still pretty good mates though."

Jenna made an excited face at Tyler behind Josh.  _He's gay!!_  She mouthed. _Go get some!_

Tyler frowned at her and she burst out laughing. Tyler rolled his eyes.

"You got a boyfriend, Tyler Joseph?" Josh was asking him. "Or a girlfriend. Whatever you're into." He smirked.

"Boyfriend." Tyler blurted, and he could've sworn he saw Josh's face fall. "Wait, no, no, I mean, I'm single. But if you were asking my sexuality... boys."

Josh nodded, almost approvingly, and grinned at Tyler. "Good."

"Shall we go inside...?" Anna interrupted. "You could cut the sexual tension out here with a knife."

Tyler blushed hard and looked down, and Josh glanced at him; laughed awkwardly.

"Sure." he answered finally. "Lead the way."

 

The six of them took a table by the window and handed around menus, discussing what they were going to have.

"How does this work?" Tyler hissed to Jenna. "I've never been here before, Jen."

Jenna laughed aloud. "Bless you, Tyler."

"What?" Josh asked, looking at Tyler's now red face and Jenna, cracking up.

"Tyler's never been here before," Jenna explained. "He doesn't know how it works. Maybe you could help him, Josh?"

She winked at Tyler. Tyler ignored her and quickly pretended to be absorbed in reading the drinks menu. But Josh wasn't letting it drop, apparently.

"How have you never been before?" Then it clicked. "Wait, when did you even move here?"

"About three weeks ago," Tyler admitted.

"Oh wow. Where are you from? America, I guess, but..."

Tyler laughed nervously. He wasn't used to having to talk about himself; people weren't usually that interested.

"I'm from Columbus? In Ohio." He said. 

"Dude, no way!" Josh's face lit up. "That's where I'm from!"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah! I mean, I moved here with my family, like, 10 years ago now. But I lived in Columbus until I was seven."

"Oh cool! Yeah, I didn't think that accent was British."

"Nah, unfortunately I haven't got a cute one of those yet." Josh grinned sheepishly. Unsurprisingly, Tyler blushed again. He was just so darn cute. He desperately tried to think of something to say, failed, and panicked.

"You're still cute." was all he could find.

 _Shit. That wasn't supposed to happen._ Wait, was Josh blushing? Tyler didn't think he'd seen Josh anything less than ridiculously confident before.

"Thanks, Tyler Joseph."

"I wasn't supposed to say that out loud."

"Hey, it's fine. You can say it again if you want. Whenever's cool with you." Josh waggled his eyebrows at Tyler, and Tyler cracked up, shaking his head.

"Oh my  _God_."


	4. Chapter 4

Tyler was walking home from school the Monday after the non-date when he heard someone call his name. At first he ignored it - probably some other Tyler - until- wait, he  _knew_ that voice.

His stomach realised before his brain, and the butterflies were in full swing by the time Josh caught up with him.

"Hello there, Tyler Joseph."

"Hey, Josh. You surprised me." He furrowed his brow. "You keep doing that."

Josh raised his hands in mock surrender. "Man, I'm sorry. Could just let you walk home alone, I guess." He bumped Tyler's shoulder playfully with his own, and Tyler tried not to wince. It wasn't supposed to hurt, but Josh was stronger than he seemed in Tyler's fantasies of him pressing him up against a wall. Which was saying something.

Tyler definitely didn't have a crush on Joshua Dun.

"I didn't know you lived this way." He mumbled.

"To be fair, Tyler, you've only lived here three weeks."

"That's true."

"Where do you live?"

"Um... Northpoint Road?"

Josh's eyes twinkled, like he was suppressing laughter. "You don't sound very sure."

Tyler frowned. "No, I- I'm pretty sure." _You're making it hard to think straight._

Josh laughed. "You're a strange one, Tyler Joseph."

"What's that supposed to mean?" It came out a little more defensive-sounding than Tyler would've liked. He swallowed nervously and coughed, maybe to subconsciously let Josh know that he wasn't actually offended. He didn't think it worked.

"Relax, I'm kidding."

"Oh, right."

Tyler spent the rest of the journey staring at his shoes like they held the cure for cancer, and Josh whistled as they walked along, but he didn't get bored and walk off like Tyler assumed he would. Was this how friendship worked?

They stopped outside Tyler's house, and he was forced to look up and make eye contact with Josh. "So, er, this is me. Thanks for walking with me."

Josh didn't seem to be listening. "Can I come in?"

"What?" Tyler blinked.

Josh looked startled for a moment, then laughed and resumed his normal confidence.

"Thought we could hang out for a bit. Seeing as we're pals and all, now."

He winked at Tyler as he said the word 'pals', and Tyler suddenly became aware of the sweat beads forming on his hands. He tried to subtly wipe them on his trousers.

He blinked, and then beamed. "Um, sure. My mum's in, and my sister, probably. But they'll be fine."

Josh returned the smile. "Cool."

 

"Hi, Mum," Tyler called as he and Josh let themselves in. "Uh, I've got a friend here, hope that's okay."

"A friend? Are you sure?" So Madison was home. Tyler cringed.

"Josh, this is my mum and my sister Madison. Mum and Madison, Josh."

"Josh! So lovely to meet you. Tyler's told me a lot about you." Tyler's mum shook Josh's hand enthusiastically. "You are always welcome here, Josh."

"Thanks, Mrs Joseph. He has?" Josh shot Tyler a look. That smirk. God, it was going to be the death of him.

"Call me Kelly, please. And oh look, I've gone and embarrassed him now. Do you boys want some juice?"

"No thanks, Mum." Tyler answered quickly for both of them, already moving towards the stairs in embarrassment.

"Fizzy drink?"

"No, Mum."

"Cookies? Go on, I just bought some today."

"We're going upstairs now, okay Mum?"

Tyler willed his face to return to its normal colour and lead the way to his room. It was still pretty empty, just his bed, wardrobe, a few books, and piano.

"Your mum's nice." Josh commented as he invited himself to lay down on Tyler's bed.

"Oh my God, I swear she goes out of her way to embarrass me sometimes." Tyler groaned and threw himself down beside Josh, burying his face in his arms.

"Ah, it could be worse." Josh looked uncomfortable, and quickly changed the subject. "Hey, hold still, you have something in your hair."

Tyler tried to concentrate on anything but the fact that Josh Dun was lying next to him on his bed and touching his hair as Josh Dun lay next to him on his bed and touched his hair.

He failed.

"You play piano?" Josh jumped up suddenly and went over to his piano, sat by the window where Tyler hadn't had a chance to play it yet.

"Uh, yeah." Tyler said. "Well, kind of. I'm not very good."

"Shut up, I bet you're way better than me. Don't you take music, anyway? You must be good." Josh talked a lot, Tyler realised. He began playing a shaky intro to Clocks by Coldplay, got to the start of the first verse, and gave up. "Ah, that's all I ever learnt."

He spun round and found Tyler staring at him in shock. "What?"

Tyler shook his head. "I... nothing, I just didn't know you were... I didn't know you could do music."

Josh laughed. "You think because I have pink hair and piercings I can't be good at music?"

"No!" Tyler squeaked. Oh  _shit_ ,he'd fucked up.

"Ty, it's fine, I'm kidding. But I take music too, I think I'll be in your class, actually."

"Oh."

"Don't think I could quite do my A Level in piano, though." He chuckled and got up from the piano stool, plopping down on Tyler's bed again. "I play drums way better. What about you, Tyler Joseph? Play anything else?"

"Um, ukulele. And I sing."

"Woah. Nice. Feel free to serenade me anytime you like." He winked, making Tyler blush. Well, it wasn't like it was hard.

"Maybe one day."

"Is that a promise?"

"Maybe."

Josh prodded him in the ribs, making Tyler squirm. "Yes?"

"I said maybe!"

Josh did it again, and Tyler jumped, giggling. "That tickles."

"You're ticklish?" Josh's eyes lit up, and he grinned cheekily. "Damn, that's unlucky."

"Why...?" Tyler looked at him warily.

Josh looked at him. "Because I'm not. So if I were to start tickling you... you'd be helpless."

His hands darted out to tickle Tyler's sides, his neck, his stomach, and Tyler shrieked, giggling uncontrollably. "Josh, stop! No!"

"Too late!"

Josh couldn't help but smile down at him and continue to attack him until Tyler was breathless and laughing. Then somehow Josh's leg was over Tyler's hips and holding him down, and they both realised this at the same time and awkwardly untangled limbs so they could just sit side by side again.

There was a silence, both boys flushed and quiet.

"So how do you like it here?" Josh asked eventually.

"Eh," Tyler replied, glad to have something else to talk about. "I haven't seen too much of London yet, except for this area."

"Perfect." Josh grinned. "I can show you around. If you want."

Tyler tried not to smile too enthusiastically. "Thanks, man. That'd be really cool."

Josh beamed back. "Great!"

Tyler shuffled awkwardly, trying to think of something else to say. He didn't have people round often - the 'lack of friends' thing saw to that - but when he did he always worried that they'd be bored.

He (somehow) didn't know this, but with Josh, he _really_ needn't have worried. Like, at all. Heck, Josh would probably enjoy watching paint dry with this kid. It surprised him, how quickly his feelings for Tyler had made themselves known. At first, Josh had just thought he was cute, and would be fun to hang out with for a while. Fun to flirt with. Fun to tease until his face went an adorable shade of pink and he had to look away.

Josh knew there was a reason he had chosen that colour when he'd gotten his hair dyed.

"Dude, you got to take care of this kid. He seems adorable." His best friend Dallon told him when he skyped after getting back from Tyler's.

"Oh my _God_ , he's the absolute cutest. I kinda wanna just wrap him up in my duvet and keep him. Forever."

"No Josh I didn't mean-"

"Not like that, Dallon, God! I swear, it's more than just wanting to bum him."

Dallon raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, come on, I know I always talk about wanting to fuck people but I'd never really do that. I'm much more of a relationshippy kind of guy."

"I know, I was kidding. But I mean it, if you hurt this kid I will hurt you. And violence is not something I'd generally be promoting. Please, Josh, just make friends with him first and take it from there?"

Josh sighed. "Ok _ay,_ I guess."

"That means cut down on the flirting too."

"What? That's harmless. I swear. I haven't even used the dirty pickup lines yet."

_"Yet?"_

Josh groaned. "I'm not going to, Dallon, _gosh_. I'd scar the poor kid for life. Who do you think I am?"

Dallon fixed him with a look. "My best friend."

 

 

"Way to embarrass me by telling my crush I talk about him a lot, thanks, Mum."

"No problem, kiddo. That's what mums are for."

"Mum?"

"Yeah?"

"Please don't call me 'kiddo' ever again."

"Okay."

"..."

"Sorry."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is just a massive fucking fluff fest

"Psst."

Tyler looked up from his English lit homework to see a boy with pink hair and brown eyes grinning down at him.

"Whatcha doing?"

Tyler made a face. "Donne and Marvell comparison essay for Miss Jay."

Josh shook his head as he took a seat opposite him. "Tyler, Tyler, the first thing to know about Jay is that she has never collected a piece of homework in the five years she's been at this school. Stop."

Tyler put his pen down with a sigh. "God, you're a bad influence, you know. Okay, so what am I going to do instead?"

Josh's eyes twinkled, and he looked theatrically left and right before leaning close to Tyler and whispering in his ear. "You're going on an adventure with me."

Everything about this made the butterflies in Tyler's stomach go into overdrive: the hot breath on his neck, the proximity of Josh's mouth to Tyler's face, and the idea that Josh actually wanted to spend more time with him than was absolutely necessary.

Tyler gulped. "Right now?"

"Right now."

"But, Josh... we're not allowed to leave until 3."

Josh's eyes sparkled mischievously. "That's what makes it more of an adventure." He stood up now, arms stretched to the table in front of him, gaze fixed on Tyler, rucksack already on his back. "Come on, Ty. It'll be fun."

Tyler cast one more glance at his essay before stuffing it in his bag. "If we get into trouble," he grumbled as the two boys made their way to the school gate. "I am 100% blaming you."

"Fair enough."

 

They emerged from school into the open road, and Josh laughed aloud. "Taste that, buddy. Freedom."

"More like detention for the rest of term," Tyler rolled his eyes.

"I'm guessing you haven't bunked before."

Tyler gave him a look. "What do you think?"

"Okay, okay. You never know, though. Tyler Joseph might be a secret rebel." Josh grinned, dodging Tyler's playful swat at his arm.

"Shut up Josh. How many times have you, anyway?"

"First time, actually." Josh replied cheerfully.

Tyler raised his eyebrows. "Seriously?"

"Yeah! Hey, that's not fair. I know you think I'm a punk 'cos of the hair and stuff, but I do try in school." Josh kicked a stone with the toe of his sneaker and it went spinning into the road. "Not my fault I failed last year and had to retake."

"Wait," Tyler was a little surprised, he had to admit. "So you're in the year above me?"

"Technically, yeah. A lot of shit happened at the end of last year, etcetera, I fucked up the exams, ended up in year 12 again."

Tyler didn't really know what to say. "Oh. I'm sorry?"

But Josh either didn't hear, or pretended not to. He was silent as they cut through the park, and he pulled Tyler across the road again and into the station.

"Okay, so we gotta take the tube from here."

"Where are we actually going?"

Josh just laughed and tapped the side of his nose as if to say, _wait and see_. His nose ring shook slightly, and Tyler suddenly had an urge to just _kiss_ him on the tip of his dumb nose. A nose ring! He was clearly a punk! Tyler didn't like punks.

Except this one, it seemed, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself otherwise.

" _Josh_ , tell me."

"Nope."

"You're mean."

"You're a nerd."

"You're a loser."

They got on a tube headed to Central London, somewhere; Tyler still didn't understand tubes, if he was honest. Josh pulled him off at a stop that Tyler vaguely recognised, and they walked through the bustling streets, this way and that, through a side alley until it opened out into a market.

"Woah."

"Yeah, this is... one of my favourite places, I guess." Josh looked at Tyler taking it all in, and smiled. "Dude, come on, they have a sick record stall."

He took Tyler's hand and lead him to a stall near the back where an older guy was sat reading a faded magazine, surrounded by stacks and crates and boxes, all full of records. Tyler's jaw dropped. "Dude, this is awesome."

They moved towards the same box at the front and began flipping through the records at the same time, slightly dog-eared and faded, but records all the same. They exchanged a grin.

"Oh my God, _Transatlanticism_! No way, dude!" Josh held up the record, looking at it with something like awe. "How much is this?"

The old guy looked up. "The Death Cab record? A tenner."

"Damn." Josh rummaged through his bag and came back looking despondent. "I'll have to come back, I guess." He had enough cash, but he wanted to get Tyler dinner later, so he'd have to leave it. "Wait, Ty, what are you doing?"

Tyler shrugged as he handed the money over the table. "I'll get it for you, man."

"No Tyler, I can't let you... are you sure?!"

"Shut up, Josh." Tyler grinned at him and whacked him softly in the stomach with the record he now held in his hand. "If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't have got it. Do you want it or not?"

"Yes, please." Josh took it from him. "Thank you so much, man. This - oh my God, this record is one of all-time favourites. You have to listen to it."

Tyler was watching him, bemused, and Josh trailed off. "I mean, if you want."

"Of course I will."

"Sick."

"Sick," Tyler echoed teasingly, and Josh found a blush creeping into his cheeks as he smiled. Since when did Tyler get so confident? Josh didn't get flustered this easily; or, basically, ever. But _fuck_ , nowadays Tyler only had to look at him and he felt his stomach fluttering. _Pull yourself together, Josh._

"Shut up, Tyler," he mumbled. "Come on."

They spent a while browsing the market, looking at the useless antiques and overpriced clothing and handmade gifts, laughing at the odd nude oil painting and discussing their favourite records. Eventually, Tyler got out his phone to check the time.

"Shit!"

"What?"

"It's half three, my mum will expect me home soon. We have to go, Josh."

Josh pulled an exaggerated pout. "Already? Can't you tell her you'll be late?"

"Ehh..."

"Please? Pretty please with sugar on top?"

Tyler sighed, and held his hands up in defeat. "What did I tell you? You really are a terrible influence. But okay, a bit longer."

"Yess." Josh grinned. "And I know, I'm terrible."

"The worst."

tyler: mom i'm going to a friend's i'm gonna be back home late ok?

Josh nodded approvingly. "Step one to becoming a punk."

"You will be my downfall, Joshua Dun."

Josh nearly made a comment about how Tyler was already his - like, seriously, since when did he have feelings like this?? He didn't like it. Or rather, he liked it too much. He liked Tyler too much. Fuck fuck fuck. Who ever asked for crushes?

"I would be honoured."

Tyler laughed and nudged Josh with his shoulder. "Okay, so where are we going now?"

"Uh... you wanna get something to eat?"

"Sure."

They stopped at a Mexican street food stall because Tyler thought it might be like Taco Bell, and Josh couldn't remember what Taco Bell tasted like, and they ended up talking about their memories of Ohio for a long while. Tyler promised that he'd get Josh a grilled steak taco for his birthday.

"Thanks, man."

"Anytime."

It was getting late, but Josh had one more place he wanted to take Tyler. "Seeing as I don't have time to show you, y'know, the whole of London in one evening."

"I really should get back..."

"Come on, dude, it'll be, like, an hour more. Tops."

"Okay, okay. It better be good."

They got on another tube to Cannon Street and when they emerged onto the street, it was dark.

"London at night is the best kind of London." Josh informed Tyler. "This way, come on."

They made their way along a main road and stopped at the foot of a tall glass building, curved so it was wider at the top than the bottom.

"You're not afraid of heights, are you?"

"I don't think so."

"Good."

They went inside, and the security guards informed them that last entries were 9.30.

"9.27."

_"Run!"_

The boys made it to the lift and bundled in, breathless and laughing, as it shot them thirty-odd floors up to the top of the building. 20 Fenchurch Street, to be precise; on the top floor they had a garden, from which you could see pretty much the whole of London, and especially at night, it really was a sight. Josh crossed his fingers and hoped that (a) Tyler liked it and (b) he wouldn't seem mushy and romantic for taking him up there. This was definitely not a date. 100% not.

"Dude, what is this place?"

"You'll see."

Then the doors opened and Tyler fell silent. "Oh my God, this is so cool."

The top floor of the building was now empty, most of the tourists having left earlier, plus it was a Wednesday night, who even goes out on a _Wednesday_ , and it was just Tyler and Josh in the garden, hundreds of feet above London. Tyler walked down the path to the glass, and pressed his face up against it. "It's beautiful."

"Like you." Josh teased lightly, and Tyler punched him.

"You're an idiot." But he couldn't tear his gaze away from the view, the city stretched out before him, the river and all the lights. Josh appeared wordlessly next to him, watching him.

"What?"

"Nothing."

They stood side by side for a while, Josh pointing out landmarks and Tyler nodding and taking it all in.

"Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"This is… probably one of the nicest things anyone's ever done for me, man. Thanks, and, I'm sorry we can't stay longer."

"Hey, it's okay." Josh stepped closer to Tyler. Their arms brushed together. "We can finish the tour some other time, yeah?"

"I'd like that." Tyler yawned, and rested his head on Josh's shoulder. Shit. Josh wasn't expecting that. Tyler just looked so goddamn cute, and he looked so so _kissable_ , and it took every bone in Josh's body _not_ to kiss him there and then. He knew what he'd promised Dallon, and he knew that he wasn't good at keeping relationships, despite what he'd told him. He'd never forgive himself if he hurt Tyler. Ever.

He sighed, and reluctantly stepped away from him again. "Come on, then, let's take you home."

"Already?" Tyler whined.

Josh shook his head, exasperated, and laughed. "You're so fucking difficult, Tyler Joseph, make your mind up!"

"Hey, me? I'm difficult?"

"Yes, you." Josh nudged Tyler's foot with his own. "We need to go, Ty."

He yawned again. "Okay, Josh. Whatever you say."

 

Josh struggled not to stroke his hair and kiss his forehead when Tyler fell asleep in his lap on the train home, and he struggled not to check out his body when Tyler stretched, and his t-shirt revealed a little more stomach than it was supposed to. It took a serious amount of willpower not to hold Tyler's hand as he walked him home, and trying not to kiss him when they stopped at the end of his driveway was probably the hardest thing Josh had ever done.

"Well," Tyler said, smiling quietly. "Thanks for a great time, Josh. Even if we do get kicked out of sixth form for it."

Josh chuckled. "You're welcome, Tyler Joseph." He looked at him for a long while, and Tyler felt himself blushing. He was glad of the dark, half-obscuring his face in the dim light of the streetlamp.

"I should be getting inside now."

"Yeah, sure."

"Um- bye, Josh." Tentatively, Tyler stepped forwards, and Josh finally gave in, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy and breathing in his scent. His body was warm and his jumper soft against Josh's hands, and when he pulled away, Josh reckoned it was far, far too soon. Now, he'd have to go home and face his mother. And he really didn't want that to ruin his day with Tyler. So he started fiddling with his string bracelet again, and coughed, not really knowing what to say.

"Er... I don't know how to ask this... would I at all maybe be able to stay the night?"

Tyler blinked, surprisingly calm. "Um. Sure. Uh, my mum... can you get in through the window instead? I don't think she'd be too happy about letting a boy stay the night." Tyler blushed. "I mean, not that anything's going to happen, but, you know..."

Josh nodded, and tried to act like Tyler wasn't killing him inside. "Thank you so much. Okay."

"Give me 5."

"Sure."

Tyler disappeared inside, throwing Josh one last smile and leaving him stood at the end of his drive. The autumn wind was beginning to pick up, and Josh shivered through his thin jacket.

"Psst." Josh looked up, and Tyler was smiling down at him. "You can get up if you stand in the plant pot... no, this one, the big one, yeah... and then hold onto this pipe and use the window sill. And then- yeah, onto the roof, and- hold on, let me just move the piano..."

Tyler held out his hand and helped Josh through the window; he landed ungracefully in a heap at the foot of Tyler's bed, and Tyler giggled.

"Smooth."

"Shush, you. You seem pretty good at sneaking out of your bedroom window, though." Josh raised an eyebrow as he picked himself up off the floor. "What did I say about you being a secret rebel, hm?"

"Ah," Tyler looked down sheepishly. "Hate to let you down, man, but I totally didn't figure that out the day I locked myself out."

"Oh my God, you idiot."

"Thanks."

Tyler yawned again, reminding them that it was bedtime. "So, uhm... you can have the bed, and I'll take the floor, I guess."

"Tyler, no way."

"I don't mind!"

"I do. I can sleep on the floor, it's your house, for God's sake."

"Um. Well, unless..."

"What?"

"We can probably both fit in the bed." Tyler was blushing a brilliant shade of pink; it was officially adorable. Although, Josh suspected his face was a similar colour; the idea of their bodies being so close together made his heart rate speed up considerably. No no no.

Sleeping in the same bed as Tyler Joseph was not part of the plan.

"Was that a stupid idea? I'm sorry." Tyler was saying quickly.

"No, no." Josh cut in, probably a little over-enthusiastically. "Um, that'll be fine."

"Okay." Tyler began pulling his jumper over his head and Josh turned away quickly before he caught himself staring. Um, he usually slept topless. Would that be weird and suggestive?

Ah, fuck it. It wasn't like he really had any other choice. He shrugged and began unbuttoning his shirt and pants, shoved them in his bag, and jumped into Tyler's bed in his underwear.

God, what would Dallon say if he knew? Josh almost laughed at the thought.

Tyler turned round in his shorts and baggy pyjama top, and grinned sleepily at him. Josh's breath caught again - how was it possible that Tyler kept getting cuter? It was impossible and, what's more, it wasn't allowed. Josh didn't like it.

And as he burrowed down under the duvet next to Josh, smiling at him and telling him goodnight before switching his bedside lamp off, Josh knew he couldn't keep away from Tyler if he tried. So finally,  _finally,_ he gave in.

"Tyler?"

"Yes?"

"Um... would it be weird if we cuddled?"

There was a pause. "No, no, I don't think it would be. Um, it would probably be quite nice, actually."

Cautiously, Josh snaked an arm around Tyler's waist and pulled him closer. It almost felt too good to be true. Tyler let out a little sigh of contentment as he snuggled into Josh's bare chest, and suddenly his warm breath was very close to Josh's nipple, and _fuck_ , his mouth, his soft, pink lips. Josh tried desperately to push the dirty thoughts out of his head, and wished he was wearing a shirt.

He knew this would be a bad idea.

He rested the other arm across Tyler's shoulders, who was already fast asleep, peaceful. One arm was draped over Josh's chest, the other under his own head, his leg innocently tangled in Josh's own. How was someone allowed to be this cute? It was distracting.

Tyler Joseph was distracting.

It took Josh a while to go to sleep that night. When he did, his dreams were plagued with short, brown-haired boys, and they were floating above cities and falling asleep in his lap.

Josh Dun was in  _way_ too deep.

God damn it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so this is mildly crappy version 2 bc the first draft got deleted also it's so hot here aaaa  
> mild smut warning i guess (aka i think it's about time for a visit to hell)

When Josh woke up, it was because he was in quite a lot of discomfort.

Tyler had turned over in the night, Josh's arm still draped over his waist, spooning him, his ass now resting on... well, that was the problem.

This definitely hadn't been part of the plan.

Josh tried to shuffle his hips back a bit to remove the contact and hopefully calm down his over-excited dick, but _every little movement_ caused friction against Tyler's butt, and Josh grunted loudly through gritted teeth. Fuck. How the hell was he supposed to go back to sleep when he was lying in Tyler's _bed_ and everything smelt so wonderfully of  _him_ and Tyler was lying there with his _ass_ in Josh's _lap_ and making fucking  _purring_ noises in his sleep, and - shit. He'd have to go sort himself out.

Josh carefully lifted his arm off Tyler's chest and swung his legs out of bed, wincing. Where was the bathroom? He peered around Tyler's bedroom door to check that he wasn't likely to bump into one of Tyler's family members as he scanned the doors for the correct one. He could just imagine  _that_ conversation.  _"Oh, hi, Tyler's male friend, what are you still doing here at 5 am?"  
__"Oh, morning, Mr Joseph, didn't see you there. I just spent the night sleeping in your son's bed but then he got me hard in his sleep so I'm off to your bathroom to jack off, is that okay?"_

Josh rolled his eyes as he crept down the hallway and into the bathroom, locking the door and sinking down on the other side of it. How did he get himself into this situation, again? Served him right. This was probably karma, or some shit.

Slowly, Josh began palming himself through the fabric of his boxers, and then gave up and threw his pants away, wrapping a hand loosely around his cock and pumping it. He moaned quietly, and his head fell back against the bathroom door as he sped up, shoving his other hand in his mouth in an attempt to quieten the noises escaping his lips.

His mind, inevitably, drifted to the boy he'd left sleeping along the corridor. Would he ever get to be touched by Tyler like this? Josh whimpered as precum leaked out and onto his hand, and he spread it up his length. He was so wet for Tyler, and they hadn't even  _kissed_ yet, for God's sake. Josh felt far too teenager-y.

Although, making out with Tyler was probably not something he should be thinking about, if he wanted to stay quiet. He shut his eyes as his hand got faster and sloppier, and Josh came on his stomach, biting down hard on his hand as he forced out Tyler's name through gritted teeth.

He cleaned himself up and stood up, his legs shaking, and he washed his hands and made his way back to Tyler's room. He felt  _dirty_  as he looked at Tyler, curled up in the fetal position and sleeping peacefully, so innocent. Did Josh really just jerk off to that? He was  _terrible_. He was an awful human being.

"Josh?" Tyler mumbled, yawning as he climbed back into bed and lay down again, as far away from Tyler as he could manage. Kind of difficult, though, in a single bed. He sat up on his elbows, his eyes sleepy but wide. "Are you okay?"

Josh hadn't thought about how this probably looked, his hair messy and dishevelled, his face flushed, returning from the bathroom at God knows what time in the morning.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine." He turned over to face away from Tyler. He couldn't do this, not now.

Come to think of it, he should probably be getting home. That was a good excuse. He could get in while his parents were still asleep, shower and change, and be out again before they even knew he was home. Josh sat up, and turned around to look at Tyler. The boy had fallen asleep again, already, and Josh couldn't help but smile. He reached out a hand and smoothed Tyler's hair of his forehead, just watching him for a second. "Bye, Tyler."

Then he dressed and was out of the window again before he had time to change his mind. He didn't have time for cute boys with messy morning hair who let him sleep in their bed. He _especially_ didn't have time for cute boys named Tyler Joseph who got him turned on at fucking 5 am.

He sloped off down the road to his house, and managed to only look back once.

 

Josh wanted to avoid Tyler, but he couldn't. Firstly, because he had no fucking willpower, and secondly, it was literally impossible. Tyler was there in the seat in front of him in assembly, doing that cute laugh of his as Jenna whispered something in his ear, and he was there in music, sat at the desk next to Josh, and he was there in Josh's free periods as they did homework side by side and shared headphones.

It was getting really fucking _frustrating_.

The two boys walked home together that day as normal, discussing a music assignment they'd been given, and Josh's mind managed to stay away from the topic of making out with Tyler for a whole ten minutes. Which, nowadays, was a record.

"You coming in?" Tyler asked when they stopped outside his house.

Josh thought about it. If he accepted, he felt sure that he was going to _have_ to kiss Tyler. If he went home, he could avoid that, but he'd have to put up with, well, being at home. And really, how much longer was he going to keep his feelings for Tyler at bay for anyway? He was pretty sure Tyler liked him, too, and it was just a matter of time now. And Josh knew that, for this boy, he could change. He wasn't going to hurt Tyler like he ended up hurting pretty much everyone else he'd dated.

He looked at Tyler, and smiled. "Sure."

"Great. I don't think anyone else is back yet, but..." Tyler shuffled a little nervously as he let them in. "Do you want anything?"

"Nah I'm good, thanks, man."

They went upstairs and sat down on Tyler's bed, not talking at first but sat on their phones, just being in each other's company.

"Hey, uh, do you wanna play a video game?" Tyler broke the silence, looking at Josh with his adorable questioning eyes. Josh grinned.

"Sure. What have you got?"

"Er... I'll have a look." Tyler hopped off the bed and rummaged through a cardboard box sat on the floor by his TV. A smile tugged at his lips as he held up the only game he could find. "Mariokart? I haven't unpacked a lot yet."

"Dude, are you kidding? I will fucking thrash you at Mariokart." Josh laughed aloud, and his eyes twinkled. Tyler's insides jumped happily at how cute he was when he smiled. Also, at the fact that his lips looked very much like Tyler should be kissing them.

"It's on, man."

Tyler handed Josh a controller and sat down cross legged next to Josh, grinning at him as the game started up. Josh winked at him and, flushing, he looked away. Why did Josh have to be so goddamn _distracting_ all the time? Couldn't a boy play a simple game of Mariokart without being practically seduced? He groaned inwardly, and avoided looking at Josh for the rest of the game.

He still lost.

"Fuck _yeah_ _!"_ Josh grinned triumphantly and punched the air. "What did I tell you? Ah, victory never tasted so sweet, my friend."

Tyler tried not to smile, and failed. "Asshat." he grumbled amiably. 

"Ah, you love me really." Josh's eyes were laughing at him.

"Questionable." Tyler desperately hoped his burning cheeks weren't giving him away. He rolled his eyes in an attempt to shake it off. "Remind me why I hang out with you?"

"Um, you don't have any other friends?" Josh smirked.

Tyler clutched his chest in mock hurt and fell back onto the bed. "Wow, I am offended."

Josh laughed and fell down beside him, rolled onto his side. His smile faded and their eyes met for a second and then another and another, and Tyler blushed, but this time he didn't look away. It was like there was some strange force compelling him to look into those eyes, those soft chocolate eyes that had been the subject of so many of Tyler's daydreams, and he didn't know what it was, but he recognised it now as the vague feeling he'd had for a while when around Josh. Now, though, it was anything _but_ vague; brought to the front of his mind, it was consuming his every thought.

Tyler bit his lip, and tried to concentrate on remembering to breathe.

The next thing he could feel was Josh's elbow coming to rest beside his head as it dented the mattress beneath him, and the sudden fear mingled with a warm kind of curiosity as Josh's face hovered very close to his own. Everything was very quiet, and Tyler could hear his heart beating loudly in his ears.

"Tyler? Is this okay?"

Josh was looking at him steadily, and his eyes were filled with both concern and something else entirely, and Tyler just about wanted to _cry_. He nodded, but his brain still hadn't fully registered what he was accepting. Or rather, it had, but didn't quite believe it was going to happen.

"Yes."

Josh's gaze flitted from Tyler's eyes to his mouth to his eyes again. And then it wasn't focussed on anything because his eyes were closing, and so were Tyler's, and Josh's lips were nudging softly against his own. And they were _kissing,_ gentle at first, and slowly gaining speed and passion as they became used to each other's mouths and started sharing space, air, tongues.

Josh groaned softly against Tyler's mouth as he lowered his weight onto the other boy's body. Tyler's breath hitched, and he opened his mouth slightly in time with Josh's. Their tongues darted forward again, tentatively, teasingly brushing against each other and then coming back together with much more force, as if it was the last thing they'd ever do.

Honestly, kissing Josh Dun was even better than Tyler had imagined. Which was saying something.

Josh started rolling his hips against Tyler's, and  _fuck,_ that felt good. A whimper left his lips, and he was so desperate for the friction a second time round that he didn't even have time to mentally curse himself for sounding so needy.

Josh pulled away quickly and looked down at Tyler, his gaze flickering between Tyler's eyes. "You're sure this is fine?" He asked softly.

Tyler's mouth was left hanging open at the loss of Josh's lips, and he seemed to have lost the power of speech. "Mm, s'good."

"Oh, baby boy." Josh's mouth was closer again, moving slowly along Tyler's jawline. "If you think this is good, wait and see what I can do to you."

His voice seemed to have dropped an octave and, muttered in Tyler's ear, his words sounded positively _obscene_. They went straight to Tyler's dick, and he pulled back, embarrassed.

"Ty?" Josh's face was full of concern once more, and they both returned to reality with a jolt. "You okay?

"Yeah," Tyler mumbled, dazed. "I... need to pee."

It was a lame excuse, and in hindsight Tyler realised he couldn't have picked a _less_ sexy thing to say in the wake of what had just happened, but he just really needed to get out.

It wasn't that he didn't like Josh, or what he'd been doing with Josh. He liked it, alright. But he'd never done anything like this before. Heck, he hadn't even had his first kiss until he was 16 and a half (and that was with a girl, so it technically didn't count).

When Tyler got back to his room, Josh was lying on his back on his bed looking vaguely disappointed.

"Sorry, Josh." Tyler hung his head.

Josh sat up instantly and swung round to face Tyler, smiling at him kindly. "Hey, shut up. You've got nothing to be sorry for." He patted the bed beside him, and Tyler sat down awkwardly. "I think  _I_ should be sorry. Was I moving too fast?"

Tyler nodded weakly, and Josh bit his lip and ran his hand through his hair.

"Shit, I'm sorry, Ty. I'm an idiot."

"Well, you are, but not for that." Tyler grinned at him shyly. "You were fine, I just... I just panicked, I haven't exactly..." He shifted uncomfortably. " _Done_ a lot before."

"Sure, we'll go at your pace next time." Josh flushed, and glanced at Tyler, biting his lip. "I mean, if you want there to be a next time?"

"Yeah, I think I do." Tyler smiled.

"Cool." Josh was visibly relieved, and he held out his arms to Tyler again. "Come here, Ty."

Tyler scooted over and fell into his arms, and they lay there for a long while, just staring at the ceiling while Josh traced circles down Tyler's arms and sides. It wasn't sexual, just tender and lovely, and Tyler decided then and there that cuddling was his new favourite thing.

"Josh?"

"Yeah, baby?"

Tyler's cheeks warmed pleasantly at the nickname.

"I still need to beat you at Mariokart."

Josh laughed, Tyler's body shaking against his chest as he did so. "Damn. I thought you'd forgotten about that."

"No chance."

"I'm gonna have to do better next time, clearly." Josh winked, and chuckled when Tyler looked alarmed. "Don't worry." He pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Only when you want to, Ty."

Next game they played, Tyler won. Incidentally, that might have been because Josh was too busy kissing Tyler's neck to try and make him squirm to pay much attention to the game.

Tyler pretended it wasn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> question: is the switching perspectives thing ok or is it too sudden? and who's perspective do you think i should write more from? feedback greatly appreciated, thank you for all the love so far <3  
> ps the next chapter might take a bit longer to upload, i have things to do the rest of this week !!  
> |-/


	7. Chapter 7

A week or so later, and Tyler was lying in bed texting his boyfriend.

josh: hey hey u still up

tyler: i here

josh: omg tyler joseph is a rebel

tyler: shut up

 _Boyfriend._ The word still tasted strange and unfamiliar in his mouth.

When Josh had asked him, Tyler had thought that the butterflies he'd felt in his stomach when he heard the word would fade in time. But, nearly a week on, and they still wouldn't settle every time the thought crossed his mind.

Tyler thought about the moment Josh asked him at  _least_ a dozen times a day.

 

It had been a regular after school routine; walking home together, making jokes at each other's expense, Josh staying for a bit when they got to Tyler's house, and then a pattern of on-off making out and Mariokart.

"Yess!" Josh exclaimed as he defeated Tyler at the game  _again._ "Tyler, you're seriously gonna have to try harder than that."

Tyler groaned and buried his face in the crook of his elbow, throwing his head back against the bed. "I hate you."

"Oh, you wish, baby boy." Josh's face hovered in front of Tyler's, and when he drew his arm away from his face he dropped a kiss quickly onto the end of Tyler's nose. Tyler blushed, and Josh grinned. "You're cute."

"Nah."

"Yep. I'm sorry, that's just the way things are." Josh smirked at him, and Tyler just wanted to hit his  _dumb_ face.

"God, why do I like you so much?"

It didn't mean to come out, but it did. And it was the truth. Josh stilled, and looked at him for a moment, his expression unreadable. Tyler thought he'd ruined everything.

But then his face broke out into a smile and he moved closer to Tyler again, his breath tickling Tyler's skin. "I ask myself that about you, too, idiot." He nudged Tyler's cheek with his nose, still smiling. "Tyler Joseph, do you maybe wanna be my boyfriend?"

And Tyler, stunned into silence, with his stomach doing the _thing_ , couldn't think of anything better to do than kiss the smile off Josh's stupid face. When they broke apart, Josh was breathing heavily and a little flushed. "Give a boy some warning next time, you horny little shit!" He slumped back against the bed, smirking, and glanced at Tyler. "I take it that's a yes?"

"Nah," Tyler smiled teasingly. "It's an 'I'll think about it.'"

"We can do some more thinking, if you'd like." Josh looked at him hopefully and Tyler laughed, took his face in his hands and kissed him again, softer and slower, then tracing his tongue along Josh's lower lip and opening his mouth slightly as they both tried to occupy the same section of air.

Tyler had gotten pretty good at kissing since he'd met Josh.

He broke away, teasing again, and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know, man."

"Tyler," Josh whined, flopping his head down in the other boy's lap and looking up at him with puppy dog eyes. "Give me an answer."

He pretended to ponder it a while more. "I think I'll go with... yes."

This time it was Josh's turn to kiss Tyler until he was panting for air, and Josh punched him lightly. "That's called karma, Ty."

"Or it's called you being a fucker, as always." Tyler grumbled as he tried to refill his burning lungs with air.

"Are you complaining?" Josh asked sweetly.

"No."

"Good. You won't mind if we do it again then?"

 

As always, a stupid smile pulled at Tyler's lips every time he thought about that evening.

The same smile that he got every time he looked at his phone and saw the familiar notification, [ **josh <3**: *insert dumb text message here*]. 

He rolled over and pressed the screen of his phone on, and saw he had another one now.

josh: im outside

josh: can you come out?

josh: time to put that emergency exit from ur window to good use ;)

Tyler blinked.

tyler: josh

tyler: it's 1:17 am

josh: what better time for a picnic

Oh my God, he was an actual idiot. Tyler grinned into the darkness as he typed out a reply.

tyler: omg josh ok give me 5 to put some clothes on

josh: u can come down naked if you want idm ;)))

josh: im kidding i still have clothes on and there's not much point being naked if u don't have anyone to enjoy it with

Tyler rolled his eyes, his cheeks heating up. How did Josh manage to reduce him to a blushing mess by frickin  _text message_? The boy was one thing he would never understand. He quickly changed into a jumper and pair of skinny jeans.

josh: ty im cold hurry

josh: also the food is going to perish

tyler: calm down child

josh: im serious the ice cream is melting

Tyler moved the piano as quietly as he could - he'd have to stop _putting_ it there - and climbed wordlessly out of the window, dropping to the roof and edging carefully down the pipe before landing half in the plant pot, half on the driveway with an _oomph_.

Josh was waiting for him, smirking as Tyler ungracefully picked himself up and dusted the soil off his knees. "Apparently I'm not the only one that struggles with Tyler Joseph's rebel escape route."

"I'm going to ignore that."

"After I turned up on your boring Monday night to whisk you away on a romantic date? Rude." Josh pouted. "Pretty sure I'm capable of eating all the ice cream on my own..."

"Dude, you seriously brought me ice cream?"

"Us. I brought  _us_ ice cream. Don't get too cocky, Tyler Joseph."

"Oh my  _God_. You're the best."

"I know, right?"

They walked along Tyler's road to the green at the end by the roundabout. So, in the evenings it might be frequented by drug dealers trying to target the type of teens who looked like they might take them up on it, and mothers might keep their children away during the day, but by night the park seemed like a whole different place. Pleasant. Nice, almost.

Even so, Tyler grabbed Josh's hand as they walked through the gate and down the path to the secluded spot behind the bushes, by the pond.

"This is where the drug dealers hide when the police turn up," Josh half-joked as he lead Tyler through the trees. "I just thought it would be _really_ romantic."

"You're just too sweet, Josh."

"Ah, I try."

He stopped walking and dropped Tyler's hand quietly, pulling his rucksack off his back and taking out a blanket which he threw unceremoniously over the ground.

Tyler blinked. "Wow, you _are_ prepared. What happened?"

"Shut up." Josh chucked another blanket at Tyler and it hit him in the stomach with a small  _oof_.

"What's this one for, then?"

"To put over us, dumbass. So we don't get cold."

"Oh."

Josh sat down and began to unload his backpack, pulling out two cans of Red Bull, a bar of chocolate, two packages wrapped in tinfoil (turned out to be tacos - Tyler _actually loved him)_  and a tub of cookie dough ice cream (admittedly, looking very sorry for itself, despite the chill of the autumn night). "Ta dah."

Tyler looked at the food, and up at Josh, and kissed him. "I knew there was a reason I kept you around."

"What, nothing else?" Josh's eyes sparkled mischievously, and Tyler rolled his eyes, laughing.

"Okay, maybe a couple other things."

He smiled innocently, his pink hair falling across his forehead. "What's that?"

"Well, I think you can guess."

"Of course I can." Josh grinned and laced his fingers through Tyler's. "But I wanna hear you say it."

"You're so conceited."Tyler rolled his eyes again. "Okay, well, the making out, for one thing. Your face, it's very cute and I like it. I like hanging out with you. You make me feel good about myself." He was aware he was gabbling. "I feel happy having you around."

Josh was looking at him softly. "Oh my _God,_ you're adorable." He mumbled before wrapping his arms tightly around Tyler and pulling him onto his lap as he began peppering his face with kisses. "How'd I get so lucky with you?" His voice was soft against Tyler's hair, and Tyler relaxed into his touch, leaning up into Josh's face again to catch his lips, gently, and then deepening the kiss.

Josh traced his hands slowly down Tyler's thighs. Tyler gulped and broke the kiss, their foreheads still touching. He wanted to tell Josh that he didn't mind, that he wanted this too, but no words came.

"Tyler?"

"Josh?"

"You can stop me."

Tyler nodded. "It's okay."

"Yeah?" Josh swallowed, and licked his lip, almost hungrily.

Tyler could have sworn it was the prettiest thing he'd ever seen. "Yeah."

They looked at each other for a few seconds, eyes too close together to properly focus, foreheads and fingertips still touching, and then Josh reconnected their lips with a passion that Tyler didn't know he had. He shuffled on Josh's lap, moving back without breaking the kiss to straddle Josh's hips as he moved closer to the other boy again, pressing their chests together, tangling his fingers in Josh's hair, his shirt, whatever he could find. He could feel Josh smirking against his lips, until he broke off roughly to kiss along Tyler's jawbone.

Tyler sighed and his fingers found Josh's straggly pink hair in an instant. He tugged gently, and Josh hummed, the vibrations against Tyler's neck making him shiver. Then his boyfriend's mouth was sliding slowly down the side of his neck, nipping his earlobe, kissing every possible patch of skin it could find to love, and Tyler released a breath he didn't know he was holding, and pulled him closer. Josh smiled, and he kissed the column of Tyler's throat, tugged back his jumper to reveal a sharp collarbone, and his bit down softly, sucking and caressing the area with his tongue, and sucking again.

Tyler was sure that this must be heaven.

But then his mouth was travelling further down, misshaping the neckline of Tyler's jumper, and he pulled back with a question in his eyes as he fingered the hem of the soft grey fabric.

"Yes." Tyler breathed, and then he was pulling the jumper off, and it probably landed in the dirt or the dead grass, but honestly? Tyler was beyond caring.

Josh flipped him over gently so Tyler was on his back. The pink haired boy was hovering over him, one arm holding himself centimetres above Tyler's body as the other held his arm, his waist, his hip. Tyler's skin itched for him. And, as the other boy's mouth touched back onto his now bare chest, he hummed in pleasure. Josh smiled, and ghosted lips down his collarbone, his torso, his nipple.

Tyler  _gasped._ Josh was sucking gently, kitten licking it, and he was gone; the sensation sent his head spinning, and went straight to his dick.

And of course Josh felt it straight away; after all, their hips were fighting for space, pretty much grinding against each other, it wasn't exactly subtle.

He glanced up at Tyler, his tongue still poised on the tip of his left nipple, and smirked. Tyler just about died.

"Are you hard for me already, Tyler Joseph?"

Said Tyler Joseph nodded, fighting every instinct in his body to stop the needy whimper threatening to escape his lips.

"Please."

Josh snorted, and although the smirk never left his face, it was backed up by a deep concern in his soft brown eyes.

"You still sure, baby?"

Tyler didn't trust himself to speak coherently. He nodded again.

"Okay."

Josh's hand undid Tyler's fly with ease and slipped his jeans down to his knees. Tyler shivered, although whether it was because of the chilly air or the anticipation he wasn't sure.

Then Josh kissed Tyler hard, and slipped a hand into his pants.

"Do you touch yourself like this?" He whispered roughly against his lips as his hand pumped loosely at Tyler's cock.

Tyler moaned in response.

"Next time you touch yourself," As his thumb skirted over the tip and pressed slightly on his slit. "I want you to think of me."

"Y-yes, Josh."

"Good boy." Josh kissed him again, pushing his tongue inside his mouth and increasing the pace at which his hand was moving. "Does this feel good?"

"So good. Mmm - Josh..."

"You nearly there, babe?"

A nod, and teeth catching lips.

Josh seemed satisfied. His hand slowed down briefly, then picked up pace as a cruel laugh escaped his mouth. "Ah, I won't tease you."

He found the other boy's neck again and sucked hard as a shudder shook Tyler's body, and he came hard on Josh's fist.

"Shit." Tyler cursed softly, his eyes half-closed, his cheeks faintly pink, even in the low light.

"You're beautiful." Josh murmured, placing a sweet kiss on his boyfriend's lips before sitting up to clean his hand on the kitchen roll originally intended for the food mess. Ahem.

"Come 'ere." He held out his arms and Tyler, clothed again, lay down in them easily, pulling the other blanket up to his chin as they lay there under the stars.

"You're pretty cute when you're coming and moaning my name." Josh remarked teasingly, and Tyler grumbled loudly as he pulled the blanket over his head.

"Shu'up, Josh."

Josh chuckled lightly and ran his fingers through Tyler's messy hair. The boy shrank into it, snuggling up into his lap and closing his eyes. Josh kissed his forehead and wondered again what he did right to deserve Tyler Joseph in his life.

"Well, hopefully you're still hungry after that." He said eventually.

Tyler yawned. "M'tired."

"Come on, baby boy." Josh planted kisses over his face, his closing eyes, his little pointed nose, his forehead, his eyebrows, his cute pink mouth.

Tyler squealed as Josh's lips made contact with his skin, writhing and laughing under his touch as his fingernails dug into Tyler's shoulder in an unforgiving attack.

"Oh my God, that tickles! Stop, okay I'm awake." Tyler sat up quickly, dazed and laughing, and turned to give Josh that big dopey grin of his. Josh felt like someone had just stabbed him, but in a good way. A really good way.

"Good! If you fall asleep on me, you bastard, after I brought you all this food..." Josh's gaze fell on the ice cream and he grabbed it, opened it, and moaned in despair. "See, the ice cream is already melted!" He shook his head, exasperated. "That was your fault, being so bloody distracting and making out with me when we should have been picnicking."

Tyler giggled. "I didn't see you complaining."

Josh rolled his eyes. "Shut up and eat this _cold_ taco."

"If you insist."

They sat in comfortable silence as they finished what was salvagable of the food, and lay in each other's arms until the first light of dawn tore through the fabric of the night sky. Once, a squirrel in the bushes scared Tyler into the crook between his boyfriend's chin and neck, and twice they made out lazily before lying on the (damp) picnic blanket again.

Tyler was pretty sure he had the best ever boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> while i was writing this i was writing about josh's smile and autocorrect changed it to angel  
> my phone clearly has the right idea
> 
> also, updates might be slow again for a while something's come up but i'll try my best  
> |-/


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was going to upload this last night but we had a pun war on the group chat and honestly i didn't wanna miss out  
> also GUESS WHO GOT TICKETS TO SEE THEIR FAVS THIS MORNING eeeee yep its me  
> p.s. pls remember to check the tags as i am adding to them as i write in case anything is triggering !!

"Tyler, is that a hickey I see?"

Tyler snapped out of his love-struck daze as he sat quietly next to his boyfriend and a group of their friends in one of their free periods. They had all come to the common room with the intention of doing homework, but honestly, did anyone even do anything productive in frees?

"What? No. Of course not." He tugged at his collar to cover the redish-purple mark as everyone laughed and Tyler blushed, burying his face in Josh's shoulder.

"What have you been doing to him, Josh?" Jenna smirked. "Actually no, don't answer that."

"I could tell you _all_ about what we got up to last night if you want." Josh grinned, and Jenna mimed throwing up.

"I think I'll pass, thanks."

"Shut up, Josh." Tyler muttered. He tried to sound serious, but it was kind of hard when his face was pink and he was struggling not to smile.

"What? Not my fault I'm proud to have such a wonderful boyfriend."

"Oh my God, you two are _disgustingly_ cute."

Josh's eyes glinted, and he took the opportunity to place a kiss right on Tyler's mouth. Tyler's face flushed, even more furiously.

"Josh, why are you so embarrassing?"

"Shh, you love me."

"Do I though?"

Jenna cackled delightedly, and Josh threw his arm lazily around Tyler's shoulders, and the group resumed their idle conversations and half-hearted homework attempts.

"Wanna go out tonight, baby boy?"

Jenna winked at Tyler from across the table, and Tyler ignored her. "Sure thing. What romantic druggy hot-spot are you gonna take me this time, huh? The bin store by the council flats? The car park at B&Q?" He teased.

"I was thinking the bike sheds behind McDonald's." Josh responded with a grin. "If you're nice to me, I'll take you inside McDonald's, too."

"Jeez, thanks, Josh."

Josh laughed silently, and winked.

 

So that was how Tyler found himself in a sort of routine of going out most nights at midnight with Josh, to eat, chill, or just make out in the back of Josh mum's car (that he wasn't _100% legally_ allowed to drive yet - but "come on Ty, I'm taking my test next month, and it's really quiet out anyway"), and how he also found his sleep schedule rapidly deteriorating. It was why his mum cautiously asked him why he was so tired all the time, and how Tyler ended up lying to her for the ~~first~~ second time in his life and by telling her he was just struggling with school. It was how he ended up giving his piano a permanent new home against the wall with the door, and how he found himself climbing out of his window nearly every night and clinging onto the wobbly drainpipe as he edged his way down it to meet his boyfriend.

It was also how, one night, he found the pipe dislodging, and his foot slipping a little on the edge of the roof,

his fingers clutching air,

a scream leaving his mouth as he fell

and fell

and hit the gravelly drive with a sickening _thump,_

and then there was silence.

_"Tyler!"_

Everything started moving in slow motion, and Josh stood there, staring, and then was at his side in an instant. "Oh my God, Tyler, are you okay? Tyler? Tyler oh my God isweartogodtylerpleaseanswerme." He shook the small, broken boy lying in front of him gently, like he was afraid of breaking him further. He could see where a bone was pushing a little awkwardly at the skin above one wrist, and the circle of blood on the side of Tyler's forehead as it grew and dripped and turned slightly purple underneath.

Josh felt sick.

But he knew he had to be strong for Tyler. Shaking his head slightly to _try_  and pull himself together, he desperately thought back to the First Aid course he'd been on with the scouts when he was 10. You had to keep their head up, right? He pulled his jumper off quickly and rolled it up, putting it gently under Tyler's head. What else? The recovery position? Who even knew. He could feel tears pricking at his eyes as he gently cradled Tyler's head in his arms and stroked his hair. Like this everything was so peaceful again, and he could almost pretend Tyler was sleeping.

This was all his fault.

It was pitch black, except for the streak of light provided by the street light at the end of the Josephs' drive. What was he thinking, anyway, making Tyler go out with him at this time of night on a Tuesday? Why hadn't he fixed the drainpipe for him? Why hadn't he been there, ready to catch him as he fell?

Josh pulled his phone out of his back pocket with shaking hands, called the ambulance, and cried.

 

He didn't really like hospitals. Memories of his mother apologising and apologising, of lies being told of falling down stairs and off ladders and from trees, of his father cursing as people in white wrapped his wounds in gossamer bandages.

But wherever Tyler was was where Josh was. And right now, that was a hospital.

It was the least he could do, really.

When the ambulance had pulled up Tyler's mother had run outside, hysterical and crying, and on the ride to the hospital Josh wasn't sure if he'd been more scared of what might happen to Tyler or the rage in his mother's eyes. But by the time they'd arrived and been chucked in a grimy waiting room together, all that had been left to do was cry and talk it out, and Kelly had apologised and told Josh that she knew it was Tyler's choice to do what he did, that she'd just wanted someone to blame.

Josh could understand that.

"Mrs Joseph?" The woman enquired now. "I'm Dr Mackenzie, I'm looking after your son today. I'm pleased to tell you that he woke up about an hour ago. I think he's gone back to sleep now, but that's fine, and he's doing just fine, but we're going to keep him in for the night because he had a nasty bump on the head and we want to check that everything's still okay tomorrow. We'll also get a cast put on his wrist, and if everything's still fine by tomorrow evening, he can go home." She beamed at Tyler's mother, and Josh stood there silently, his mouth still dry but releasing a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

"Do you want to come and see him now?" Dr Mackenzie asked.

"Yes, please." Kelly answered. She shot a worried look at Josh.

"Can I see him too?" Josh spoke up. His voice sounded smaller than he remembered it, and he coughed self-consciously.

The doctor's eyes settled on him like she was noticing him for the first time, and narrowed as she took in his hair and piercings.

"I'm afraid only relatives are allowed to visit."

Josh bit his lip. "But I'm his boyf-"

"His brother." Kelly cut in loudly. Josh shut up quickly, and nodded. 

Dr Mackenzie raised an eyebrow. She didn't look like she believed them for a second. But hey, it was 4 am, and she was finishing her shift soon, and Josh didn't think _he'd_ have the energy to argue either.

"Go on, then." She sighed, and ushered them down the corridor to the ward where Tyler slept.

He was lying back on the limp pillows of the hospital bed, his eyes closed, his lips slightly parted, and Josh winced. His beautiful face had a crimson cut running from his hairline to his eyebrow, held together by fragments of white thread. His wrist was bandaged, and for a moment Josh could only see his dad, sat back on the sofa with that look on his face like he always did when they got home from the hospital.

But this wasn't his dad, it was Tyler, and Josh bit his lip and tried not to cry. He hung back as Tyler's mum kissed her son on the forehead and murmured something in his ear. Then she straightened up, wiped her eyes, turned to Josh and gave a shaky smile. "I'm going to get a coffee and come back when he wakes up, and give you two some time alone." She squeezed his hand. "Do you want anything?"

"No, thank you." Josh smiled weakly.

"Okay. See you in a while." They nodded awkwardly at each other, and Mrs Joseph left through the big swinging doors, leaving him standing at the foot of the bed, and a heavy silence in the air that he was suddenly all too aware of.

Josh slumped down in the chair by the bed in which his boyfriend lay and watched him sleep for a while ~~(totally not creepily)~~. He noticed the way his eyelashes faded out at the ends, and the curve of his jaw, the trail of his (minimal) stubble over his top lip and down his cheek and round his chin. Josh knotted and unknotted the string round his wrist, a habit he couldn't seem to shake, and stared at his trembling fingers. This was all his fault, oh  _God_.

But then Tyler's slow and steady breathing paused, and sped up a little, and his eyelids fluttered open, and for a while he looked a little confused, just like he usually did, to be honest. Josh sat quietly as he took in the bandages and the stitches and the white, white room glaring them both in the face.

Then he started as he seemed to notice his boyfriend for the first time. Josh's lips curled a little at the corners, and he raised one hand in a wave before dropping it to his side again. Tyler copied him, and the two exchanged a smile. It was peaceful, comfortable silence.

"I'm so sorry." Were the first words that spilled from Josh's lips.

"What for?" Tyler blinked, and smiled. "You dumbass, it wasn't your fault, it was mine, and that stupid pipe."

"I feel bad."

"Don't, Josh, please. Look at me." Josh raised his head slowly and Tyler reached out his good arm and brushed a little of Josh's fluffy pink hair off his forehead, cupping his jaw in his palm. "Don't blame yourself, okay? At all. I wanted to sneak out with you. I _love_ sneaking out with you. It _wasn't your fault_."

Josh caught the hand and kissed his knuckles, smiling a little. "Okay."

"Come 'ere." Tyler shuffled across in his bed and patted the space beside him, and Josh took the cue, and lay down on the sheets.

"How're you doing, Ty?"

"I'm alright. I mean, I've obviously been better, but..."

It was a weak attempt at a joke but Josh chuckled anyway, and rested an arm across his boyfriend's waist. "Does it hurt a lot?"

"Not too bad. Apparently my ninja landing skills have saved me from getting severe concussion or any of that stuff." He gave Josh a toothy grin, and Josh's heart nearly pumped out of his chest. He nuzzled happily into Tyler's chest.

"I've always wanted a ninja for a boyfriend."

Tyler laughed and leaned down, wincing a little, to drop a kiss on Josh's forehead. Josh couldn't help but think that it should be him looking after Tyler, not the other way around, but he wasn't about to complain. He did feel pretty fragile, to be fair. With good reason.

After a while their conversation petered out and turned to sleep, and Josh's head rested on Tyler's chest, their chests rose and fell in time, and their tired breaths mingled in the air where their mouths _almost almost_ met. 

That was how Dr Mackenzie found them as she walked into the room, and raised an eyebrow when she saw them cuddling on the (very small) bed.

"Mr Joseph, I thought I heard you awake, I'm sorry. How are you feeling?"

Josh woke with a start, sheepishly extracting his hand from under the edge of his boyfriend's shirt, and Tyler tried not to laugh. "Oh, I'm alright, my head doesn't hurt too much anymore. My wrist's still pretty sore, though."

The doctor nodded. "We'll get a cast on that tomorrow. For now, we need to give you some more pills, and do a few more checks. We're going to have to ask your...  _brother_ to leave whilst we do that."

Tyler smiled up at Josh as he removed himself from around Tyler's body and stood up gingerly. "You should go home and get some sleep, Josh."

Josh shook his head. "I'm not leaving you."

"I'll be okay, honest. I'll see you later."

Josh visibly hesitated, and bit his lip. He didn't want to leave Tyler, but he could see that the doctor clearly wanted him out. "No, no, I can't. I'll be in the waiting room with your- with Mum. I'll see you in a bit, yeah?"

"Sure."

Josh ruffled Tyler's hair on the way out, like he thought a brother probably might. He didn't know. Tyler gave him a stupid grin, and it was all he could do not to _kiss_ it right off his face, but he didn't have a feeling that would go down too well.

So he trudged down the hallway into the shabby room at the end where Kelly was sat, drinking coffee from a polystyrene cup and staring at the wall with a bored expression.

"How is he?" She asked as Josh entered.

"Ah, he's doing okay." He ran a hand through his hair as he plopped down beside her. "He seemed his usual self, and they're just doing a few more tests now."

"Good, good. You can go home if you want, you know, Josh. You must be tired. I know I am, and your mother's probably worrying about you."

"I doubt it," Josh muttered to himself. And, out loud: "I'm alright, honest. I don't want to leave Tyler."

Kelly gave him a fond smile. "You two are good for each other, aren't you?" She said it more as a statement than a question, and Josh's stomach did a little flip as he realised how true it was, and how attached he'd become to the boy sleeping quietly in a bed down the corridor and how, for anyone else, he wouldn't be here, not in the place he hated the most besides his own home, and how, if it were anyone else, he probably wouldn't have cared enough to turn up at their house at midnight just because he wanted to see them anyway.

"Yeah," he replied. "We are."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be happier i promise  
> anyway hope you enjoyed, this fic is actually going somwhere with the plot now woOO


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i told you this one would be happier  
> SO MUCH FLUFF

"Oh my _God_ , Josh, I've got a broken wrist, not a broken back!"

"Sorry." Josh grinned sheepishly and stepped back to let Tyler get in the car by himself. (Apparently he didn't need Josh's help, _even though_ he was injured. Who knew?)

"You idiot."

"Hey, hey, trying to be supportive boyfriend here." Josh held up his hands in mock defense, and Tyler laughed as he slid into the back seat and Josh got in after him.

"You are. Don't worry." He leant across and gave his boyfriend a quick peck on the lips, and then leaned back, smirking. "Just don't go overboard, yeah?"

"Ungrateful," Josh huffed, grinning to himself as he turned to look out of the window.

Tyler could see his mum's eyes watching them in the rear-view mirror, and they exchanged a smile before he looked away bashfully. He was lucky that his parents were so well disposed to his and Josh's relationship, really. His mum hadn't batted an eyelid when he'd first told her he'd had a crush on a boy, and his dad had just seemed relieved that he had one less child at risk of being involved in a teenage pregnancy. So, his parents were pretty cool like that.

From what he could tell, Josh's parents wouldn't be so readily accepting if they knew. His boyfriend rarely mentioned them and often changed the conversation if Tyler suggested they go to his house for once. So he'd stopped bringing it up.

"Would you like us to drop you off at your house, Josh?" Kelly called cheerfully, interrupting Tyler's thought train. "Or did you want to come round for a bit so you boys can hang out? You can stay for dinner, if you like."

"That'd be great, thank you." Josh replied. He looked at Tyler and giggled. Tyler died a little. "If you're not sick of me by now, that is."

"Jesus, you mean I have to talk to you for _even more time_ than I already have?" Tyler sighed loudly, trying not to let out the grin that was threatening on his face. "Ew, clingy."

"Says the one who threw himself out of a window yesterday because he was so desperate to see me." Josh teased back, and Tyler reached across to whack him in the arm with his plastercast.

It backfired. "Shit, that hurt."

"Oh my God," Josh cracked up, shaking his head in feigned despair. "I am going out with an actual idiot."

"If it makes you feel any better, so am I."

" _Wow_. Rude."

"But true."

Tyler's mum pulled up outside the house, and the two boys got out of the car - correction: Josh got out of the car, and insisted on holding the door for Tyler - and made their way indoors.

"Tyler!" Zack exclaimed as he walked in the door. "You're not dead! Congrats." He clapped him on the back and left up the stairs.

"Tyler, we were so worried! Don't ever do that again, you hear me, young man?" said his Dad.

"Huh? What happened?" his other brother asked.

And "Aah, mum said we could have pizza tonight because you're ill. Cheers!" (Madison).

Tyler shrugged apologetically as she skipped off. "What can I say, everyone cares about my wellbeing so much in this family. Shall we go upstairs?"

"Kids! Dinner!" His dad called from the kitchen, at that exact point.

Tyler pulled a face. "Okay, I guess not. Um, sorry, you'll have to put up with my family for a bit."

"Anything for you, Tyler Joseph." Josh clutched his heart dramatically and gave Tyler a dumb smile.

"Aw, thanks." Tyler rolled his eyes.

They made their way into the dining room and sat down side by side where Tyler's mum had cleared a space and squashed everyone up so Josh could fit at the family table too.

"Good that you could join us, Josh." his dad was saying. "It's nice to finally meet the boy my son doesn't shut up about."

He winked at Tyler, and Tyler glared back.

" _Dad_."

Josh looked fondly at Tyler, and laughed. "Thanks for having me round, Mr Joseph. Nice to meet you too."

"You're welcome anytime, son. Remember that."

Tyler's heart was nearly bursting out of his chest with happiness as he caught Josh's eye and they smiled at each other. But the moment didn't last long; romance was never really going to work at a table full of Tyler's family members. Madison broke it with a snigger. "Tyler and Jo-osh, sitting in a tree-"

"Okay, Maddie," Tyler's mum hushed her. "That's enough."

Tyler groaned and shot his mother an imploring look. "Can we go upstairs now? Please?"

His mum sighed, smiling. "Go on, then."

"At last."

"Thank you for the dinner." Josh managed to get out, before Tyler was grabbing his hand and towing him out of the room and up to his bedroom.

Josh smirked. "Someone's desperate."

"Shu'up. Just wanted to get away. I love 'em, but they do drive me mad sometimes."

Josh smiled, almost sadly, and Tyler patted the spot beside him on the bed. "Joshie? You okay?"

Josh nodded (rather unconvincingly, Tyler thought, but he didn't want to press it) and plopped down beside him. A sly grin replaced the sadness on his face and he took Tyler's hand in his own, threading their fingers lazily together.

"You know what I've missed?"

"What?" Tyler was pretty sure he could guess. He'd been missing it himself, to be honest, and his heartbeat started to race.

"Oh, I think you know what I mean, baby boy." Then Josh's lips crashed messily into his own and it shouldn't have been comfortable but somehow still was, and Tyler found his (unbroken) arm snaking up around Josh's neck as a sort of automatic response as Josh's hands played with the edge of his t-shirt and ran up and down his chest. Before he really knew what was happening he was straddling the other boy's hips and Josh was kissing his neck, but then Tyler remembered that he hadn't showered in a while and probably smelt, which kind of killed the moment. He pulled back.

"Ty? You alright?"

"Yeah," he murmured against Josh's forehead. "Can we put this on pause while I shower?"

Josh sighed, and lifted Tyler off his lap, nodding. "Yeah, not a bad idea. Um, can I have one as well? After you, I mean. Unless you're into that." He winked, and Tyler laughed, blushing in spite of himself.

"Maybe another time, when, like, my entire family isn't in the house?"

"Ah, yeah. Didn't think of that."

Tyler chuckled to himself as he walked out of the room and down to the bathroom with his towel, leaving Josh in his room. When he got back after showering, the pink haired boy was sprawled out on his bed on his phone, but he looked up as Tyler entered and his eyes flitted with renewed interest down his chest. Tyler suddenly felt uncomfortable standing half naked in front of Josh, in broad daylight, with all his flaws on show, and he instinctively pulled the towel up to cover a bit more.

"Here." he chucked a different towel in Josh's direction and looked down, embarrassed. "You can go and shower now. I can lend you some clothes, if you want."

"Thanks, Tyler Joseph." Josh jumped up and kissed him on the forehead. "You're pretty, by the way." And he strolled out of the room just like that, like he _hadn't_ just set Tyler's cheeks on fire and made him feel 100 times better about himself all in five simple words.

_Goddamn that boy's power._

 

Later, Josh got back from the shower, and it was Tyler's turn to stare. Something about the way his pink hair had darkened and stuck to his forehead in the shower, and the droplets of water sitting across his toned chest caused Tyler to lose all knowledge of the English language. He'd got some soft sweat shorts and a tshirt in his hand and was about to say something and pass them to his boyfriend but all words now dried up in his mouth, and he came out with a quiet  _uhhm_ instead. Josh smirked,  _the bastard,_ and Tyler coughed awkwardly.

"Um, I have some clothes you can wear, but I don't know if you'll be needing them yet..."

Josh cut him off with a hand on his ass and a long kiss on his open mouth, and Tyler let out a surprised squeak as the clothes fell to the floor. He stood up to meet Josh's height, and his cast bashed awkwardly against his damp chest.

They both stepped back. "Sorry." Tyler muttered. "Stupid broken arm."

Josh grinned. "We'll try again."

He reconnected their lips and walked Tyler backwards until his thighs met the edge of the bed and he was forced to sit down. " _Josh_."

"Lie down for me." Josh instructed, and Tyler did, letting his head fall back against the pillow but still unable to relax, despite the soothing time of Josh's words. Not with that  _look_ in his eyes, and that towel slipping _slowly slowly_ off his waist.

Josh lowered himself onto the bed, too, hips dangerously close to Tyler's, eyes staring into his own, hands careful to keep his weight off Tyler's broken wrist, and a  _wickedly sly_ grin on his face.

"Good boy." He whispered. "You wanna let me take care of you?"

Tyler nodded frantically. " _Please._ "

"Okay, baby boy."

Tyler tore his eyes away from Josh's chest as he was forced to close them when a pair of lips came into contact with his own neck, and he could no longer concentrate on keeping his eyes focussed as well. Josh paused, and sat him up briefly. "Can I take your top off?"

"Mhm." Tyler tried to ignore the husky, needy tone in his boyfriend's voice and attempted to hold his arms up as Josh eased his shirt over his head. It got caught on the bloody cast a few times, causing some giggles from the two boys, but finally they succeeded and Josh laid Tyler down again.

"You're beautiful, you know that?" Josh's mouth flickered further down his chest, leaving small purple bruises and teeth marks here and there, and Tyler groaned and dragged his nails down Josh's back, earning a positively _obscene_ moan from the boy's mouth. "You like that, huh?" He whispered, and Josh hummed a  _yes, oh God_ against Tyler's lower stomach.

Needless to say, the sudden power he had over Josh didn't last long as his lips travelled further down Tyler's hips, and paused at the waist band of his boxers. Josh raised his head, and Tyler closed his eyes tightly, not sure he could keep it together if he only saw Josh's face.

"Look at me." Josh commanded, and he had to. "Baby boy" - and Tyler was nearly driven crazy - "can I suck you off?"

And he fucking whimpered, not even caring about how needy he sounded at this point, because frankly, he was. "Yes _, p_ _lease_."

Josh smirked. "You sound so pretty."

Tyler's hips bucked forward involuntarily as Josh's hand  _oh-so-innocently_ brushed over his growing erection as he eased Tyler's pants down his legs and off, and his hands gripped Tyler's hips leaving little crescent moons in his skin, and Tyler didn't think he'd _ever_ seen such a beautiful sight as Josh's face between his thighs, looking up at him with pure and undeniable lust in his eyes.

He sank down into the mattress again, and a sharp pain shot through his wrist.

"Ow! _Shit_."

Josh's body started shaking, and Tyler glanced down to see him cracking up.

"Oh my _God_ , Tyler, you sure know how to kill a moment."

"I'm sorry."

"Dude, it's okay." Josh shook his head and wiped his eyes, laughing quietly. He glanced down. "You're still kind of hard, it's fine. Where were we?"

The whole situation would have been laughable, but then he sank his teeth into Tyler's hip, and Tyler  _gasped,_ and everything went rushing back to his crotch in a sudden wave of heat.

"Oh, shit, okay."

Josh smirked at him. "Knew it wouldn't take much."

And before he could register what was happening Josh had taken his length into his mouth and was running his tongue in a strip down the base of his cock to the tip and swirling lightly, and Tyler threw his head back again with a stifled cry, and thoughts of anything _but_ Josh's dirty mouth left his head.

"Josh, _fuck_."

His hips twitched, and Josh held them down roughly as he sped up the movements of his head on Tyler's cock. His eyelids fluttered closed and he watched Josh through half-lidded eyes, throwing his good hand across his mouth and letting out another muffled cry.

Josh pulled back briefly with a soft lick at Tyler's tip, his hand resuming his mouth's work while he spoke to him. "You nearly close, baby?"

Tyler mumbled something that sounded vaguely affirmative, and Josh's eyes glinted cruelly as he took Tyler in his mouth again.

"Ohh,  _Josh!_ " a shudder shook Tyler's body and he came in his boyfriend's mouth, panting and sweaty and feeling better than he ever had before. Josh grinned at him sweetly, using his hand to guide him through his orgasm and licking his lips as he stared Tyler straight in the eye.

"Baby boy," he almost growled, placing a kiss on Tyler's nose. "You're so pretty. So beautiful. Aren't you?"

Tyler whined some disagreement and buried his head in the crook of Josh's neck in embarrassment.

"Was that good?"

Tyler nodded.

"Love making you feel good. And you're so good for me, baby."

Tyler brushed Josh's fringe off his sweaty forehead, and leaned up to kiss him. It was sweet and sticky, and Josh's mouth tasted vaguely of his own cum, but Tyler didn't care. They lay in silence for a few minutes or maybe a few hours, legs and lips tangling, until Tyler sighed and sat up. He ran a hand through his hair, yawning, and pulled on the clothes he located on the other side of the bedroom.

"I'm going to get a drink." He mumbled to Josh, still sprawled out on the bed. "D'you want anything?"

Josh shook his head no, and he padded down the stairs and into the kitchen, hoping to avoid his family members at all costs; let's face it, he probably didn't look all that presentable right now.

"Tyler?"

 _Too late._ He groaned inwardly.

"Yeah?"

His mum emerged from the living room as he was filling a glass with water from the tap. She looked at him suspiciously. "Is Josh staying the night?"

Tyler winced. "Um... yeah? If that's okay...?"

Kelly hesitated, and Tyler was sure she was going to say no. He mentally prepared himself for a quick dash upstairs so he could warn Josh to get dressed before his mum burst in on him naked in Tyler's bed. He didn't think _that_ would go down too well.

But then - "Sure." his mum replied. "Just... be safe, Tyler, okay? Do you guys need any condoms, or..."

"Mum!" Tyler squeaked, nearly sending the glass of water he was holding crashing to the floor. "We're not... I... no, we don't... no, no, just no."

She raised an eyebrow. "I know what you kids get up to these days, Tyler. But when it does happen, it still needs to be safe, okay?"

"Yes!" Tyler managed to get out. "Um, I'm gonna go now. Night, mum."

He couldn't get himself the hell out of there and up the stairs to his room fast enough, and when he slammed the door behind him so violently that the window panes shook, Josh thought he'd seen a ghost.

"No," Tyler reassured him. "Just my mum trying to talk to me about safe sex."

"Oh my God, you're so immature."

"Excuse you!"

Tyler set the glass down on his bedside table and snuggled into the safety of Josh's arms, yawning.

"Does your wrist still hurt?" Josh asked. He giggled. "Sorry if I hurt you earlier. I don't think broken arms are designed for sex."

"I don't either." Tyler set down the water and laid down in front of his boyfriend so they were spooning when Josh curled up around him. "But it's not too bad."

"You know, you're gonna have to stop getting hurt when we're together." Josh said teasingly. "You seem to have a habit of falling. For me. What's that, three times now?"

"Three?" Tyler scoffed. "In your dreams, mate."

"Think so. Once when we first met and you dropped your history folder at my feet..."

" _Oh my God,_ I thought you'd forgotten that."

"Of course I remember! It was the first time I saw your _beautiful_ face." Josh teased.

"You're gross. Wait, no, I didn't _actually_ fall over that time! That doesn't count!"

" _Ugh_ , fine. But then there was the time I knocked you out when we were playing rounders." He laughed at the memory. "Oh my God, I was crushing on you so bad back then. I thought I'd fucked up everything."

"Okay, that one counts. Seriously?"

"Yup."

"That was kind of what brought us together, though. That was why you asked me to Nando's that time. I mean, I know  _I_ wouldn't have talked to _you_ otherwise."

"Yeah, cos you're a fuckin' wimp." Josh snickered.

Tyler elbowed him hard in the stomach with his plaster cast arm, and Josh let out an  _oof_. "Okay, okay, I take it back!"

"So when were the other two times?"

"Well, and yesterday. That  _is_ three."

"Two." Tyler corrected.

"Three."

"Two!"

"Three!" Josh wrapped his arms around Tyler's waist and pulled him closer so their bodies were flush together, and started peppering his neck with kisses, making Tyler squirm. 

"Josh! It tickles!" he squealed and Josh laughed, placing one last kiss on his bare shoulder and snuggling up to his boyfriend.

"M'tired."

"Me too."

"Night, Tyler."

"Night, Josh."

There was a long pause. Josh's breathing steadied, and Tyler didn't know whether to say it.

His breath dropped to a whisper. "I love you."

Josh didn't answer.  _Shit,_ he'd fallen asleep. Tyler didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing.

He closed his eyes and fell asleep to the feel of Josh's breath on his neck and his hand on the small of his back.

 

It was _definitely_ two.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first off... thank you sm for getting this to over 100 kudos!! omg ily all, and all your lovely comments keep me writing  
> second... happiness is OVER this is where it gets sad like real sad but still a bit cute i hope ??

Josh woke up the next morning with the best night's sleep he'd had in a while. They'd both agreed to skip school that day (after all, Tyler  _was_ ill) so he awoke leisurely at half 10 and smiled as his boyfriend still slept contentedly in his arms. He looked so young and innocent, and you'd never have guessed he was crying Josh's name as he sucked him off last night.

Josh chuckled to himself.

Tyler stirred in his sleep, and his eyelids fluttered open. He smiled, blinking against the bright light, and for Josh it was like a punch in the gut. "Morning, Joshua."

"Morning, Tyler."

Tyler kissed him with morning breath and a sticky mouth, and it should have been a bit gross, but it wasn't. Josh kissed him again, and fell back on the pillow, grinning.

"How are you feeling?"

"Surprisingly good." Tyler rolled over and propped himself up on one elbow, face hovering over Josh's, smiling down at him. "Might have had something to do with last night." His smile grew wickedly and Josh's stomach flipped, his tongue darting out to wet his lips automatically.

"My pleasure, baby."

"But no, really." Tyler smirked. "It was all mine." He sighed. "I feel bad, Joshie. I would've returned the favour, but..." he held up his broken wrist, and Josh shook his head, chuckling.

"It's okay. Some other time, yeah?"

Tyler nodded eagerly. "Yeah."

They kissed again, and Tyler flopped down on Josh's bare chest, his hand wandering up and down his torso and fiddling with his nipple.

"Tyler!" Josh spluttered. "Stop that."

"Why?" Tyler grinned up at him mischievously, and Josh groaned inwardly.

"Stop being so goddamn cute, too." He muttered. "That shouldn't be allowed."

"Says who?"

"Says _me_."

"And," Tyler was massaging his nipple now, nibbling gently at the other one, sending _waves_ of pleasure down Josh's body, and this time the groan was out loud. "what are you gonna do about it?"

And that was the last straw.

The two boys didn't come down for breakfast until half 11, by which point Tyler was looking flushed and dishevelled and Josh smug as hell. But nobody mentioned it.

They ate eggs on toast together, and lazed around playing Mariokart, and Josh  _may or may not_ have cheated by distracting Tyler with the things he was whispering in his ear as they played. Tyler  _may or may not_ have lost, as usual, and then they  _may or may not_ have made out in Tyler's bed for a while.

Eventually Josh looked at the time, and sighed.

"I really gotta go, baby boy."

Tyler pouted. "Already?"

"We have spent practically the last 48 hours together," - kissing Tyler's forehead - "and baby you know I could stay forever and not get tired," - kissing his nose - "but I need to go to school tomorrow and I have some homework to do and you're just so damn _distracting_ " - on the lips - and again - "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Ok _ay_." Tyler groaned. "If you have to go. I'll miss you."

"Clingy." Josh grinned, extracted himself from his boyfriend's grip and slipped out of the room and down the stairs with Tyler at his heels. He gave him one last kiss before heading out down the drive and turning back at the end to see Tyler still stood at the door, watching him.

"Josh?" He called after him.

"Yes?"

"I really like your face."

Josh rolled his eyes and smiled, half-exasperated and half-endeared. Let's be honest, mostly endeared. "Thank you, Ty. I'm going now."

"Bye, Josh."

"Goodbye."

Josh left his boyfriend's house both reluctant, but also glad to have some time alone to clear his head. Truth was, he couldn't stop thinking about what Tyler had said to him last night. Before he'd gone to sleep. Yep, the 'I love you' part. They'd been together a while now, so it shouldn't have come as a shock, but it still did, somehow. All the time they were together there were voices in the back of Josh's head:  _you don't deserve him. You're gonna end up hurting him like the rest. He could do so much better than you._

And Josh knew they were right. So when Tyler had whispered those words, those words that sent a rush of warm happiness from his head to his toes, he had _so so_ badly wanted to say them back.

But he couldn't.

He couldn't quite explain why. He wasn't afraid of the sense of commitment that came with it, not to Tyler. He wasn't afraid of falling in love, because he knew he'd already done that, and hard. And he wasn't afraid of going to hell for it like his mother had warned him he would, because he didn't believe it.

But deep down, he knew he was lying to himself, because he _did_ know the real reason: it was letting Tyler down. Tyler, who had so much hope for him, so much love, and so much innocence; he could never let him down by telling him he loved him and then breaking his heart and hurting him again and again.

There was something  _more,_ in his relationship with Tyler, than he'd ever found before. He was in _love_ , for God's sake. True love, or as close to it in his near 18 years of living as he'd ever got. Josh really didn't want to lose that.

He sighed and walked down the path to his house with some apprehension: understandably so as he hadn't been home for two days. He paused at the door, his hand on the key, and took a deep breath. With some luck, his parents would be too engrossed in some TV show or arguing with each other to even hear him return. He slipped inside.

No such luck.

Oh,  _shit._

"Where the fuck have you been?" His mother turned on him the minute he stepped inside.

Josh muttered something about her never usually caring about him, she tried to skirt around her, but she grabbed him by the shoulder and held him in front of her.

"Josh, you haven't been home for two days, for fuck's sake! Who do you think you are? Do you think you can just come and go in my house whenever the fuck you want to?"

"No." Josh said through gritted teeth. "Can I go now?"

His mother let out a curt laugh. "When you tell me where you've been."

"At a friend's." Josh sighed, praying she would leave it at that. _Please, please._

"Who?"

"You don't know him."

"Oh yeah?" She raised an eyebrow. "What kind of friend is he?"

"I don't know what you-"

"Is he your boyfriend? Did you sleep together?" She was shouting now, and Josh could smell the alcohol on her breath. "Did you fucking sleep with this boy?"

"No! Mum, please-"

"You did, didn't you." Her voice had lowered now, had this disgusted tone to it, and Josh didn't know what he feared more. "You dirty fag, get out of my sight."

Josh froze. Tears pricked his eyes, and he blinked desperately. He would do anything but let her know she'd wounded him.

"Didn't you hear me?" She spat, louder now. "I said you're a fucking faggot. I don't want to see you. Get. Out."

And then Josh scarpered, hurtling up the stairs and to the bathroom and crying until he was sure he was going to throw up, and burying himself in his duvet and crying again until he couldn't breathe, and wishing, wishing he were anywhere but here.

_Buzz._

**[17:17] New Message: tyler joseph <3**

Josh wiped his eyes, still hiccupping, and reached weakly for his phone.

tyler: hey hey wanna hear a joke

josh: ...ok

tyler: why did the cow go to outer space?

tyler: to visit the milky way!!

tyler: *badum tsss*

josh: haha

Usually he lived for Tyler's lame space jokes and stupid text messages, but today... you can see why he wasn't feeling them. Tyler noticed right away.

tyler: josh? u okay? it wasn't THAT bad...

josh: yes

josh: no

josh: help

**[17:24] Incoming Call: tyler joseph <3**

**[Call Declined]**

josh: i'm sorry ty i can't talk rn

josh: not here

tyler: omg what's wrong

tyler: are you hurt

josh: kinda

tyler: shall i come round

josh: but not like that

josh: no no you can't

tyler: shall i meet you somewhere? the place we had that picnic one time

josh: sure, if i can get out

tyler: stay calm okay? breathe, deep breaths in out in out okay

tyler: i'll be there soon, i got you joshie don't worry

josh: thank you tyler

josh: thank you sm

tyler: i'm leaving now

**[17:30]**

josh: i love you

**[17:33]**

tyler: i love you too

 

Josh's parents were in the kitchen smoking when he snuck out the back door and took off running down his road to the park by the roundabout. He was vaguely aware of the damp red stains on his cheeks and his undone shoe laces and the looks people were giving him as he tore down the road like his life depended on it, and it only made him want to cry more. He tried to think of things that could calm him down, like drumming, and Tyler, and Tyler.

And the Tyler was there, wrapping his arms, broken wrist and all, around Josh like he was never going to let him go, and holding him as he cried and cried like a child, and wiping away his tears with the pads of his thumbs whilst kissing his red cheeks lovingly. The kindness in itself made Josh want to cry even more, and he hiccupped and shook in Tyler's arms as soothing hands rubbed circles on the small of his back and comforting words were whispered in his ears.

"Josh?" Tyler tentatively asked at last. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know."

Tyler threaded their hands together, and kissed Josh's knuckles one by one. "It's up to you. But if you want to, you know I'm right here. I'll always be right here."

The soothing quality of his boyfriend's voice finally calmed Josh, and he allowed himself to be pulled onto a park bench, his head in Tyler's lap while fingers ran softly through his hair.

Josh couldn't see, but Tyler was close to tears, too.

"Wanna tell me about it?" He asked again, his voice cracking slightly. Josh shook his head. "I'm okay now."

"You don't seem okay." Tyler pointed out doubtfully.

"I am, honest." Josh wiped his eyes on the pads of his hands and sat up, offering Tyler a watery smile.

Tyler's heart melted. "If you say so." He shuffled awkwardly, and stared hard at his fingers. "Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Um." Tyler took a deep breath. "Did you mean what you said earlier? About... loving me??"

Josh's heart pounded. He'd forgotten he'd said that. But he really did mean it, so so much, and he nodded firmly as his voice dropped to a whisper. "Of course." Then: "Did you?"

"Yes." Tyler coughed. "I, um, I tried to tell you last night. But, you were asleep."

Josh was silent for a moment. "I heard." he said softly. "I was awake."

"Then," Tyler's eyes widened and his voice wobbled. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Josh sighed and dragged a hand through his hair. "I was scared. Scared by... how much I feel for you. And I didn't want to say it if I didn't mean it, but now I know I do mean it, so so much." He smiled sadly at Tyler, and held out his arms. His boyfriend shuffled into them and leant comfortably against his chest.

"I do love you, Ty, honest."

"I love you too, Josh."

They sat for a while, until Josh didn't look like he'd just been crying his eyes out and realised that he should probably get home before his mum realised he was gone again. They stood up and walked to the gate of the park slowly, and stopped just outside, facing each other.

"Thank you." Josh said simply, squeezing his boyfriend's hand. "I'm lucky to have you, aren't I?

"Ah, I don't know about that." Tyler looked down, smiling and blushing faintly, and met his eyes. They were filled with concern, and care. "Are you gonna be okay?"

"Yeah." Josh nodded, and managed a smile. "'Course I will. You know me."

"Josh - you don't have to be brave all the time, you know."

"I know. But honestly, I got this one." At least, he hoped he had.

"Okay. Call me whenever, alright? I mean it, whenever."

"Yeah. Thanks again."

Their lips and eyes met once more, and then Josh was walking away, and Tyler was staring sadly after him, and later he was back home in bed and hoping to forget about the whole thing (easier said than done). Not about Tyler, though.

Josh wasn't sure he'd be able to do that if he tried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sidenote: i'm sure momma dun is a lovely lady irl i apologise


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so guess what's happening tomorrow  
> that's right fucking SCHOOL :) :) :)  
> so updates are probably gonna slow right down
> 
> i say this i'm still gonna be writing and losing sleep instead of doing homework and getting my life together so dw too much :)))

Josh learned to cope, like he had been for the past ~~few~~  ten years, and hours turned into days turned into weeks. But this time Tyler was there the whole time, holding him when he cried and rubbing circles on his back and kissing away his tears.

Tyler was kind of the problem, really. If it wasn't for him, Josh could get out of here; it wasn't like he had anything else to live for in London. No family, no friends he cared enough about... just Tyler. His fucking _everything_.

And now Josh had a dilemma, because he couldn't honestly take the abuse for any longer than he had to. Hell, he'd give anything to move out now and take Tyler with him. Back to Columbus, maybe. Start a new life. Start  _afresh,_ and forget his mother or his life in London ever existed. Except for this boy that he loved more than anyone else in the world. And when it started getting worse, Josh realised that he might end up having to choose between Tyler and freedom. And _that_ , well. That fucking tore him apart.

Of course he'd choose Tyler. Of course. Right?

He didn't say anything to his boyfriend, and Tyler noticed that Josh seemed sadder sometimes, but stopped asking why after Josh, a little angrily, told him it was nothing. He felt bad lying to Tyler, but it seemed to him that if he pretended it didn't exist, it wouldn't. And the less people that knew about it, the easier he could do that. After all, he had his good days more than his bad days, and on the good days when Tyler was there and he could forget about his troubles for a few blissful hours, it really did feel like they didn't exist.

He was fine.

"Josh?" Tyler was asking as they walked out of school together one (kind of bad) day. "Hey, you alright?"

Josh nodded and mumbled something about stress.

"Hey," Tyler slipped his hand into Josh's and kissed his knuckles. "Come round, and we'll order pizza. Would that cheer you up?"

Josh smiled in spite of himself. "Yeah. Thanks, man, that sounds sick."

"No problem, dude." Tyler was just more relieved that his boyfriend was showing an interest in something, at last. He'd been so...  _down,_ recently, ever since that day Tyler found him crying his eyes out in the park. And the worst of it was that Tyler didn't know what to do. He was worried.

They walked home together making dumb jokes as usual. Josh was laughing today, and Tyler felt a glimmer of hope that things were looking up at last. Maybe Josh would open up to him today. Then they'd make out like usual, and maybe a little more, if they had time, and then they'd fall asleep together in Tyler's bed. Everything would be okay!

When the food arrived Tyler insisted on picking up Josh's pizza for him and feeding it to him because "you're sad, I'm gonna help you".

"Tyler Joseph," Josh smiled at him affectionately. "I can eat pizza by myself."

"Nope, no you can't."

Josh laughed and shrugged, because honestly, Tyler looked cute as hell leaning across the bed with a look of pure concentration on his face as he fed Josh his dinner. Not as cute as Josh looked though, leaning up to get the pizza like a baby bird, Tyler thought.

"Josh - whoops, that was your nose, sorry. Here, put in your mouth." Tyler leaned over to wipe the tomato sauce of Josh's nose, giggling.

"The pizza might not be the only thing of yours I'll be putting in my mouth later." Josh waggled his eyebrows, and Tyler blushed.

"Oh my God, you're so embarrassing." He shook his head, laughing silently. "Why am I dating you again?"

"Hmm." Josh swallowed the last of the pizza and lay down with his head in Tyler's lap. "Because you love me?"

"I can't _think_ why."

"Me neither. Hey, come 'ere." Josh reached up a tomato sauce covered hand to cup Tyler's cheek and pull him down to kiss him, and Tyler pulled away, laughing.

"Ew, you're gross. Wipe your fingers, for God's sake."

Josh rolled his eyes and cleaned his fingers on a tissue, and reached up again. "Can I have a kiss now?"

"Maybe." Tyler's eyes were laughing, but then they died down, and he looked at the floor, sighing. "If you tell me what's going on."

"What do you mean?" Josh stiffened in his boyfriend's lap, and sat up slowly, avoiding eye contact.

"You know what I mean, Josh. Look, I don't want to have to force you to talk about it, but please, please just tell me why you're crying all the time?"

"Look, it's none of your business."

That stung. Tyler tried to blink away the tears in his eyes. "None of my business? Josh, I'm your fucking boyfriend."

"That doesn't mean you need to know everything about my life!" Josh found himself shouting suddenly. Tyler looked stunned, and Josh felt a pang of regret in his stomach. But he didn't want Tyler to know, he didn't, he didn't.

"Josh." A pause. "Josh, look at me." Tyler's voice stayed calm and level, and he reached out to take Josh's hand. Josh snatched it away. "I want to help you, I do. I'm worried about you. It hurts, you know, that you don't feel like you can tell me this. You can tell me anything. You should know that."

"I know." Josh stared intently at the floor. If he looked at his boyfriend's face, he was afraid he'd cry.

"So?"

"So, what? I don't want to talk about it, Tyler. Please, drop it." His voice shook dangerously, and he bit his lip to stop it. Stop his entire body from shaking.

"Okay." Tyler's voice came out quiet and sad. "I get it. You don't want to tell me. But..." He paused cautiously. "You can't expect me to keep being there for you every time you cry, and not expecting anything in return. I love you, Josh. And I want to be there for you. But when this is something that's obviously such a big part of your life, and you're not sharing that with me... it's hard to keep doing that, you know?"

"Hard for you?" Josh spluttered. "For _you?_   I'm sorry, I thought  _I_ was the one with the problems who cries himself to sleep most nights and sometimes doesn't have a reason to live anymore? But, oh, that must be  _super_ fucking hard for  _you_."

He jumped up from Tyler's bed and headed towards the door.

Tyler groaned. "Josh! I didn't want to argue about this!"

"Looks like you're a bit late for that." Josh replied coolly. "I'll see you around, Tyler, okay?"

And just like that, he was gone. Gone, leaving Tyler sat on his bed wondering how on earth he ended up losing his boyfriend in the space of a ten-minute argument, and what on earth he was supposed to do now.

He watched Josh go until he was out of his sight, and cried.

 

**[20:24] Missed Call: tyler joseph <3**

**[20:25] Missed Call: tyler joseph <3**

**[20:26] Missed Call: tyler joseph <3**

**[20:27] New Message: tyler joseph <3: **josh can we talk?

**[20:44] Missed Call: tyler joseph <3**

 

**[21:03] No New Messages**

 

tyler: jenna help i've messed everything up

tyler: josh hates me

Jenna: i'm sure that's not true, that boy adores you tyler

tyler: no no you don't understand

tyler: i think we're over

Jenna: oh shit for real?

tyler: yeah he just walked out on me

tyler: i upset him i was so insensitive

jenna: what happened?

tyler: long story

Jenna: dw i'm coming over

Jenna: give me 15 mins

tyler: thanks

She arrived promptly 14 minutes later to find a snivelling Tyler curled up on his bed.

"Oh, Tyler." She said, sitting down next to him and stroking his hair softly. "What did he do to you?"

"It wasn't his fault." Tyler said miserably. "It was mine."

Jenna looked at him skeptically. "I find that hard to believe."

"No, it was." Tyler started crying again, and Jenna wrapped her arms around him and let him cry for a while. After 20 minutes, though, she had to do something.

"Okay, Ty, pull yourself together." She passed him a tissue and he wiped his eyes, and tried to stop crying. "Whatever happened, I'm sure we can sort it out. You two are smitten, honestly, it's gotta be something pretty big to break you apart."

Tyler stared at his shoes, and quietly spoke up. "So, you know how Josh has been kinda quiet recently?"

Jenna frowned. "Yeah, I had noticed. Is that to do with it?"

"Kind of. I mean, not directly. But he's not been his normal self for a while now, and, um, he cries a lot. Like, a lot, and I have to calm him down and tell him it'll be okay, but I don't know what _it_ is." He jumped up, and began to pace around his room. "I mean, he should tell me, right? I'm his boyfriend, we tell each other stuff. So I asked him. And he got mad and said that it was none of my business, and I overreacted, and he walked out. That's it." He threw himself down on the bed again, and stared dejectedly at his hands.

"He said what? That it was none of your business? Ty, of course it is! You weren't in the wrong."

Tyler looked up slowly. "You think?"

"Yeah, for sure. If you're the one drying his tears, you should know what's wrong." She shook her head. "You're just gonna have to give each other space for a while, I guess. See how it goes from there." She gave Tyler a warning look. "Do not call him first, okay?"

"Um..."

"Tyler, you haven't!"

"Yeah, maybe I have. Multiple times." Tyler looked up guiltily. "I wanted to make up, okay?" His voice dropped suddenly, and Jenna had to strain to hear him. "Do you think we'll ever get back together, Jen?"

"I'm sure you will." Jenna gave him a sympathetic smile and ran a hand through her blond hair. "You guys can get through this. He'll realise his mistake and come running back soon enough, you wait and see."

"What if he's waiting for  _me_ to realise _my_ mistake-"

"Tyler, shut up." Jenna gave him a look. "It wasn't your fault. End of."

"But he needs me!"

She stood up, and gave him one last hug. "When he needs you, he'll come back. Get some sleep, now, Tyler."

He sighed. "Okay."

"Night, Jenna."

"Night, Ty."

Jenna slipped out of the door and out into the night, and Tyler couldn't help but think about the person he was usually saying goodnight to, and being kissed by before falling asleep in their arms, or texting them until he couldn't keep his eyes open. He checked his phone in some vague hope that there'd be something.

**[22:56] No New Messages**

Tyler didn't get a lot of sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!! drama  
>  so as i said i will still try and write as much as i can, hopefully at least one chapter a week? but ugh school
> 
> if i'm doing super badly and you wanna kick my ass into gear/moan at me for this chapter/just say hi hmu: my tumblr is andyoure-aliar (i just kinda started using it again so do come talk to me there i am a lonely squirrel)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> looking back the last chapter was short and kind of badly written lmao hopefully this makes up for it and the cliffhanger

Life without Josh was harder than Tyler had imagined.

Okay, so, to be fair, it had only been a week. But that's not the point.

The hardest parts were in the dumb little things, like when he was laying in bed and trying to remember what it was like to call Josh at stupid o'clock in the morning simply to talk about aliens, or when he sat down at a lunch table with his friends and despite the fact that it was generally 15 plus people trying to fit onto a table designed for 6, it felt too empty without him there. Or when he was walking home, and he'd see Josh a few metres in front of him, and deliberately have to slow down or take a detour so he wouldn't have to pass him and see his dumb face and - Tyler was going to _cry_.

Josh missed Tyler when he was sitting at home alone every evening doing his homework and trying not to think about the countless hours he'd spent in Tyler's room after school, kissing him and teasing him and beating him at Mariokart, and when his mother told him his faggot ass was going to hell, and he had to cry alone in his room because Tyler's arms and lips were no longer there to comfort him. He learned to wipe his own eyes and drag his own ass out of bed every morning, but it was never the same. And that was when Josh realised that _maybe_ telling Tyler about the problem wouldn't be so bad after all, because it seemed like nothing could ever be worse than this.

Other times, he thought that maybe it was better this way, because then he really wouldn't have anything to miss when he moved away from London.

It was on the second weekend in a row that Tyler had spent moping around and feeling sorry for himself that Jenna decided that something needed to be done.

**[18:46] Incoming Call: Jenna**

"Tyler, are you still lying around in bed?"

"Um... no."

"You are, aren't you?" Tyler could practically hear Jenna rolling her eyes. "Unbelievable."

"Jenna, please," he whined. "Let me be heart-broken in peace."

"You've had a week to be heart-broken now! You've got to get your life together at some point."

"I  _will._ At some point. That being, not right now."

"Tyler."

"You said he'd come back, anyway." Tyler was vaguely aware of how pathetic he sounded, but it wasn't really his main concern.

Jenna sighed. "Okay, I admit I said that. But clearly he's a dickhead, and he's not going to. So you need to get over him."

Tyler still felt the need to defend him, and he glared at nothing in particular. Then remembered Jenna couldn't see him, and stopped. "Josh is not a dickhead! He's got a lot to deal with."

"Whatever, Tyler. We're going out."

"Now?!"

"I'll call for you at half 7. You know Tom Miller? Year 13?"

"Yeah? Kinda, I guess?"

"Well, he's having a party, and we're gonna go."

"But-"

"But nothing. Come on, Ty, maybe they'll be some cute guys there, you never know."

They both knew she was lying. Tyler and Jenna's school was basically straight-guy central.

"Cheer up! I'll see you soon." And then she hung up on him.

Tyler just sat there for a while, staring moodily at his phone. He wasn't going to go. He wasn't.

 

But despite his protests, he still found himself in Tom Miller's garden shed at midnight that night drinking what was _maybe_ his fourth can of beer with Jenna and some other guys he didn't even know went to their school. At some point after his second drink he wondered if Josh would be there, but by the third the thought had left his head. He was actually having a better time than he thought he would. Come to think of it, the alcohol might be helping with that. Jenna whispered something in his air as the guy opposite him puked in the corner of the shed (again), and they both burst into hysterical laughter as the stench became too much to bear and they spilled out of the shed into the packed garden, warm only from the volume of bodies congregated in it.

"I should... get home," Tyler hiccupped, laughing as the sound escaped his own mouth, and Jenna nodded, suddenly soberer in the cold night air.

"Yeah, let's get you back."

"I've never been drunk before." Tyler giggled, and Jenna rolled her eyes. "'S'fun."

"I can tell. Tyler, you're not even that drunk."

She hugged a few people goodbye and grabbed his hand, pulling him to the bus stop and helping him onto the correct bus. "You need to drink water when you get in, okay? And have something to eat."

"Drink." Tyler murmured. "I'll have another drink."

"No, Tyler, water! It'll ease your hangover tomorrow."

"Hmm." He fell promptly asleep on his friend's shoulder, and had to be woken as the bus pulled up at the end of Tyler's road. "This is your stop, Ty, oh my _God_."

"It is!" Tyler beamed and stumbled off, waving at Jenna.

"Text me when you get in!" She called after him. Tyler nodded, and she sighed, highly doubting that he'd remember. Ah well, at least he wasn't _that_ drunk. Sober enough to get himself home, at least.

 

Tyler did as Jenna told him, and downed four glasses of water in a row when as soon as he got in. Then he ate a slice of cold pizza he found in the fridge, and began to feel better. Better enough to remember that the last time he ate pizza was with Josh, and not even feel sad about it.

That was, until he got up to his room and the first thing he saw was a large bunch of flowers sat in a vase on his windowsill. The song Tyler was singing in his head stopped abruptly and he nearly tripped over in his attempt to get to them. There was a note beside it. He picked it up, his heart sinking slightly when he saw that it was in his mum's handwriting.

_a certain someone dropped these round for you earlier, just after you went out. he seemed quite upset, i said i'd tell you he called  
just popped them in a glass of water for you to keep them fresh!_

Tyler let the note fall to the floor, and reached instinctively for his phone.

 **[1 New Message]** josh: i'm so sorry tyler. when you get this please please call me

tyler: well

tyler: what do you want

josh: tyler omg thank you i thought you were ignoring me

tyler: i should be

josh: i know you're mad but please give me a chance to explain this

josh: can i call you?

tyler: i don't really want to talk to you

josh: i get that

josh: but please hear me out

josh: tyler?

josh: tyler please answer or i'm coming over

josh: ok i'm coming round

And, even though Tyler was definitely  _not_ supposed to be encouraging this sort of behaviour, and even though he'd pretended he didn't want to speak to Josh, let alone see him, and even though Jenna would probably kill him if she knew that this was going to happen... he smiled. He'd missed those texts. He _was_ looking forward to seeing Josh.

It took all his willpower not to give the biggest smile he could muster and throw his arms around him when he opened the door and saw Josh standing there on the doorstep, a sheepish grin on his face, his brown eyes filled with regret, his pink hair matted and stuck to his forehead from the rain. Tyler gulped, because he looked  _damn hot_ with wet hair.

"Come in." he said curtly. "And be quiet until we get to my room, because everyone's asleep."

The smile disappeared from Josh's face and he nodded, stepping inside and following Tyler up the stairs to his bedroom.

"Do you want a towel?" Tyler asked, gesturing to Josh's drenched hair and clothes. "You look a little... bedraggled." His facade slipped, and a small smile broke out on his face as Josh shrugged, looking down at his wet body like he'd only just noticed the rain.

"Uh, sure... thanks." he tentatively returned the smile, and Tyler felt his heart flutter, like they were meeting all over again. This was _not_ part of the plan.

Tyler slipped out to get Josh a towel and returned, passing it to him with a soft "there you go."

"Thank you." It sounded way too formal, and Tyler shuffled on his bed uncomfortably.

"So..."

"So?" Tyler lifted his head to look at Josh, and crossed his arms. "Go on."

Josh sighed. "Firstly, I'm sorry for what I said to you. I was angry at myself and things so I took it out on you, I guess. It was a dick move."

Tyler gave him a small smile. "Yeah. It was."

"And... I should've told you from the start why I was upset, because you had a right to know." He took a deep breath, and looked at Tyler shakily. "My mum's just being homophobic as hell, and it's really wearing me down, I guess."

"Oh, Josh," Tyler moved closer to him instinctively, then realised what he was doing and stopped. He bit his lip. "Like how? Directly at you?"

Josh nodded, wincing. "Um, yeah. Like calling me a faggot and stuff. And shouting at me. And yeah, she just gets angry a lot, and she takes it out on me because she doesn't hit my dad anymore, so... I'm just an easy target, I guess. And that's the truth. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you earlier, Ty." And then he was shaking silently, and it took Tyler a few seconds to realise he was crying. He put an arm cautiously around Josh's shoulders, who melted into him, so Tyler put his other arm around him, too, and held him for a long while.

"Oh, God. I'm so sorry. And, uh, sorry for being so insensitive."

"You weren't, really. I'm the one who should be sorry. Uh, do you think," Josh looked up, wiping tears from his eyes and giving Tyler a watery, hopeful smile. His voice was barely a whisper. "Do you think we could try again? Us, I mean?"

Tyler just looked at him for a long time, taking in his damp, fluffy hair, his deep brown eyes, his soft pink lips that he had so missed slotting into his own. He was still the same Josh Dun, _his_ Josh Dun. The Josh Dun that Tyler loved. "Of course," he whispered back, and closed the gap between them.

Kissing Josh was like kissing him again for the first time, when fireworks had gone off in Tyler's heart and his head had gone spinning into outer space and he hadn't quite known what was happening. It was like that again, because he wasn't expecting this to happen,  _hell_ no.

But he liked it.

They broke apart, looking at each other with breathless excitement in the dim light, their noses bumping softly against each other.

"God, Ty." Josh murmured. "I've  _missed_ you."

"I've missed you too." Tyler whispered back. "I thought I'd lost you."

Josh grinned. "Oh, you can't get rid of me that easily."

The he kissed him again, roughly, his hand curling around Tyler's jaw and the other slipping under his t-shirt and gripping his hip hard enough to _bruise_ , and Tyler gasped into his mouth.

_"Josh."_

"You like that, baby?" He murmured as his lips drifted to Tyler's neck. "I'm gonna make you feel so good."

To be honest, it was never going to Tyler long to get hard, with Josh talking like that, his voice low and husky with want and his hands touching Tyler anywhere he could. "Please."

"Please, what?"

"Touch me." Tyler whined, cringing at how needy he sounded, and arched his back suddenly as Josh's hand slipped into his jeans and started palming him through his boxers.

Tyler was putty in Josh's hands, and before long he was lying on his back, panting and sweaty and flushed pink with him stomach covered in his own cum. Josh cleaned it off for him, and Tyler just  _looked_ at him with that _way_ he had as he ran a hand through his hair, and muttered  _fuck_ under his breath, and God, if Josh wasn't semi-hard already, he fully was now.

"You're so pretty, Ty. God, just watching you when I'm touching you gets me hard."

He glanced down at the uncomfortable tent in his pants, and rolled off Tyler and onto his back, reaching down to touch himself. Tyler caught his wrist to stop him.

"Hey. I got you."

Josh's eyes widened. In the whole time they'd been together, Josh had been the dominant one, and that was just the way things were. Tyler had touched him a couple times, but... let's just say it hadn't gone too well, seeing as Tyler was too nervous to properly enjoy it. With that in mind, Josh should have been apprehensive, but right now he was too far gone to care.

"Okay." He murmured, pulling his hand away and leaning back. "If you're sure, baby boy."

"Of course." Tyler kissed him, and dropped his lips down onto Josh's chest, sucking hard on his collarbone and swirling his tongue on it, then sucking gently again. Josh moaned, and he looked up sharply. "You gotta be quiet for me, okay?"

" _Ugh_ , sorry. You're too good at this- _shit_."

Tyler's mouth edged its way down Josh's chest, sucking on his nipple, and Josh bit down hard on his hand to stop the even _louder_ groan escaping his lips. The sensation went right to his crotch, and he looked at Tyler imploringly. "Please, Ty..."

Tyler smirked as he looked up at him. "Can't take it anymore?"

"No." Josh said through gritted teeth. "No, I'm fine."

"Glad to hear it." Tyler purred, and Josh was driven _slightly_ crazy.

After a slightly slow and embarrassing attempt to peel Josh's still-damp skinny jeans off his still-damp legs, Tyler was placing wet kisses all over Josh's lower stomach, and he was tangling his fingers in the sheets and _trying_  to stay quiet. A short intake of breath, a muffled moan and one less pair of boxers later, and Tyler's mouth was hovering over his cock and Josh was trying not to come there and then just from that _disgustingly_ dirty look on Tyler's face.

He tangled his fingers hard into the sheets to keep from bucking his hips involuntarily into Tyler's face as his tongue slid up the length of Josh's dick and his mouth closed softly around it.

" _Shitshitshit."_

Tyler just gave him that innocent look of his, and bobbed his head up and down, licking at the tip, gripping Josh's hip and resting the other hand on his thigh. Josh gasped and Tyler pulled away to admire his boyfriend coming apart in front of him, his mouth slightly open and his eyes half closed and his legs shaking a little as he came all over Tyler's chest, moaning softly.

"Fuck, Ty, how did you get so good at that?" as he kissed his boyfriend, still panting from the force of his orgasm, and his head fell back onto the pillow.

Tyler grinned cheekily. "I learnt from the best."

"Shush, you. Damn that was good." He laughed shakily and kissed Tyler again, and they lay down side by side, naked with hands linked and legs entangled.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

They drifted to sleep with the other one filling their thoughts and their senses and, unsurprisingly, it was the best sleep either of them had had in a while.

 

It was about 11 the next morning when Tyler's mum stuck her head around his door to wake him. "Tyler! I'm just going to-". She stopped abruptly when she saw Josh curled up around Tyler's body, the duvet pulled up to their chins and contented looks on their faces. She smiled, and went downstairs to get the car keys. 

After, they woke to the sound of the car pulling out of the drive. Tyler rolled over and sighed blissfully at the signal that they had the house to themselves, and snuggled closer to Josh. "Good morning."

"Morning, baby boy."

"What time is it?"

Josh reached blindly for his phone on Tyler's bedside table and switched it on, squinting as the light hit his sleepy eyes. "Uh, 11:18."

"Ah, good, we've got ages." He closed his eyes again.

"We've got all day, Ty, it's Sunday." Josh pointed out.

"True."

"Maybe we shouldn't waste it like this."

Tyler opened one eye and looked at him suspiciously. "What do you mean..."

Josh grinned and pecked him on the lips. "Come _on._ "

"But Josh," Tyler scrunched up his face, and laughed. "I feel all gross and ew already. I need to take a shower first, okay?"

Josh's face lit up. "Hey, remember that time you promised me I could shower with you?"

"Did I promise though?" Tyler teased.

"Yep." Josh sat up on one elbow and smiled wickedly down at his boyfriend. "Don't make me tickle it out of you, Tyler Joseph."

Tyler laughed and scooted out of bed quickly. "Come on then."

"Seriously?"

"Yes, you idiot. Are you just gonna gawp at me, or come 'ere before I change my mind?"

Josh blushed and jumped out of bed too, taking Tyler's outstretched hand and following him down the hallway the bathroom. Tyler locked the door and then Josh was on him, biting his neck and Tyler laughed, and pushed him off gently. "Calm down! We haven't even got in the shower yet."

"Sorry," Josh grinned guiltily. "Just can't keep my hands off you."

"Obviously. I'm just so hot."

"Too damn right, Ty."

The younger boy turned away, flushing, and stepped into the shower, turning the stream of water on full blast. "It's cold!" He yelped.

Josh laughed and jumped in after him, grabbing him round the waist from behind and holding him under the icy cold water.

"Fuck!" Tyler shouted again. "You _fucker_ , put me down!" The water began to get warmer and Josh set Tyler down on his feet, kissing him lightly on the back of the neck. "That tickles!"

"Oh my _God,_ there is no pleasing you!"

"Well." Tyler smirked, and Josh rolled his eyes, turning Tyler round and leaning in to kiss him.

10 minutes in, and there was a knock at the door, and Zack's voice was yelling at them.

"Can you two keep the bloody noise down, I swear to God! Also, people other than you need to use the bathroom!"

Josh looked up at Tyler from midway through sucking his dick, his face quickly colouring red.

"Um, I didn't know your brother was home?"

"Me neither," Tyler mumbled, wincing at the loss of contact and leaning his hips forward slightly. "Fuck it, he can wait."

"I can hear you." Zack said irritably. "All too well, goddamn it. Can you just hurry up, please?"

Josh winked up at Tyler. "We're on it."

And Tyler came faster than he knew he was capable of, a little embarrassingly, if he was honest, and washed himself and Josh off with the showerhead. They bundled up in fluffy towels and filed out of the bathroom past a disapproving-looking Zack. He shook his head.

"I honestly didn't know it was possible to be that loud, Tyler."

"Piss _off_."

"The sex wasn't that good then, huh?"

"Oh my _God_ , shut up. I literally hate you, Zack."

"Hey, don't be too mad at him," Josh smirked when they were cuddling in Tyler's bed afterwards. "He's just jealous that you're getting this dick and he's not."

Tyler groaned and rolled over, burying his face in the pillow. "Literally get over yourself."

"Come on, I mean, I'm pretty good."

"Well..."

Josh laughed and threw an arm over his waist, kissing Tyler's shoulder gently. He paused. "Hey, I missed this. Us. You. I'm sorry, again."

"Stop apologising, I swear to God!"

"Okay. Sorry."

Tyler opened one eye. "You're still doing it."

"What? Oh, sorry."

"Josh."

"Sorry."

_"Josh."_

"Um...sorry?"


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one was a little slow coming, but i had some serious writer's block and a lot of other school stuff to do. but it's a longer one, so do we have a trUCE there *wink wink*  
> i'm sorry  
> anyway we haven't got too far to go now and i owe it to you guys to get it finished so i will try and update more regularly now until it's done!! i have the ending all planned out and HOPEfully it'll be worth it  
> 

"Tyler. Tyler. Tyler, stop." Josh watched as his boyfriend tried, unsuccessfully, to twirl the spaghetti he was eating around his fork and get it into his mouth, preferably  _not_ via his chin. Tyler grinned up at him, his face a little smeared with bolognese sauce, and Josh's heart melted. "Oh my God, you're an _actual_ five-year-old."

"Shut  _up_." Tyler flicked his fork in Josh's direction, and a small piece of minced beef flew through the air and lodged itself in Josh's pink curls.

Josh rolled his eyes as he picked it out and dabbed at the sauce in his hair with a napkin. "Point proven. Five-year-old."

"You're just jealous because you're cuter than me." Tyler chirped. Then he realised what he'd said, and frowned. "Wait, no, shit, I fucked up. I meant, because I'm cuter than you."

Josh laughed at his confused little face and leaned over to wipe the orange sauce of the tip of his nose. "Well, that you are, Tyler Joseph."  _I'll miss you, and your dumb cute nose._

"Everything okay for you guys?" The waitress asked. Tyler chose that moment to accidently whack himself in the face with a stray strand of spaghetti, and both boys erupted into laughter. She raised an eyebrow, smiling slightly, and walked off. When they had finally calmed down, and he had cleaned his face up  _again,_ Tyler cleared his throat and gave Josh a softly curious look.

"So, Josh. To what do I owe this pleasure?" He gestured to the fancy(ish) restaurant they were sitting in, and gave him a lopsided smile, only half teasing. If it was any other day, they would have just gone to the sandwich bar on the edge of town that Josh knew Tyler liked because they did really good Mexican food.

Josh shifted awkwardly on his chair. "Do I need a reason to take my beautiful boyfriend out for dinner?"

"Josh... I know something's up. You're nervous. You've got something to tell me." Tyler protested, despite the blush of pleasure creeping over his face. He had gotten pretty good at reading Josh's body language in the past few months, apparently, and he knew there was more than that to it.

Josh hesitated, and shook his head brightly. Too brightly. "Nah, it's nothing. Ty, seriously, man, I just wanted to take you out."

Tyler looked at him critically. _He's not telling me something._  But he also knew when not to push it. "You sure?"

"Yep. You deserve this, baby."

Tyler smiled, and tried to ignore the nagging feeling in his stomach that Josh was _definitely_ lying. "Well in that case, thank you. I love you, Josh, you're the actual best."

"I know, right?"

"And the most modest, too."

"Oh, shut _up_." Josh threw a napkin at him, and the moment of doubt was gone, and Tyler's boyfriend was back, and he almost, _almost_ forgot anything had ever happened.

 

Until a week or so later, when he woke up at 4 am to find an empty space and fading patch of warmth in the bed beside him. 

He was out of bed and downstairs in an instant, about to panic when he found Josh in the kitchen. Tyler paused at the door and watched his boyfriend through the crack of light for a minute; the pink-haired boy was sat on the worktop next to the sink with a glass of water in his hand, his bare feet dangling and kicking lightly at the cupboards, muttering to himself. He ran a hand through his hair distractedly and threw his head back in frustration, and at that point Tyler pushed the door open and wordlessly went to him, wrapping his arms around his waist.

There was a hesitation, and then the sound of a glass being set down and Josh's arms were round him too, carding through his hair and stroking his back. Tyler pulled back and looked up worriedly. "Josh?"

"Yeah, baby boy?" he sounded tired, and Tyler frowned slightly.

"What's wrong?"

"I- nothing's wrong, Ty."

Tyler sighed. "Josh, don't lie to me. You're in my kitchen at 4 am talking to yourself; baby, something's up."

Tyler swore Josh was gonna tell him then; he sighed deeply, and opened his mouth, and then closed it again. "Nah, honestly, I'm just stressed about, you know, same old shit."

Tyler raised an eyebrow. "Josh..."

"Leave it, Ty, please." Josh's tone was almost desperate, begging his boyfriend to drop the subject. The thing was, the longer he didn't mention it, the longer he could pretend it wasn't going to happen.

Tyler's tone softened. "Is it stuff at home?"

"Yeah." Josh nodded firmly, and hoped it was convincing. "Yeah, yeah, it's just getting bad." Well, it wasn't a lie.

Tyler pulled him closer and Josh allowed his forehead to fall forward onto Tyler's shoulder. His boyfriend's hands were sliding under the hem of his t-shirt and caressing his stomach and sides and back, and it wasn't sexual but  _tender,_ and Josh felt his heart skip one (or several) beats. "I love you so much, Tyler."

Tyler pulled away to look Josh in the eye, his hands still softly clutching the skin above his waistband, a kind smile on his face. "I love you too, baby. And don't you forget it." He leaned forward to place a quick kiss on Josh's nose, which he had to stand on tiptoes to reach, and stepped back. Josh thought it was cute. _He_ was cute. "Come on, Josh, let's get you back to bed. We've got school tomorrow. It's okay, I'm here. I'll be here with you all night. I've got you, Josh."

Eventually Tyler succeeded in coaxing his boyfriend off the kitchen worktop and led him up to bed by the hand. But Josh couldn't shake the weight off his shoulders, even with a strong contender for Cutest Boy in the World lying in his arms and snoring softly, and when Tyler's alarm went off two hours later, Josh hadn't gotten a wink of sleep. Needless to say, he felt like shit.

 

Days passed, and Josh still hadn't told Tyler.  _Weeks_ passed, and Josh still hadn't told Tyler. What was wrong with him? He owed his boyfriend the truth. And what's more, he needed to face it himself. How was he ever going to come to terms with it if he kept pretending he didn't exist? Stupid.

Scared.

In hindsight, he didn't choose the best timing to bring it up.

"Tyler!" A voice called out down the corridor in the maths block, and the brown haired boy spun around, mid-laugh, to meet the eyes of the owner of the voice.

"Josh!" he smiled warmly, and it faltered when he saw the look on Josh's face. He broke away from Jenna's group and fought back through the throngs of high schoolers to stop in front of his boyfriend, concerned. "What's wrong?"

"I need to tell you something." Josh mumbled. "Uh, I have some work to do after school, but can we like, go for a walk or something after? To talk it over."

"Um," Tyler's mind suddenly went blank and was replaced by pure panic. "Um, shit, I mean, yeah. Just... call for me when you're ready, yeah?"

"Sure." Josh looked up from the floor to glance at him quickly, fiddling with the bracelet on his wrist, and back down again. "Uh, I gotta go. Sorry, Tyler."

Tyler had a feeling he wasn't just referring to the fact that he had to leave. "Sure. Bye."

Then he slipped off into the crowds, leaving Tyler stood in the middle of the corridor, clutching onto his history folder like his life depended on it and trying not to cry as students kept pushing and pushing past him. But there wasn't a cute pink-haired boy to pick up his folder and his tears now if he dropped them. Tyler blinked rapidly and tried to stop his lip wobbling, and made for the toilets. To cry.

 

tyler: help josh is going to break up with me

jenna: what the hell

jenna: no he's not

jenna: tyler what happened

tyler: he said he has something to tell me later

jenna: maybe he's pregnant

jenna: i'm sorry that wasn't funny was it

jenna: okay but seriously ty josh is smitten

jenna: no way is he breaking up with you i swear to god

tyler: i have to go to class now

 

It was 5:31 when there was a knock at the Josephs' front door. Tyler ignored it, and remained on his back, staring aimlessly at the ceiling.

"Tyler! It's for you!"

Oh, _great_. Like Tyler _really_ wanted to see someone right now. "Tell them I'm in the shower."

"No, Tyler - I think you'll want to see them."

Tyler groaned and pulled on a jumper before dragging himself downstairs. He stopped short when he saw Josh stood there, and suddenly felt embarrassed, like they were meeting for the first time again. "Hi."

"Hi." Josh reached out a hand, and Tyler declined it, instead choosing to tuck his own into the pocket of his hoodie. "Look, Josh, if you're gonna break up with me... please just do it now."

"What?"

Tyler dared a look up, and Josh was staring at him incredulously. He laughed sadly, and let his hand fall to his side. "Why- why would I do that?"

"What?" It was Tyler's turn to be confused now. "You mean... you're not dumping me?"

"Of course not." Josh looked hurt, and reached out to pull Tyler into a tight hug. He inhaled the smell of Tyler on the soft material of his hoodie, felt him in his arms, his breath against Josh's neck, and wanted to cry. "I love you, baby boy." He mumbled against his boyfriend's neck. "God, how could you think that?"

"I'm sorry, I just-"

"Well you were wrong." Josh leant forward and kissed Tyler soft and slow, and didn't break away until Tyler did. "Um, can I come in?"

"Do you even need to ask?" Tyler teased lightly in response, and dragged Josh up the stairs behind him. "Come on, dumbass."

They seated themselves comfortably on Tyler's bed, lazy and in each other's arms with tangled legs. Tyler's hands stilled on Josh's arm, and he looked up at his boyfriend. "So, what did you want to tell me?"

Josh sighed. "Well, the thing is, Ty- shit, I- I don't know how to say this. God, this is hard."

"Josh," Tyler laced their fingers together and brought them up to his mouth to place a kiss on Josh's knuckles. There was concern in his brown eyes, and Josh felt his insides squirming. "Tell me."

"It's hard."

Tyler gave him what he hoped was an encouraging look.

"Okay." He took a deep breath, avoiding Tyler's gaze. "ShitTylerIgottatellyouthisI'msorrybutI'mgonnahavetomoveawaysoon."

There.

It was said,

and it was real.

Tyler froze, and dropped their entwined hands onto his lap. His voice was barely audible. "What?"

"I have to move away." Josh repeated slowly. He avoided Tyler's gaze, scared he'd cry if he just saw his boyfriend's face. The words sped up, and tumbled out of his mouth like a tsunami. "It's getting too bad at home. She shouts all the time. I feel like shit half the time. She makes me feel ashamed of myself and she makes me feel ashamed of  _you_ and I'm so sorry oh  _God_ I'm so sorry but I can't take it anymore. I'm moving out when I'm eighteen, Ty, and far away from here so she'll never find me again."

And all Tyler could think to say was: "How far?"

Josh bit his lip hard enough to draw blood. "Ohio."

_"Shit."_

"I'm sorry."

_"Fuck."_

"I'm sorry, Ty." A sob escaped Josh's mouth, and he clutched Tyler tighter to him. "I'm so sorry."

"Stay with me?" Tyler asked feebly. He knew it was wrong, but he said it anyway, and his brain began to rattle off pathetic ideas. "You could stay here. You could share my room. When I turn eighteen we could move out together. Or you could move somewhere _closer,_ and we could keep seeing each other." He knew he was being ridiculously selfish as he said it, but he could only think about Josh, and losing Josh, and his brain started to go into overdrive. "I'm sorry. I know you can't. I understand completely, Josh, and it would make me an asshole to stop you."

They held each other for a long time. Josh's chest had a large damp patch on it, and Tyler could feel silent tears dripping into his hair. The sky darkened, and they stayed lying there, conversation feebly starting up again and slowly, slowly, the atmosphere lightened and they could almost pretend Josh hadn't just dropped a bombshell on them both.

Almost.

Not really.

"Come 'ere." Josh beckoned for Tyler to come closer. He did, somehow - it was kind of impossible when they were already so close together - and Josh slotted their lips together gently, kissing his boyfriend with all the care he could muster and letting a hand settle on Tyler's jaw. Tyler smiled against his mouth, and dragged his tongue lightly along Josh's bottom lip. Josh was only too happy to oblige in opening his mouth so Tyler could emtwine their tongues around each other as the kiss deepened.

Josh loved his boyfriend a lot. He wanted to make sure Tyler knew that, while he still had the chance to, and his lips slipped down the front of Tyler's neck. "I'll try and make this up to you, baby boy, it's the least I can do."

 

After, they cuddled naked in Tyler's bed, and Tyler reached up to ruffle Josh's hair.

"It's fading." He remarked quietly, of the colour.

"Yeah." Josh held a strand in front of his eyes to examine it, and then blew it out of his face. "I'll have to re-dye it sometime soon."

"I'll miss you, punk." Tyler smiled sadly and kissed him on the lips. He tasted faintly of strawberry flavoured sweets and cum, and Tyler wondered if it was possible to bottle that and keep it forever, along with Josh's scent and the colour of his eyes and the sound of his voice.

It sounded so cheesy he wanted to laugh. But it was true.

They broke apart and Josh smirked down at Tyler. "Still think you should dye yours."

"No, Josh." Tyler giggled and stifled a yawn.

"Yes," Josh mumbled sleepily. "You'd be a sexy punk."

"Shu'up and go to sleep."

"Yes, Mum." Josh rolled his eyes and pressed a kiss to his boyfriend's temple. "N'night, Ty."

"Night, Josh."

 

 

The next few months passed in a blur. Nothing was really any different, except for the fact that now there was a horrible elephant in the room and Tyler spent even more time at Josh's side, if that was even possible.

Josh's birthday arrived, and everyone pretended that that didn't mean that now, Josh was legally allowed to move out of his home without parental permission. Nope, Tyler didn't even _think_ about it. Not at all.

They were sat in the living room at Tyler's: him, Josh, Jenna, Dallon, and a few more of Josh's mates. Everyone's spirits were high, although that was mostly from the alcohol - Tyler had hoped it would take his mind off the fact that Josh could now leave whenever he so chose, but really it just made him a little more emotional than usual.

"Open my present, now, Josh." Tyler pleaded excitedly.

Josh grinned and kissed him sloppily, causing an exaggerated 'aww' among their friends. Josh looked up at them, laughing and holding up his middle finger. "Shu'up, guys."

He turned his attention back to Tyler as he fingered the carefully sellotaped black tissue paper on the three parcels in his hand. "Ty, you didn't have to buy me so much," he said fondly. "You idiot. You know all I ever wanted was you."

Tyler laughed. "You cheeseball, Josh Dun. That's the cringiest thing I've ever heard." He was definitely not tearing up, all the same.

"It's true, though." Josh winked, but tears sprung to his eyes at the same time and he jumped to wipe them away in the pretence that there was something in his eye.

No one believed him.

"Come on, open it, then." Tyler urged. He shuffled into his boyfriend's lap and threw an arm round his neck, shuffling his ass and breathing hotly onto his neck _a_ _little unnecessarily,_ in Josh's opinion. He was finding it hard to concentrate, but somehow managed to tear the paper of the first present open.

"Oh my God! Seriously? Dude, you are the actual best. I love it." Inside was the drumsticks he'd seen in the music shop window and pointed out to Tyler at  _least_ once a week for the past, like, six months. Tyler laughed as Josh enveloped him in a bear hug and kissed him hard on the forehead. "Oh my God, thank you so much. Sickest present ever."

"I'd just gotten sick of hearing about them, to be honest." Tyler teased lightly. "Only bought them to shut you up."

"Oh, piss off!"

Josh opened the next present: a notebook. He looked up at Tyler a little uncertainly.

"Open it."

He did, cautiously, and Tyler watched him with his breath held. Inside, it read:

 _To Josh,_  
_Happy 18th Birthday to my wonderful boyfriend. I can't believe you're all grown up now and ready to go off and take over the world with your sick drumming skills ;) When you're off having new adventures, please don't forget about the ones we had together. I'm so grateful that I was lucky enough to love your dumb ass, and thank you for making this past (almost) year the best one yet. I love you so much, Josh, and will continue loving you even when you're not here and you're having more fun without me in Ohio. And w_ _hen I come back one day, even when you're famous and touring the world in a band, please don't forget about me_  
_I love you so so much  
_ _Tyler Joseph xxx_

And inside were pictures of Josh and Tyler laughing, kissing, stupid selfies taken at too close a range, candids taken by other people as they looked unaware into each other's eyes, pictures taken in the mirror as they lay cuddling on Tyler's bed, and more, more than Josh even knew they'd taken together, and then all the colours blurred into one as he fiercely wiped his eyes on the back of his hand, and gave up.

Josh turned to Tyler now, openly crying and smiling through his tears. "God, Ty," his voice wobbled, and his grip on Tyler's waist tightened like he never wanted to let go. "Way to go and break my heart, huh?"

"I'm sorry." Tyler whispered as he pressed their foreheads tightly together. Tears slipped from his own eyes, and they merged with Josh's in a puddle on his cheek. "Payback time. 'Cos you're about to do that to me." The exchanged a sad smile, and then a kiss, and Josh picked up the last present - the smallest of all three.

Tyler bit his lip as Josh tore open the tissue paper. A single piece of paper fell out of the centre and fluttered to the ground.

 _From: London Gatwick LGW_  
_To: Columbus International Airport CIA  
_ _Passengers: Adult x 1_

Josh blinked twice and looked up at Tyler softly. "Oh, Ty. I don't know what to say. You're incredible, thank you, thank you."

He grabbed Tyler's face and peppered it with kisses, and the younger boy laughed shakily, squirming out of it. "Thought you'd probably be needing your money for, you know, rent and shit. I wanted to help you out." He explained shyly.

"Are you kidding? This is the best. _You're_ the best."

They both stared at the ticket lying on the carpet. It suddenly made things very real, and everyone was fighting back tears.

"I'm gonna miss you, Josh."

"God, you too." They kissed, and Josh pulled back, already feeling it going to his crotch. He pressed a kiss to the spot below Tyler's ear. "Baby boy, someone's gonna be getting it tonight."

 Tyler looked away and flushed hard, and Josh smiled at how pretty he was. _"Josh."_

"Only if you want to, of course." Josh reassured hurriedly.

Tyler gave him a sly grin. "That's fine by me."

"Oh my  _God,_ guys, get a room." Everyone laughed.

 

It took  _forever_ for everyone else to leave. Seriously. Tyler thought Dallon was going to stay forever, hugging his best friend and telling him to have an awesome time in Ohio and totally  _not_ crying, even though he was most likely going to see Josh again on Monday at school.

"Someone had too much to drink," he remarked as Dallon _finally_ left and Josh shut the front door behind him, leaning back against it and grinning at Tyler lazily, his eyes dancing.

"Ah, yeah. He always gets like that; he'll be alright." Josh leaned forwards and took Tyler's hands in his own. "Now, though, I believe we have other matters to attend to."

Tyler gulped. "Do we?"

"Yeah." Josh murmured against his lips as he kissed him softly. "I think," - another kiss - "I said that someone" - and another, rougher - "was gonna get it."

Next thing Tyler knew he was being pushed against the wall and Josh was slotting a leg in between his own, grinding against him as hard as he was kissing him. Tyler gasped, and managed to get his lips off Josh's long enough to get out: "Shall we go upstairs?"

Josh responded by grabbing his ass quickly, then cupping his thighs and lifting him up, carrying him up the stairs (although, admittedly, it took longer than it should have because they kept stopping to make out and remove various articles of clothing. Tyler didn't even have time to note that he should  _probably_ pick those up before his parents got back later.)

They (somehow) got into his room and onto his bed, and Josh hung over a now half-naked Tyler, smirking as he took in his body laid out in front of him. "Baby boy."

"Josh." Tyler swallowed, and decided to try something. _"Daddy."_

His boyfriend's eyes flashed appreciatively in response, and Tyler grinned slyly. "Are you deliberately trying to drive me crazy?"

"No. _You're_ driving _me_ crazy. Want you to fuck me, Daddy."

Josh groaned loudly and Tyler leant forward to bite gently on the soft skin of his neck, his lips barely detaching themselves as he eased Josh's and then his own boxers over his hips and legs. Josh kicked them off savagely and pinned Tyler down on the bed with his arms. "What was that?"

"I _said_ ," Tyler whimpered as Josh's mouth closed around one nipple, his eyes still watching Tyler innocently, his tongue darting out and making it  _very_ hard for him to think straight. "I want you to fuck me."

"God, Ty. You sound so hot talking dirty to me." Josh reached into Tyler's bedside drawer and pulled out what he was looking for; his lips continued drifting slowly down Tyler's chest, and his hands were stroking the inner skin of Tyler's thighs, and Tyler let his head flop back onto the pillow as he tried half-heartedly to recollect his thoughts.

He failed.

Josh pulled his lips away from Tyler's body and parted his legs slowly. Tyler looked embarrassed and went to cover his face with one arm, but Josh stopped him. "Ty, no. You're beautiful."

"M'not."

"You are."

He began to open Tyler up with a lube-slicken finger, and then two, then three, and the other boy gasped, rocking gently on his fingers as his back arched involuntarily and he let out a loud whine. Josh stopped a moment to admire him, and smirked. "You can be _loud_ , baby boy. I haven't even got started yet."

Tyler wanted to roll his eyes but couldn't really focus enough to manage it properly, and Josh laughed at him silently. "I'm allowed to be. We've got the whole house to ourselves. Don't stop, please, I want you so bad, Joshie."

That wiped the smile off Josh's face and he moaned too, pulling his fingers out and wiping them on his discarded pants before lining up with Tyler's entrance. He took his time, taking in Tyler's dark eyes looking at him with anticipation, and then pushing in gently. And Tyler let his eyes fall shut and his mouth fall open, and his breaths sped up, shortening in time with Josh's as he started to move inside him, and it felt  _so so good_ and Tyler's mind was cleared and filled with nothing but Josh and how good this felt as he cried out his boyfriend's name, and Josh let out a moan in response.

"Shit Josh, shit, _shit_ , faster, please."

"Faster, who?" Josh slowed down to a positively  _torturous_ speed, and Tyler groaned in frustration. He reached down to touch himself, but Josh just swatted his hands away.

"Faster, Daddy."

"That's better." Josh crashed his lips into Tyler's as he picked up the pace and both boys groaned into the kiss. "Oh, _fuck_." He wrapped a hand around Tyler's aching cock and a few strokes later, Tyler was on the edge.

"Daddy, I'm gonna - fuck - I'm gonna come."

"Good boy. Come for me." Josh whispered into his air, his breath deliciously husky, and Tyler came with a cry, shaking as stars clouded his vision and he collapsed onto the bed, giddy.

"Oh, God, Josh, Daddy, that was so good."

At the use of the name Josh came too, with a _hideously obscene_ noise that made Tyler's stomach flip, and he lay on Tyler's chest for a while after before pulling out and cleaning them both up. Which, to be honest, should have been a bit gross and uncomfortable, but in that moment Tyler felt like he never wanted to move again. It felt so close and intimate, his hands running patterns up and down his boyfriend's back, hot breath on his neck, nothing but the sounds of their breathing returning to normal in the air.

"Come on, baby boy, let's get you cleaned up."

Tyler protested weakly when Josh got up, but when he came back with a warm cloth and cleaned Tyler up so tenderly he thought he was going to cry. "I love you."

Josh collected up the clothes littering Tyler's house and put them in a pile in his room, and got into bed beside him, pulling the duvet up to his chin and kissing him with all the love in the world. "I love you too, Ty. So much."

"Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"Why didn't you tell me you had, you know, a daddy kink?"

Josh laughed, putting his arm around Tyler and pulling him closer on his chest. "I didn't know I did, to be honest. But you sounded so damn hot saying it, baby."

Tyler giggled and snuggled into his boyfriend's neck, kissing him softly again and again and leaving a trail of damp kisses over his bare skin. Josh laughed again, and Tyler kept doing it purely for that reason. Josh had a laugh that could probably birth puppies and unicorns, or something.

"Go to sleep, you nerd."

" _You're_ a nerd."

"No, you are."

"You."

"You."

Tyler fell asleep to the sound of Josh's breath and fingers carding softly through his hair. He felt safe, and loved, and happy. He didn't want to think about what it would be like when these arms weren't there to hold him; this voice to coax him to sleep. He tried  _not_ to think about it.

Easier said than done, he discovered.

Josh thought so too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY  
> I KNOW THEY ONLY JUST GOT BACK TOGETHER  
> PLS FORGIVE ME
> 
> i hope you guys are all doing okay, and are having a good day/evening/night. thanks again for all the love and kudos and comments etc you're giving this, it really motivates me and ily all!!  
> |-/


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was listening to hold onto me by mayday parade on repeat while i wrote this,,, NOT a good idea
> 
> p.s. fellow british people did you know we had taco bell here because i for one did not

The drive to the airport was in silence. Dallon and Jenna tried to make conversation, but the damp atmosphere killed it instantly, and even the radio didn't seem appropriate. There was so much still to say; unformed words floated in the air like cigarette smoke, but neither Josh nor Tyler could find the right way to say them. Tyler was scared that if he opened his mouth, all that would come out would be a stream of broken sobs, so he stared glumly out of the window and watched the raindrops hitting the window.

People said the weather in England was bad, but he didn't think it had been as grey and rainy as this since he'd moved here nearly a year ago.

Josh took his hand wordlessly, and it made Tyler want to cry even more. He blinked back tears, and stroked his thumb gently across Josh's palm. Just to let him know he was there. It helped, but not much. All too soon the car pulled into the short-stay carpark at Gatwick, and they piled sombrely out.

"Jeez, guys." Jenna remarked lightly. "We're acting like someone's died."

Dallon laughed politely, and Tyler gave her a look.

"Okay, I get it. I'm sorry."

They filed inside and checked Josh's luggage in. Tyler's hand didn't leave his boyfriend's the whole time, as if, if he could somehow hold onto him tight enough, he wouldn't have to go. If only miracles could happen. Tyler wished he still went to church, so God might listen to him.

"So what do you guys wanna do now?" Jenna said brightly. She was being way too enthusiastic about the whole thing, and Tyler wanted to hate her. Thing is, she was quite hard to hate.

"Hey, let's get something to eat." Dallon said quietly. "I'm starving."

"Good idea." Tyler silently thanked Dallon for intervening. As much as he loved Jenna, he did _not_ appreciate her positivity on a day like today when he felt like it was the _most_ negative it could possibly be. He tried to glare at her, but she didn't notice. Instead, he channelled his energy into squeezing Josh's hand until his fingers turned white, and Josh gave him a questioning, trying-not-to-show-he's-in-pain look.

"Oops, sorry." Tyler muttered. He dropped his boyfriend's hand and stuffed his own into his pocket. He was sad and irritable and easily embarrassed because of it, and his face flamed up as Josh looked at him, confused.

Then he realised what he was doing, and edged towards Josh again bashfully. "I, uh, didn't mean to do that."

"I figured." Josh raised an eyebrow fondly, and lifted his arm. Tyler scooted over and snaked his own arm around Josh's waist as Josh's fell comfortably around his shoulders, giving him a squeeze that told him everything was going to be alright.

But he already knew it wasn't.

They walked like that for a while, and it reminded Tyler how safe he felt in Josh's arm. The proximity of their bodies meant that he could sense everything; Josh's torso shaking lightly when he laughed; the heat from his body reassuring him that his presence was enough; his breath warm and ticklish on Tyler's temple; his fingertips squeezing gently into Tyler's waist as he tried to pull him closer. After all this time, Tyler's heart still started beating a hundred miles an hour when Josh's hand slipped under the fabric of his hoodie to hold him, as it did now as they followed Jenna and Dallon into the airport's McDonald's for breakfast.

Okay, so what if this distracted him a little too much in the queue and he had to stop in the middle of McDonald's to place a kiss on his boyfriend's lips, and made the cashier have to cough multiple times to get their attention? It wasn't Tyler's fault that Josh was so cute.

"Come on, lovebirds," Jenna said, rolling her eyes as she waited with Dallon and her egg mcmuffin. "Less of the PDAs, hmm?"

She was teasing, but Tyler blushed anyway, and shuffled to the counter awkwardly with Josh in tow. "S'your fault." he mumbled. "You're too flippin' cute, it's _distracting_."

The cashier's eyes were sparkling with kind laughter as they approached, and she smiled at them as they ordered in unison, _two Big Macs and two Cokes, please._ "Will this be your first holiday together?" she asked, and that was when Tyler felt himself immediately crumple into Josh's side.

But soft hands were there to hold him up, a soothing kiss on his temple, and a voice speaking for him, allowing him to shrink away into himself. "Yeah." Josh lied curtly, and the woman beamed.

"Aw, you guys look so cute together." she disappeared to collect their orders, and Tyler still felt two strong arms around him, supporting him, allowing him to find his feet, and another kiss on his forehead.

"Come on, baby boy," Josh whispered into his hair. "You're doing so well, you're so strong, okay? I know this is hard, it's hard for me too, but I'm here right now, so no crying, okay?" He held Tyler at arms' length, grinning his dopey grin, and Tyler couldn't help but let his mouth curve into a smile in response.

"God, I love you."

"I love you, too. So much, baby."

"Oh my God, since when did we become one of those super soppy and embarrassing couples?" Tyler laughed and grabbed their food, ducking out of Josh's grasp and walking over to where Jenna and Dallon were waiting. Josh huffed a laugh in response and hurried to catch him up.

"I don't know. I guess it's pretty embarrassing. But hey, nothing new there for you."

"Rude." Tyler prodded him hard in the side, grinning wickedly. "You'll regret that."

"Will I really, hmm?" Josh raised an eyebrow doubtfully. "Ty, you're like, 5 foot."

"Shu'up."

Tyler shoved him playfully in response as they slid into the booth in front of their friends. They fed each other chips and shared straws and it was _disgustingly_ cute, and Jenna and Dallon felt like third wheels again and only half-jokingly threatened to go and sit on another table when the cuteness got too much. It felt like old times again, and like maybe it could stay this way. Would always stay this way.

Maybe.

 

Even as they were walking to the boarding gate, Josh hadn't quite registered that these were his last moments with Tyler. Hadn't, or didn't want to. They stopped in an awkward group by a smiling woman in an orange and white uniform, and she greeted them with a bright red smile on her face.

"Hello, welcome to EasyJet. Can I take a look at your passport and ticket, please?" She held out her hand, the smile never faltering, and Josh hung back, suddenly scared.

"Um... I need a moment, please."

She nodded, the same expression plastered to her face. "Please, take all the time you need."

The pink-haired turned around uncertainly to face the group before him. Dallon gave him a reassuring smile, and looked away quickly, squeezing the inner corners of his eyes desperately. Dallon, the best friend he'd ever needed since they met on the first day of high school when they were eleven years old. The friend he'd shared everything with since.

His voice broke. "Dallon, man, don't cry, you'll set me off."

"Dude, get your head out of your ass, I'm not crying over you." They cracked a smile at each other, and then Dallon leaped forward and hugged Josh until he was sure the life was going to be squeezed out of him.

"Oh my God, I'll miss you, man." He mumbled into the taller boy's shoulder.

Dallon pulled away and smiled down at him, fiercely wiping a tear from his eye. "Ah, we'll keep in touch, you know we will. Right?"

"Of course."

"I'll miss you too. Have a sick time in Columbus." He forced a laugh. "Huh, shame you only got two months of legal drinking in here before you left."

"Aw, damnit, didn't think of that." Josh grinned at him, their usual joviality returning to the conversation as Dallon returned it and he tried not to think about how much he was going to miss having his best friend around.

"I'll see you, then, man."

Jenna gave him a quick hug, and then the two looked at each other, and at Josh. "We'll go, now." Jenna said quickly. "Give you two some time alone. Take care, Josh, yeah?"

"You too, Jenna. Look after Tyler for me, make sure he stays out of trouble." Josh joked. Or tried to, but his voice shook on the name and gave him away. He tried hard to hold his composure, though; he'd promised himself he wouldn't cry until he got on the plane, at least.

Jenna grinned. "Sure thing."

"Love ya, Josh." Dallon said, raising his hand in a small wave and grinning sheepishly.

"Love you too, Dallon."

Then they melted away into the crowd, and Josh was stood in front of his boyfriend, his heart pounding and his thoughts rushing to sort themselves into coherent sentences before he accidentally offloaded them on Tyler all at once and made them both start crying. He shifted from foot to foot, and coughed, and in the end what he said was nothing he wanted to say. "I guess this is it." _Wow, way to go, Josh. Way to keep everyone's spirits up._

Tyler looked like he wanted to ask a question, but changed his mind and nodded instead. "I guess it is."

They looked at each other steadily. Nothing Josh could think to say was anywhere near adequate to express how much he was going to miss Tyler, and didn't come close to the height of their emotions at this point. He bit his lip, and Tyler seemed to understand, taking a step towards Josh and lifting his arms tentatively, his head tilted to the side and a teary smile on his face.

Josh fell into his arms.

Fingers tangled in hair, tears seeped into jumpers, and Josh took Tyler's face in his hands and leaned in, bumping their foreheads together and grinning at him, emotional. Tyler's face blurred in front of him, although whether it was because he was too close to focus on or the tears threatening to fill his eyes, he wasn't sure. Maybe both. Whispered words started to spill out of Josh's mouth now, gaining speed the more he talked, but Tyler stayed quiet and swallowed them right up.

"Oh my God, Ty, where do I even start? Thank you, firstly, for everything, honestly, I don't know how I would've got through this past year without you, man, you've been incredible. I'm so sorry I fucked up so many times, but I'm so glad I hit you on the head in rounders that one time-" he smiled sheepishly - "and I'm so glad you weren't mad at me or hated me or anything because of it, because then I wouldn't have you now, and I love you, Tyler Joseph, and oh  _God,_ I'm gonna miss you like hell."

Tyler looked at him with so much love it made him want to cry. "Oh, man, you don't even need to sorry, Josh, you didn't fuck up, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I swear." He grinned. "I'm so lucky to have been knocked out by you."

They shared a laugh, and then their lips were fumbling together messily, and they laughed again, and the second time was smoother and better and how Josh had always imagined kissing Tyler to be all those months ago when he bumped into him in the corridor and knew he was already gone. He wanted to remember how soft Tyler's lips felt on his forever, how his hand felt on the small of Josh's back, smiling against his mouth as teeth gently grazed along his tongue.

"I have to go now."

They kissed again, more desperately.

"Really, I have to go."

Again, and a voice rang out through the airport:  _'Last call for the 0900 hours flight to Columbus International, boarding gate 19. Can all passengers make their way to the gate now, please.'_

"Ty, I need to go."

Eventually Tyler drew away from his boyfriend. His fingers traced down Josh's bicep slowly, reluctant to lose contact because he knew when he did, it would be the last time and it would be broken altogether. Josh seemed to understand, and caught his hand in his own, bringing it up to his lips and kissing it softly.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

And then the smiley woman was taking his passport and ripping his ticket and telling him to have a nice flight, and he was waving at Tyler and craning his neck to see him as he backed away, clutching nervously at his backpack, his eyes trained on the spot where his boyfriend was stood until long after he'd gone out of sight.

He furiously blinked back tears, and watched as the airport got smaller and smaller and he couldn't even see England anymore.

 

Tyler now wished he'd said the things he'd wanted to say in the car.

Like, why hadn't they discussed what was going to happen when Josh went away? Were they going to stay together, and pretend that long distance relationships worked? Was Josh going to dump him the minute he got over there? Why hadn't they just broken up already?

Was Josh going to miss Tyler as much as Tyler was going to - as much as he _already did_ miss Josh?

Did this mean as much to him as it did to Tyler?

And, did Josh have any clue, could he even guess, did he know anywhere _near_  how painful it was as Tyler's heart slowly, slowly tore itself in half with every passing minute that Josh wasn't here?

Tyler hoped so.

He allowed himself to be taken by the hand and walked slowly out of the airport, a hand on his back, meaningless words being murmured in his ear. He allowed himself to be bundled into the car and he let Jenna do his seatbelt up and hold him on the drive home, and he remembered to thank Dallon for the lift when they pulled up outside his house. He allowed his mum to envelop him into a hug, and tell him that they'd be there if he wanted to talk or hang out or if they could do anything for him, and he nodded a thanks before accepting a plate of marmite on toast and plodding listlessly upstairs.

But he didn't allow himself to cry until he was in the safe haven of his bed with the bedroom door locked and the duvet pulled over his head. Then, the tears started to flow, down his cheeks and soaking through his pillow and running down his neck, and, once they'd started, they didn't stop.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's a little different and also quite short but hopefully you like it!  
> let me know what you think
> 
> also ayyy how good am i getting with updates  
> don't count on it lasting lmao

**[03/08/15, 14:37]**

tyler: hey hey

tyler: your plane should have landed by now right? are you there?

tyler: josh?

 

**[15:12]**

josh: hey hey yourself yeah just had some trouble with the bags but my cousin just picked me up, i'm fine

tyler: sick

tyler: how was the flight?

 

**[15:23]**

josh: sorry bby boy we have a lot of catching up to do over here i'll text you later okay?

tyler: okay sure

 

**[21:58]**

josh: man that took longer than i thought i'm sorry

josh: u still up?

tyler: ye

josh: i'm so jetlagged what time even is it there

tyler: nearly 3

josh: so that's why i'm so fuckin tired

tyler: loser

tyler: how is it?

josh: i'm staying at my aunt's tonight then moving into the house with my cousin and his housemates tomorrow

josh: so good to see everyone!

josh: missing you already tho :(

tyler: sick

tyler: it was so lucky they had a spare room for you

tyler: missing you too

josh: i wanna be in your bed with you

josh: cuddling you

josh: making out

tyler: me too :(

josh: touching you

tyler: josH

josh: what's wrong baby

tyler: ugh i want you here

josh: i wanna be there too

josh: or have you here

josh: i have the room on the top floor so no one would be able to hear us

josh: you could make all those pretty noises you make when i'm fucking you that we have to cover up at your house

josh: i could make you feel so good

tyler: josh please sTOP THIS IS NOT ALLOWED

tyler: i thought i was too sad to get aroused but apparently not

josh: ty you dirty boy

tyler: says the one sending me inappropriate messages hmmm

josh: ;)

josh: are you touching yourself?

tyler: no

tyler: maybe

josh: pretend it's me

tyler: dw i am

josh: ;)

 

**[22:16]**

tyler: fuck

josh: is that better baby

tyler: yeah

tyler: not as good as if you were here

josh: yeah

josh: i fucking miss you

tyler: miss you too josh

josh: <3

tyler: get some sleep now yeah?

tyler: you must be tired

josh: you too baby boy

josh: long day

tyler: i can think of something else that's long ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

josh: oh my gOD you are the worst

tyler: but you love me

josh: obviously i do

josh: night night loser

tyler: gd night nerd

josh: asshat

tyler: broken curtain rail

josh: tyler wtf

tyler: my curtain rail broke once bc it was stupid

tyler: like you

josh: you're an idiot

josh: an adorable one

josh: i'm calling you

 

**[22:32] Outgoing Call: tyler joseph <3**

 

**[04/08/15 04:55]**

josh: tyler help jetlag is a thing

josh: i don't think i've been awake this early in my whole life

tyler: omg

tyler: this is an extraordinary sight, the lesser spotted joshua dun making an appearance out of his den at an unknown time in the early hours of the morning. how rare for a creature of this species

josh: shut up

josh: i hate you

tyler: no you don't

josh: true

tyler: do you wanna skype?

josh: is the pope a catholic

 

**[09:18]**

josh: i know we literally just got off skype but i forgot to say i loVE YOU

tyler: ew

tyler: clingy

tyler: you literally just told me that 4 times in a row

tyler: (i love you too)

 

**[15:44]**

tyler: yo yo

josh: dont say that

tyler: what

tyler: i am so street

tyler: innit m8

tyler: i believe that is what the british youth say these days

josh: omg remind me again why we're friends

tyler: oi

tyler: FITE ME

josh: literally leave

tyler: fine

josh: nO COME BACK ILY

tyler: did you move into the house today?

josh: yep

josh: the guys all seem really nice

josh: brendon might be able to get me a job which is gr9

tyler: nice

josh: ye

tyler: hey josh

josh: yes child

tyler: i love you

tyler: chILD??

tyler: who u callin child, punk

josh: you

josh: child

tyler: punk

josh: nerd

tyler: dipcrap

josh: dipcrap

josh: really

josh: ty i'm sorry to break it to you but you would absolutely never win in a fight

tyler: hey

tyler: i could beat you up

josh: i'd like to see you try, child

tyler: you're on

tyler: oh wait, small problem of the atlantic ocean

josh: the bane of my existence :/ :(

tyler: nah mine is u

josh: oi rude

 

**[16:23] Incoming Call: tyler joseph <3**

 

**[19:09]**

tyler: night night

tyler: love u

josh: night night sleep tight don't let the bedbugs bite

josh: ly2

 

**[05/08/15 03:55]**

josh: i really miss you

josh: i can't listen to this song now without thinking about you

josh: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3b6hDCIeDk

josh: you bought me the album when we went to spitalfields market that time remember

josh: before we even got together

josh: i used to love the title track

josh: now it just makes me think about how far away you are

 

**[06:01]**

tyler: fuck

tyler: i'm not crying there's just a josh dun in my eye

tyler: i remember you told me to listen to the album after and i went home and had it on repeat

tyler: just because you liked it and it made me feel closer to you

tyler: it does now too, amazing song

tyler: i miss you too and love you so much

 

**[10:06]**

josh: and you baby boy <3

josh: i never knew that why are you so precious tyler

tyler: i didn't tell you in case you thought i was weird haha

josh: are you kidding i probably would have fallen in love with you then and there

josh: still did

josh: it's one of the best albums of all time to be fair though

josh: right?

tyler: that it is

tyler: you have good taste joshua

josh: why thank you i know

tyler: i'm going to call you

tyler: i miss your voice

 

**[10:13] Incoming Call: tyler joseph <3**

 

**[18:46]**

tyler: night josh

tyler: i love you

josh: night ty love u more

 

**[06/08/15 10:31]**

josh: hey i'm going job hunting today so i won't be able to talk until later

tyler: ok nw

tyler: good luck josh u got this!!

josh: thank you!

 

**[16:53]**

josh: ur boy got a job in walmart woop woop

 

**[17:14]**

josh: ok ik it sucks but could you at least reply

 

**[17:56]**

josh: tyLER

tyler: soery babt im ouyt wifh jenna

tyler: but thatd sIKC IM SO PROUF OF U

josh: tyler r u drunk

tyler: tehehege

josh: ok

josh: i'll leave u to it

josh: have fun be safe

 

**[07/08/15 00:06]**

josh: night tyler

 

**[07:27]**

tyler: ewww hangover

tyler: revive me

 

**[10:31]**

josh: good night huh?

tyler: yeah it was pretty fun

tyler: would've been better with you there

tyler: i'll call you later?

josh: sure thing i'm at work now boss is coming OOPS

 

**[17:47] Missed Call: tyler joseph <3**

 

**[21:59]**

josh: sorry i missed your call i was out with some guys from work, brendon, gerard, mikey and ryan

josh: they're really cool guys you'd like them

tyler: they sound great

josh: tyler are u alright?

tyler: i'm fine

tyler: but i have to sleep now i was only staying up to check you were okay

tyler: night night

josh: ...okay

josh: night ty

josh: i love you

 

**[08/08/15 07:57]**

josh: it's so early

josh: but i wanna hear your voice

josh: can i call you?

tyler: no.

tyler: ofc you can, idiot

 

**[07:59] Outgoing Call: tyler joseph <3**

**[19:43]**

josh: bored and missin u

tyler: do i need to ask what that means you're doing

josh: what

josh: nO

josh: i am actually not

tyler: well i am so

josh: fuCK

tyler: help me? ;)

 

**[19:46] Incoming Call: tyler joseph <3**

 

**[20:08]**

josh: tyler

josh: don't say that over the phone again please and thank u

tyler: you love it

josh: that's the problem

 

**[20:28]**

tyler: night night josh

tyler: i love you

 

**[23:57]**

josh: night baby i love you too

 

**[09/08/15 06:03]**

tyler: morning beautiful boy

 

**[08:01]**

josh: dun make me blush

josh: GET IT

tyler: yes josh i get it

tyler: why are u so cute

josh: nah that's u

josh: gotta go to work now baby boy do you want to skype later?

tyler: uhh i can do until 7 my time

tyler: then i'm going round ashley's

josh: oh

josh: i don't finish work until 10 your time

tyler: ah i'll still be out then probs

tyler: talk tomorrow?

josh: tomorrow's so far away :(

tyler: i know baby

tyler: love you

josh: love you too

 

**[10/08/15 23:26] Missed Call: tyler joseph <3**

 

**[22:49]**

josh: sorry i was out with work guys

 

**[11/08/15 05:47]**

tyler: its cool

 

**[23:52]**

josh: sorry we haven't talked in so long omg i have a day off tomorrow?

josh: if you wanna skype we can talk all day i miss u

 

**[23:59]**

josh: i guess you're asleep, night

 

**[12/08/15 04:36]**

tyler: ahhh no i'm so sorry i have to go out with my family today

tyler: maybe later?

 

**[11:17]**

josh: noo i'm going round my grandparents for dinner later

tyler: okay nw, have fun

josh: you too

 

**[17:55]**

tyler: night josh

 

**[13/08/15 05:34]**

tyler: can you talk today?

 

**[07:48]**

josh: i have work

josh: then i'm going out w housemates sorry :(

tyler: ok nw

 

**[14/08/15 03:07] Outgoing Call: tyler joseph <3**

josh: ok guess you're still asleep nw

 

**[05:06]**

tyler: yeah haha i was sorry

 

**[11:13]**

josh: it's cool

 

**[15/08/15 13:48]**

tyler: yo

tyler: how's you

 

**[17:26]**

josh: sorry was working

josh: i'm pretty good hbu?

josh: can i call? i wanna tell you something!!

tyler: sorry i have a really bad headache i'm going to bed soon anyway :(

tyler: tell me tomorrow?

josh: oh

josh: ok

josh: hope your head feels better soon

 

**[16/08/15 08:14] Outgoing Call: tyler joseph <3**

**[Call Missed]**

 

**[12:45]**

tyler: sorry josh i'm out rn

 

**[14:29]**

josh: it's cool i'm working anyway

 

**[17/08/15 13:10]**

tyler: we haven't talked properly in a while

tyler: how are things?

josh: hey how are you

josh: good i have exciting news!

tyler: i'm good

tyler: shouldn't you be working?

josh: my beautiful boyfriend always takes priority

 

**[13:34]**

josh: hey ty where d'you go

tyler: sorry jenna called and then we went round ashley's

tyler: um can i call you tonight?

tyler: we need to talk

josh: oo sounds serious

tyler: haha yeah

tyler: but seriously

josh: wow um yeah sure

josh: like 5:30 my time i should be home?

tyler: yeah sure

josh: speak then then :)

 

**[13:49]**

josh: i love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i forgot how much i love the brobecks


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another update?? woah pat on the back for me  
> anyway, next one's gonna be longer and probably the last one so expect that to take a while maybe ?? thank you as always for reading and all your lovely comments, they make me smile (:

Josh was looking forward to Tyler's call all afternoon. He missed his voice, and the way he would come out with conversation topics out of nowhere, and how he got confused when Josh started talking about something he didn't understand and would look at him with his head cocked on one side, and Josh liked the way he had come to tell these things even over the phone.

He wondered if he'd made a mistake moving to Ohio. Although, as much as he missed his boyfriend, he was enjoying his new life over here. His housemates were great, and he'd settled in really quickly, despite his initial worries of whether it would be awkward at first, being the new one when they had all lived together for the past year or more, and were all older than him, for a start. But his cousin had recommended the perfect place for him to stay, really; they were all music people, whether playing it or just going to a hell of a lot of other people's gigs, and Josh felt right at home among them. And that was where the news came in that he couldn't  _wait_ to tell Tyler. Things were finally happening for him.

Josh convinced himself that, despite any grievances he'd had about leaving Tyler, this had definitely been the right thing to do. 100%.

He didn't always believe it, but he told himself nonetheless.

Josh practically broke the speed limit racing home after work, and charged up the stairs, phone in hand, to throw himself down on the squeaky bed he called his in the attic room.

**[16:48] 1 New Message**

tyler: hey josh u finished work yet?

**[17:19]**

josh: just got home. you still ok to call?

tyler: yeah

josh: let's skype i miss your face

tyler: um ok

josh: are you alright?

tyler: yeah

tyler: i'll tell you about it in a min

 

Josh flipped open his laptop and started it up.  _God,_ had it always been this slow? Did it always take this long to load? He stared at the spinning blue circle, agonisingly slowly, until finally Skype popped open and he pressed 'video call' on his favourite contact. He snuggled into the pillows, his laptop balanced on his knees, and grinned as soon as the screen lit up with a dark image of Tyler's face, sleepy and illuminated only faintly by the glow of the screen.

He looked adorable, and Josh bit his lip. He wanted to cuddle him. "Hey."

"Hey," Tyler breathed back. "How you doing?"

"Better, now I can see you."

Tyler smiled sadly. Or maybe it was fatigue, Josh couldn't tell. "I'm good."

"Good."

They exchanged another smile, and Tyler ran a hand through his hair. "We have to talk about-"

At the same time, Josh blurted out, "I've been asked to join a band."

Tyler's mouth closed slowly, and he blinked, then smiled broadly. "No way! That's sick, Josh. I'm so happy for you. What band?"

"House of Heroes," Josh beamed. "You know 'em?" Tyler shook his head no. "Ah, you should check 'em out. They're pretty good."

"How did that..."

"This guy Colin, one of my housemates, he used to drum for them but he quit recently, and he knew I was a drummer. So he recommended me to them, and I played a couple songs with them last week, and they really liked me!"

Tyler's smile seemed to lose its sparkle, but held firm on his face. "That's great, Josh, really. I-" he looked down, picking at a flake of skin on his thumb nail, and back up again. "Seems like moving really payed off, huh?"

"Oh, Ty, I didn't mean it like that." Josh's face fell, and Tyler kept the same sad look on his face, but nodded.

"I know you didn't. But, it's true, isn't it?" Tyler looked at him curiously. "If you were still here, you'd be going into year 13 at the same shitty school with the same shitty prospects, in the same shitty area of London, but you're not and you're there and you're moving on and it's just-  _everything's_ happening for you, Josh." He shook his head slowly, unable to meet his gaze. "And I'm so happy for you, I really am. But it's clear our lives are going in different directions now. I mean, I've got to apply for university this year." He let out a bitter laugh. "Can you believe that? And everyone's telling me I should study history at Oxford or somewhere because the music thing's never going to be anything more than a dream, and, I'm starting to think they're right."

"Tyler-" Josh started, but he didn't know where he was going with it.

"Leave it, Josh. But it _is_ happening for you, and I don't wanna be the one to hold you back."

"What?" Josh stared at him in bewilderment. "How could you even  _think_ that-"

"You've got to start facing up to this!" Tyler near shouted, and Josh jumped, startled by the ferocity of his outburst. The smaller boy's eyes filled with tears, and he avoided Josh's gaze as his voice dropped to a normal tone again and picked up speed.

"I'm sorry. But, I mean, we hardly talk anymore. I'm not saying it's your fault, I'm not saying it's mine, but it's not good, for either of us."

"We can fix that." Josh was saying desperately. "We've just both been busy, it wasn't permanent, things will sort themselves out soon."

"Will they?" Tyler asked, but it wasn't a question, and they both knew it. "Josh, you've joined a band. You've got a job. I'm starting school again soon. We're not- this isn't going to get any easier."

Josh looked at him silently. His heart was pounding in his ears, too loud for him to think or make any sense of what Tyler was telling him. He still hadn't realised what this meant when Tyler looked back at him, and Josh saw that he was crying.

"I'm so sorry Josh."

"What?" He frowned, the point Tyler was making starting to form in his mind, but not wanting to acknowledge it. He needed to hear it from Tyler's mouth to believe it.

"I think this is it."

Each word hit Josh like a bullet to his stomach. He could feel his insides protesting, threatening to bring themselves up through his throat, and he shook his head desperately.

"No. Please."

Tyler just shook his head slowly in response. "You know it'll be better for both of us this way. This-" he gestured vaguely around him, and Josh guessed that he was referencing what used to be left of  _us._ "It's too painful this way, you know that, Josh. We're just holding onto false hope, we both know this is never going to work."

"It might!"

"It won't." Tyler repeated, firmly but kind. He wiped his eyes on the back of his hand, and reached with futile effort towards the screen. "I'm so sorry. I wish you every success in the band, Josh, you deserve it so much." He moved like he was about to get up and leave, and Josh raised a hand to stop him.

"We... we can still talk, though, right? As-" He swallowed. "As friends?"

Tyler looked at him with the sympathy you might give a small child, who doesn't understand that their dog has just passed away. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Tyler-"

"It's better if we can forget about each other as soon as possible."

"Bullshit, you know sure as hell that won't happen!" It was supposed to be angry, but all Josh could manage was  _sad sad sad._

Tyler shrugged. "Maybe it will take some time. But it will eventually, and that's what we need, Josh." He smiled, though his eyes stayed miserable. "You'll be okay. You've got some good friends there, a good life."

The lump in Josh's throat swelled. "But I promised I'd never hurt you. Not like the rest."

"Some things are easier said than done, s'all." Tyler wiped his eyes fiercely and gave him that familiar dopey grin. "It's not your fault, yeah? You're safe there. That's what matters."

Josh said nothing.

"I gotta go, now, 'kay?" Tyler mumbled. He hesitated, like he wasn't sure whether to say the next part or not. "I love you. Remember that. Remember that, and then forget me, please."

"I could never. I love you too much."

"There'll be a point when you won't. And when that comes, you'll know that moving was the best thing you could have done."

Josh shrugged.

"I'm proud of you, Josh. And when I see you at the AMAs or whatever winning millions of prizes for drumming in a few years' time, I'll be even prouder." He smiled. "Go take over the world, drummer boy."

Josh smiled back, in spite of himself, and a fresh round of tears threatened. "I don't know about that. And, uh, good luck to you too. In whatever you do. I'll be thinking of you." A tear fell onto his keyboard, and he could see them pooling in Tyler'e eyes too. "Bye, Tyler. Thanks for everything."

"Goodbye, Josh."

They stared at each other for what felt like a hundred years and a split second all at once, and at last Josh heard the signal that meant Tyler had disconnected. He listlessly turned off the screen that was now too bright for his hurting head, but even then he carried on staring. Staring at the spot he'd watched as the boy he loved turned from a boyfriend to an ex-boyfriend, and wondering why everything had gone so terribly, horribly wrong.

His laptop hit the floor with a loud _crash_ as he curled in on himself around the duvet, but Josh couldn't bring himself to care. He felt empty, and couldn't even find the motivation to cry. What point was there in crying, anyway? He was lost. He had promised himself this time would be different. And what had he done? Gone and hurt Tyler in the way that he vowed he would never.

_Selfish selfish selfish._

Josh cried himself to sleep, and wondered how he could possibly be safe when the arms he called home were no longer there to protect him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry :(


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last chapter aaaa!!!
> 
> this one took a while to write, and omg i just had a mild crisis when i thought i'd deleted all 6000 words, and i literally rewrote the last section soooo many times buuut... i am pleased with how it turned out i think!! also, over 200 kudos,,, i just, wow? i appreciate you guys reading this so so much. i hope you enjoy, this is for you  
> <3

**[01/12/15 00:00]**

jenna: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TYLER MY LOVE

tyler: you nerd

tyler: you waited until midnight just to say that

jenna: and

jenna: i am a dedicated friend

jenna: let's go to a club tonight! to celebrate that fact that despite what it may seem tyler joseph is actually now an adult

jenna: i'll buy you your first legal drink ;)

tyler: piss off omg

tyler: but sure sounds good

tyler: a gay club tho right

jenna: of course

 

Tyler smiled half-heartedly and chucked his phone down on his pillow. It was his birthday, but he didn't feel the slightest bit happy about it. He knew it was ridiculous, but he hadn't been particularly interested in doing anything since he'd broken up with Josh, and even though he'd never been through a break-up before, he knew that people usually moved on pretty quickly, especially after they'd been with someone for, what, less than a year?

He was  _pathetic._

But there was something about Josh. Like they were soulmates or something, hell, Tyler didn't know, but they had _something_.  _Used to,_ he mentally corrected himself. Fucking hell. Nonetheless, if there was something Tyler  _was_ interested in doing, it was going out, getting pissed and hooking up with the first guy he could find who was willing. That would be a lot easier now he was old enough to get into clubs, because there were just so many  _straight people_ at high school parties. And Tyler was not doing _that_ with a girl again, no matter how desperate he was. He shuddered at the memory, and turned over in bed, cursing his fucking insomnia. He gave up trying by four, and finally drifted off at 6 am with the tears drying on his cheeks.

The night was already dark when Jenna called for Tyler at half eight, and he shivered in his thin jacket as the cold air hit his skin. He was glad of the warmth from the sweaty bodies of the Soho club, busy already despite the fact that it was a Tuesday night and still quite early on, and after a while they both were forced to ease their way out of the crowd, sweating and thirsty, to seat themselves at the bar. Not that what they were ordering was really to help with thirst, but still.

After a few rounds of shots, Tyler had left Jenna chatting up some girl by the bar and had made his way to the dancefloor where he was drunkenly grinding his horny body against a strange man, older, and blonde, with stubble that just about crossed the line of becoming a beard. He was conventionally attractive, Tyler supposed, and he seemed to be interested. So Tyler upped the flirting and the force behind the rolls of his hips until it was clear the guy was getting frustrated. He leaned close to Tyler's ear, his warm breath on the smaller boy's neck. "Wanna go someplace else?"

Perfect, Tyler didn't even have to bring it up. He nodded, and the two slipped out of the crowds towards the bathroom doors. Not the most romantic of places, but then, it never was. He hadn't tried to be romantic with any of them since Josh. It was just something to take his mind off it, but it never worked, only served as a strong reminder of the boy he'd lost his virginity to. Yet he continued to do it. "You alright, baby?" The man smirked, and Tyler nodded uncertainly.

"Can we just get on with it, please?" he muttered. The other man nodded, and Tyler pushed him roughly into a bathroom stall. They kissed briefly, until Tyler got bored, and within five minutes he was on his knees in front of Tyler with his mouth sucking bruises on his abdomen.

"Just suck me off already." Tyler huffed. He knew he was being harsh, but the man just smirked up at him.

"Someone's keen."

 _Or lonely and horny_ , Tyler thought. He pushed his fingers into the guy's hair and guided his mouth to his own dick aching against his skinny jeans, and threw his head back against the cubicle door as the man roughly pulled his pants down took Tyler's length into his mouth, the humming noise he was making in his throat causing Tyler to involuntarily thrust his hips forward into his face.

"Sorry," he muttered, embarrassed, but the other man didn't seem to mind, just glanced at Tyler with a wicked look in his eyes. Tyler wished he wouldn't. He didn't usually pay too much attention to their faces, because it made him feel worse about what he'd done afterwards. He'd learnt that the hard way.

The guy's tongue started licking slowly up Tyler's cock and as usual, his head started drowning in thoughts of Josh. The man on his knees before him wasn't doing it as well as he could, and Tyler moaned lowly in frustration. He mistook it for pleasure, and started moving his head faster. Now Tyler _was_ making noises from how good it felt, not even bothering to try and be quiet in the public toilets, tangling his fingers tighter in the blond curly hair, and he came all over the guy's neck with a cry of  _Josh._ Blonde Beard looked up at him as he cleaned them up with tissue paper, grinning and asking him if Josh was his boyfriend, and if he knew Tyler was out without him fooling around with other guys. Tyler wished he would shut up.

When it was over, as usual, he cried. Crying out of guilt, because he knew it was wrong to use people like that when he was fully aware that he never wanted to see them again in his life. Heck, he didn't even know that guy's name. Crying because at the end of a night, alcohol always made him emotional and fragile. But crying mostly because, three months on, he still fucking missed Josh. Every day. A fresh round of tears threatened as he sat on the curb with a can in his hand and suddenly, he felt the urge to throw his stomach up there and then, because he was a mess, his life was a mess. He was disgusting. He found himself choking on the weak beer and his tears, and the can fell to the ground, the brown liquid splattering over his vans, and trickling down into the gutter. Tyler watched it go, and wondered, as seemed to be happening a lot now, how he got to this point. He took out his phone and called Jenna to come and take him home.

**[04:48] 1 New Message**

Unknown Number: happy birthday tyler. i still miss you

**[Message Deleted]**

 

  

 

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Josh was woken at the ungodly hour of eight o'clock by the shrill beeping of his alarm clock. Just what he wanted. He groaned loudly and ventured a hand out of his duvet, fumbling around blindly until he located his alarm clock and hit it hard enough for it to shut the hell up.

Ahh. Peace.

It didn't last long, though, and the next thing he knew his phone was ringing and he was desperately trying to find it among the pile of duvet and food trash on his bed.

"Tim?"

"Josh! Hey! What's up?"

"You woke me up." Josh said pointedly. His band mate laughed down the phone, and Josh was reminded why he disliked him so much.

"Sorry, man." He didn't sound apologetic.

"It's okay, I guess."

"Cool. Uh so, we have a show tonight. Surprise!"

Josh groaned audibly. "Dude, what the hell? Where did that come from?"

He could basically hear Tim shrugging down the phone. "Eh, it was just a last minute thing. Meet at Eric's at 5.30 for rehearsal?"

"Tim, I don't finish work until 5-"

"Great," Tim said distractedly. "We'll see you then. Cheers, Josh." And then he was gone, and Josh was just left listening to the incessant buzz of the cut off line. He hung up, and dropped his phone irritably onto the bed again.

It wasn't that he didn't like playing in House of Heroes. At least, he told himself it wasn't. It was that, recently, it seemed to have been taking over his life. Couldn't a boy come home after a day at work and just rest for a bit? Was that really too much to ask? He reluctantly dragged his ass out of bed and threw on his blue Walmart uniform before practically falling down the stairs to where Brendon was frying eggs in the kitchen. Typical Brendon.

"Dude, how do you even have the energy to do that this early in the morning?" Josh grumbled as he grabbed the Cheerios from the side and began eating them straight from the box.

"Someone's not a morning person."

"Don't be an ass, Bren."

His friend laughed and set down his own perfectly cooked breakfast beside Josh's. "Jealous, huh?"

"No." Josh scowled, and shovelled a few more handfuls of cereal into his mouth before standing up deliberately. "Let's go."

"I'm not working today, man."

"Then why the fuck are you up so early?" Josh grabbed his bag and left the house without waiting for an answer. Brendon shrugged, and was left to finish his breakfast in peace. Josh was bad-tempered a lot nowadays; this was nothing new.

It seemed to be one bad thing after another for Josh. First his car wouldn't start, and he as a result turned up twenty minutes late to work. Then his co-workers were flirting  _all morning,_ and Josh didn't mind it at first but after three hours? When it was right under his nose? He ended up snapping at them and then regretted it, which made him feel even more shitty. Lastly, when he was  _finally_ set free, he remembered this bloody rehearsal he was supposed to go to at Eric's before a show tonight. He  _really_ wasn't in the mood.

He turned up just before six, and Tim tutted when he walked in the door. "Pretty sure I said half five, dude. We're on a tight schedule here."

"Piss off, Tim." Josh felt so internally exhausted, and wondered if he could get away with turning around and walking straight back out again.

"Just saying," Tim raised his hands. "If you're not 100% committed to this band, then..." He left the end hanging, but Josh knew what he was referring to; they could easily get the old drummer back, so basically, Josh was disposable. Step out of line, and he was out. Simple as. But he needed the money, and he liked the other guys, and drumming was what he wanted to do. Wasn't it?

 _Yes,_ said a voice in the back of his head.  _But not with House of Heroes, not like this._

Josh tried to push the thoughts away, and put everything he had into drumming instead. By the time he'd finished the show that evening, his arms ached like hell and there was more red on his hands than there was skin. Josh bit his lip hard, and tried not to cry as the lights flickered back on and the crowd whooped and hollered to the band walking off the stage. Then Tim was approaching him, a broad smile on his face. He clapped Josh on the shoulder, still breathless.

"Great show tonight. You played really well, man."

"Thanks."

"We're going out drinking for a bit. You wanna come?"

"Nah. Thanks, though." Although it didn't stop him, Josh still found it weird that he wasn't allowed to drink at 18 back in the US. But that wasn't why he turned down the offer, and they both knew it.

"Well, next time maybe. But you were sick tonight, Josh, I swear."

Josh wondered if Tim was drunk. "So were you."

"See ya then, man."

"Yeah. Bye, Tim." Josh watched as the truck drove away with the three of them in it, and wondered why, despite the fact that he had a house and a job and a band and good friends and everything he thought he always wanted, he still felt like breaking down in tears.

 

 

 

"Tyler."

They were sat in a café, scarves and coats piled up on the empty seat of the couch, two steaming coffees set on the table in between them.

"Tyler, you're not even listening to me."

"Um," Tyler snapped out of his daze and shifted his gaze from the people walking past the window to Jenna, who was looking at him with a mix of concern and annoyance in her eyes. "Sorry. What did you say?"

She sighed mildly. "I said, I wanted you to meet Jeremy. A friend of mine. I've told him about you, he's keen to meet you, and I think you'd get on well." She smiled, almost nervously. "I think it would be good for you to find someone new."

"I don't want anyone new." Tyler concentrated hard on eating the froth off his coffee.

"Tyler, you need _something_." Jenna reached across the table to take his hand, forcing him to look at her. "I- I know things aren't too good for you at the moment, but you've got to want to help yourself. I think Jeremy would be good for you."

Tyler snorted sarcastically. "Will he be a good fuck?"

"Tyler! This is my friend we're talking about."

Jenna looked hurt, and Tyler felt bad. More than that, she looked angry. Tyler had never known her to be angry before, she was always such a positive person. That's what Tyler loved about her, and now he wished he'd kept his _fucking_ mouth shut. He looked down sullenly.

"I know you don't care about who you go around hurting these days," Jenna shot. "But I'm not gonna let Jeremy be another one of your little games to take your mind of your ex-boyfriend for half an hour. Because I do care. I care about him, but more than that, I care about _you_. Look what you're letting yourself turn into! I'm trying to help you, Tyler, I really am, but you're giving me nothing back, and I wonder why I bother sometimes. Because it seems like I'm constantly putting myself out to help you, to pick you up from some bar or another after you've fucked some innocent guy and you're sat there feeling sorry for yourself or you've drunk too much and need a lift home or even just need someone to talk to, I'm always there." She was shouting now, and people were looking at them, and Tyler felt his cheeks reddening. "But all I'm getting back is you hurting me over and over again."

"Jenna." Tyler hissed. She sat down slightly, and he tried offering her a smile. "I never meant to hurt you."

"Bullshit you have." she shook her head, chuckling bitterly. "See, you don't even know you're doing it! Every time you hurt yourself you hurt me, Tyler. Because I care about you. That's what friends do, you see. They care for each other, not for some boy that left them five months ago!"

It stung, and she knew it. The hard lines of her face softened, and she reached out to him. Tyler stiffened, but didn't move away.

"I just feel like you're not the friend I made a year ago anymore," she said softly. Tyler flinched at that. Not because he resented her words, but because he knew she was right. He hung his head, and Jenna stood up to go, winding her scarf around her neck and pulling on her coat quickly. She looked at Tyler pityingly. "Let me know when you've figured out what it is you want, Tyler."

Tyler could say nothing, just look up at her dumbly as she walked out of the café and left him sitting there with two unfinished coffees and an overpriced bill.

_Fuck._

 

 

 

"Josh," The drummer could tell that this wasn't going to be good news by the tone of Tim's voice and the way the rest of the band were looking at him sympathetically as he returned to the rehearsal room from the kitchen, can of Red Bull in hand. He stopped in the doorway. "We need to talk."

He sighed heavily. He wasn't really surprised, but he was still hoping this conversation wouldn't come. "Is this about me being late a lot? I do have a job, you know. A job I'd quite like to keep, seeing as this band isn't exactly rolling in the cash."

Tim's eyes flashed with annoyance, but he didn't say anything. "Kind of. Not just that, though. We've been talking, about you being late and not just that, we don't really think... we don't think your sound fits with our vision of how we want this band to sound, you know, man?"

Josh didn't know, and he didn't know why Tim thought adding "you know, man" on the end of his sentences like they were friends was going to soften the blow. "Not really."

"You knew this wasn't permanent from the start, though, right?"

Oh.  _That's_ where this conversation was going. Josh felt his heart sink, but all in all couldn't bring himself to care enough to argue. "Yeah..."

"And Colin's pretty much ready to come back now..." Tim scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "You know what I'm saying, man?"

"I don't think I do." Josh stared him in the eye, and he at least had the good grace to look ashamed.

A heavy sigh. "I'm sorry, Josh. You can stay until the end of this tour, if you want. But then Collin's gotta come back. Think of this as, like, your two weeks' notice."

 _Fucking brilliant._ Now he'd got a job he hated, a band he wasn't in, a shitty flat, and nothing to look forward to. Might as well throw himself off a bridge now. Josh resisted the urge to punch the distinctly unsympathetic look right off Tim Skipper's face.

"Jeez, thanks for your generosity." He shot back sarcastically. "Don't put yourself out on _my_ account."

"Josh-" Eric started, and Josh cut him off.

"I'll stay until tour's over. But only because I need the money, not for any of you."

"Cheers, man." Tim went to clap him on the shoulder, and thought better of it. "Shall we carry on with rehearsal?"

"What a fan-fucking-tastic idea."

 

 

 

Tyler finished school quietly. While Jenna and Dallon and all his friends went on a high with prospects of prestigious universities and important sounding apprenticeships, he took a step out of the routine of education into a rather bleak looking future; he hadn't had the motivation to think about applying to university when everyone else was, after Josh had left and he may or may not have been depressed, and now he realised what a mistake he'd made.

His mother broached the subject carefully, but he could tell she was worried about him. "So, Tyler," she said a little too brightly after one too many mornings of Tyler sitting around at home and doing nothing. "What are you going to do now?"

"Uh," Tyler shrugged. "Maybe I'll clean my room."

Kelly sighed, and took a seat at the kitchen table opposite her son, who was staring despondently at the disintegrating cereal floating in his bowl. "You know what I mean, honey." Tyler said nothing. "What are you going to do now you've finished school?"

He shrugged. "I'll have to try and find a job, I guess."

His mother watched him carefully. "You could always apply to university for next year. If you change your mind."

"Maybe."

"Tyler," she sighed. "You're going to have to do  _something_."

Tyler wasn't in the mood for this, not least his mother's kindness. If she was shouting and yelling at him, he might have been able to tolerate it. But it was the soft concern, the kind words that irritated him today. He stood up abruptly and poured the remainder of his cereal down the drain. "I'm going upstairs."

In the haven of his room, he put on some old Green Day album and scrolled aimlessly through his Twitter feed. And something caught his eye.

_**House of Heroes** @houseofheroes - June 29_

_Today: London! We are coming to you for the first time. The Barfly, 10pm. See you there._

Tyler's heart pounded.

Josh probably wasn't even still in the band, he told himself. Yeah. They could easily have changed drummers once, twice since last summer. Josh was probably still in Columbus, working in Walmart and hanging out with Brendon and doing whatever else it was that he did. It wasn't that Tyler wanted to see him, anyway. House of Heroes were just a sick band  ~~with a sick drummer~~ that Tyler happened to really like, and happened to want to see live. That was  _all_ there was to it. Completely.

Or so he tried to convince himself.

Even so, he didn't invite Jenna or Dallon to come with him and he lied to his mum as he slipped out of the house at 9 that evening. Despite the fact that the sun was hanging low in the sky there was a definite humidity in the air, and Tyler found himself sweaty and out of breath by the time he'd walked to the tube station. He wished he'd had the sense to grab a bottle of water at home, but there wasn't really time.

That said, there was still _plenty_ of time for him to overthink what was about to happen on the busy tube journey down. By the time his feet had carried him off the Northern line to the entrance to the venue his legs were shaking so badly from nerves that he seriously contemplated turning round and going straight back home again. But he wouldn't. He couldn't. He  _needed_ to see Josh again, even if it was from the back of a dingy pub, where he would slip out again before the show was over and never let him know that he was there. Yep. That's what he'd do. He took a deep breath and forced himself to step inside.

As it turned out, things didn't _quite_ go to plan. It was hot and stuffy enough outside, let alone inside the venue, and Tyler began to regret not bringing any money to get a cold drink with. His head was hurting and occasionally he could see little bursts of stars appearing in the edges of his vision. He shook his head to clear them, glad of the wall he was leaning against to steady him. But then the band came out, and as soon as he saw that flash of pink - no, it was  _red_ now - the wave if emotion hit him so hard that he felt weak at the knees. It was Josh, his Josh. Oh _God,_ what had he done? His head started swimming and his legs were giving way and before House of Heroes had finished the first song Tyler could feel a hard surface behind his head and starched carpet under his fingers, and everything was very loud and he couldn't work out why his vision was so bright. Then, he passed out.

When he woke up, his head hurt and it took his eyes a moment to register where he was. It was a small room, empty, with a table at one end and a couple of sofas at the other. Tyler was lying on one of said sofas, the once-red leather cracked and dirty, and he tried to sit up, and failed. He could still here the band playing dimly from another room. He wondered how long he'd been out for. He sat up again, more gingerly this time, and noticed a bottle of water sat on the table in front of him, which he took a long sip from. The pain in his head subsided, but not much.

"Right, we're gonna slow it down and play a couple acoustic songs, if that's okay with you." He could hear the lead singer say, muffled through the pub walls. A cheer from the small crowd; a laugh. Then there was a low murmur of conversation, and it was getting closer, and suddenly it was right outside the door. And Tyler froze stock still; he recognised one of those voices. He recognised it all too well, from nights of filthy pleas and days of tender words. His head sped up to a good hundred beats a second, and he thought he was gonna pass out again. The door creaked open, and he took a deep breath in.

But it wasn't him. The man who entered was a man with ordinary brown hair and glasses, and Tyler wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed at first. He blinked down at the dishevelled looking Tyler sat on the couch, and squinted. "Uh, hey. What are you... oh, wait, you're the kid who fainted?"

Tyler nodded numbly. He wasn't sure he liked that identity, but hey.

"Oh. Um, are you okay? Do you need anything?" Without waiting for an answer, he continued, "Now I've gotta go, but Josh here'll look after you if you want anything." He dumped a hoodie on the couch next to Tyler, and turned on his heel and left. "See ya, kid." There was another mumbled conversation, and then the door was being opened again. And Tyler was sure his heart stopped as he wondered again if it was too late to throw himself out of the window and make a run for it.

"So, uh, I know our band's sick, but I didn't think it was worthy of fainting." Josh was chuckling as he walked in. Just hearing his voice sent blood rushing to Tyler's cheeks and memories rushing to his head, and suddenly he didn't know what to do. The boy was looking at his phone as he spoke, and Tyler watched him silently, waiting. "Do you want me to -." And then Josh looked up. His phone hit the floor with a clatter; he didn't notice. The world seemed to stop, and the band faded out into silence, and nothing existed except their eyes meeting in the dingy room. "...Tyler?"

Tyler smiled weakly. "Um... hi?"

"God... hey." Josh looked him up and down, as if he didn't quite believe in his existence. "I... well... uh... what are you doing here?"

"Just came to see the show." Tyler shrugged shyly. "You did sick."

"Thanks, man." Josh was looking at him with wonder and something else, unreadable. Tyler sensed it was a mixture of repressed emotions, and suddenly the atmosphere in the room got painfully awkward. "Uh, long time no see."

They both acknowledged the ridiculousness of the phrase as it left Josh's mouth, but Tyler just nodded in agreement. "...Yeah." It seemed to take years for Josh to meander his way to the sofa and plop down at the opposite end to Tyler.

"How have you been?"

"Good, thank you. You?" The forced reply was painful, and also a blatant lie. They could both see through it. Josh's response was of the same vein. Their gazes met, and then dropped, like they hadn't spent the best part of a year in the same position and, Tyler thought, it was like meeting the eyes of a stranger.

"So it was you who fainted, huh?"

"Guilty." Tyler allowed a smile to tug at his lips.

"You've a habit of falling for me, haven't you, Tyler Joseph?" Josh grinned, although it didn't quite reach his eyes. "What's that, four times now?"

"Three." Tyler corrected. "Don't get too ahead of yourself, Dun." They both ignored the crack in his voice.

"If you say so." Josh gestured to Tyler's arm, significantly more tattooed than it was last time he'd seen it, and a shy smile replaced the cocky grin. "I told you you'd look good as a punk." His eyes were sparkling, and Tyler hoped there was at least some truth in _that_. He allowed his own smile to fill his face.

"Oh, shut up. Guess I missed seeing your bright red mop and piercings every day, so..."

Oh, fuck. Telling Josh he'd missed him was  _not_ part of the plan. But he looked so painfully cute standing there with his head cocked to one side and his jumper sleeves pulled up over his hands and that shy smile on his  _so so kissable_ lips. Tyler blinked furiously; he was _not_ going to cry. He quickly changed the subject. "So, how's things? Living the dream, huh?"

Josh shrugged. "This is my last show with these guys. I, uh, we didn't get on too well." He laughed, but there was no happiness in his voice. "Don't really have anything to go back to outside of the band, though, so... yeah, we'll see how that goes."

"Oh. Uh... I'm sorry?"

"It's okay. What about you? You going to uni in September?"

"Nah," Tyler shook his head, embarrassed, and Josh looked surprised. "Don't really have any plans past this point. Haha,  _really_ got my life together." His hollow laugh echoed Josh's.

"You and me both, man. What about music?"

"What about it?"

"Well, you can sing. You can play more than one instrument. You write your own songs. You should start putting your stuff out there, Ty. Ler." Josh seemed to forget that he wasn't supposed to call Tyler by nicknames anymore, and blushed, his cheeks turning the colour of his hair.

"I dunno. People said I needed something more stable and sensible." Tyler tugged absently at a clump of hair on his head.

"Bullshit!" The ferocity of his outburst surprised them both, and Josh went even more red. "I mean, you shouldn't let anyone stop you from dreaming. Hell, I moved to Ohio with absolutely no prospects of success and, okay, it may have come to a dead end now, but..." He paused. "I had it all going for me at one point."

"You did." They exchanged a nervous smile. "I'm just scared. If I had a band, someone to do it with, maybe. But can you really imagine little ukulele playing gay-boy me trying to take over the music industry?"

Josh let a laugh escape his lips, and it made Tyler happy. He realised how much he'd missed that noise. "I know how you feel. I could do with someone, too. I guess that's why this-" he gestured to the room around them, signalling the band "-didn't work out. We just didn't have any connection as people."

"I get you, dude."

Tyler was pretty sure they were both thinking the same thing. Both thinking the same thing, but neither of them wanted to suggest it, from fear of rejection. It was almost ridiculous, how far apart they'd grown. But deep down, Tyler knew it was his fault.

"Uh..." Josh looked down and fiddled fiercely with a stray thread on one sleeve of his hoodie. "I should be getting back on stage soon..."

"Yeah." Tyler nodded. "Of course. Um... I dunno, would you maybe wanna go get a drink after? With me? Maybe?"

Josh seemed to freeze in the doorway. There was part of him that wanted oh so badly to go with Tyler and kiss the dumb questioning look off his face, another that knew it would be a mistake, another that thought there would be no harm in a drink, no commitment, no nothing. But at the moment the first part was winning, and that gripped him with a sudden fear. "Can we talk about this after the show?"

"Sure." Tyler's face fell a little.

"Great." And then he ducked out of the door, and was gone. He needed to join the band again now the acoustic set was done. Although, he wasn't sure he'd be of that much use, considering his hands were shaking with nerves and he couldn't think straight. All because of that damn boy with tattoos that looked  _really fucking hot_ on him. He hadn't allowed himself to think about Tyler in so long. He was so nearly completely over him. And then he goes and not only shows up at the  _last show Josh was playing,_ of all shows, but he bloody faints and has to be sitting in the band's dressing room when Josh comes in for his break? Who the hell did he think he was? Josh gripped his drum sticks angrily, and tried to imagine the drums were Tyler's face as he launched into the next House of Heroes song. But that didn't work, so he tried to visualise them as his feelings for Tyler - the feelings he'd thought he'd lost long ago. He imagined smashing them into a thousand tiny pieces as he drummed. He didn't need anyone, because people let him down, and he  _especially_ didn't need Tyler. But then the song ended, and the feelings came back, hitting him harder than before, if that was even possible.  _Fuck you, Tyler._

The encore finished before Josh had even registered that that was the last song he was ever going to play with House of Heroes. He tried desperately to conjure up any kind of sadness or nostalgia, but only thoughts of Tyler consumed his mind. Hell, as Tim was standing there thanking everyone for coming Josh was only scanning the crowd for that ridiculously cocky smirk and fluff of brown hair - he found it at the back of the room, and felt colour rising in his cheeks. How had it happened that, in the space of two years, they'd switched positions so dramatically? Josh remembered when he'd first bumped into Tyler, literally, in the school hallway. How shy and nervous he'd been, how he wouldn't even meet Josh's gaze. At the memory he felt a sharp pang in his heart, and he was pretty sure being stabbed would hurt less than this. It was a mixture of love and memories and fear, fear that if he let Tyler walk out of that room he was never going to feel for the rest of his life the way he did when he was with him. And he felt it harder than he'd ever felt anything ever before.  So that was why, eventually, he made up his mind to seek Tyler out after the show, and stand in front of him nervously like they were meeting for the first time again.

"Hey, you."

"Hey."

And it was why, when Tyler asked him again with hopeful gazes and cautious words if he maybe wanted to go and get that drink now, Josh said yes. It was why he let Tyler kiss him on the pavement outside the bar when they finally stepped outside, slow and scared at first, and then resuming pace like their lips hadn't been apart for nearly a year, and they were just carrying on right where they left off. Why he found his tongue tracing a cautious line along Tyler's lower lip, who moaned softly into it, and the sound in itself was so so pretty that Josh thought everything must have been worth it, just for that. But later, he found that there was more, like the look on Tyler's face when they slept together for the first time since Josh moved away or the way his brown eyes started to show trust in him again and how the arms holding him close and strong told him he knew all along that this was all he ever needed.

So when Tyler whispered tentatively one night that he loved him and he was going to stick around, Josh knew that it was for good. "I love you too, Tyler Joseph. Marry me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- the end!!! -
> 
> and i'm kinda sad ngl, this is the longest piece i've ever written and i've put a lot of work into it, and it's far from perfect but i'm pretty proud of it!!  
> thank you to everyone who's stuck with it and left me kudos and feedback and motivation, i did not expect this much of a reaction by far. y'all are what's kept this going, honestly, i am usually TERRIBLE and give up on a piece of writing after the first 1000 words, so this is quite an achievement for me, and it's honestly thanks to you guys!  
> thank you again  
> stay street  
> |-/


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